The Work Holiday Party

Last Friday was my office Christmas party... let me give you a little insight into the company that I work for. It is a cross between Hooters (delightfully tacky) and Dunder Mifflin. Seriously. We have one of those GIANT blow-up Santa's, who is holding a gift that spins, in the entryway to our office. Classy, I know. Our party was held, ta da, at the office! Because you know, after I've worked 8 hours there, going back after being off for an hour and a half, that sounds like the BEST idea. EVER. We also had to bring a dish and prepare an entertainment. Don't ask. So our sick President, we'll call her "White Tiger", who wasn't at work all week, decided she was going to make lamb chops for every one's dining pleasure. Sick woman (who is using "old country tricks" like hot water and mustard on her feet to get better) + meat = second best idea. EVER. We were also getting something called Muscat wine. Hilarity was going to ensue. No question.

I, was fortunate enough to house/dog sit the night of the party and totally got out of going. I was relaxing on the couch when my supervisor, Mr. Ma-Chine, texted me, saying "you gotta get over here, the White Tiger is shitfaced". Weeeell, ok! Now you're talking. I couldn't resist.

What I walked into, I was not ready for. Our Peruvian secretary was screaming at everyone to stop calling her a Mexican, which no one was doing. She was 100% totally smashed, complete with bobbing and weaving motions while seating in her chair. She also started spitting on floor. Because "whad da eff you gon do bout it beeetch" so why not, right? That's normally why I spit too. Someone brought their child, and this child decided to sing "Jingle Bombs" and do a routine in which she portrays a terrorist. Highly PC and appropriate, considering one staff member is Muslim.

All the cool kids (Mr. Ma-Chine, his BF J, the Frenchman and his Quinoa, Ms. Angela Martin, Chop and his BF, De-Ron and Branch) were all sitting on one side of the room, away from everyone else so I saddled up and took my seat between Ma-Chine and J and got caught up on the party gossip.

Apparently, the White Tiger bit. it. during Havana-Gila. I mean, face plant on a table. Her attire did not help her cause either. As Ma-Chine said, it was like 10 lbs of shit in a 5 lb. bag. Someones husband taught everyone to make guns out of paper. The Peruvian secretary humped some people on the dance floor and then a trashcan. I was stalked by the girl child who was brought to the party by her mother and father. I hate them for that. She was telling everyone we were sisters. I really hated that. You know how I feel about children.

At the end of the party, the cool kids were the only ones left and we sat around and talked trash about everyone. Tis the season!

Happy Holidays, everyone!

Nokia N96 - Bruce Lee Ping Pong

Ummmmm... AWESOME!!

Real bears playing Hockey

Sadly they may be able to beat the JV team.

Borderline Racist 1960's Jell-O Ad

Ohh, the 60's, where racism was legit.

Liberal is Anti-American?

In a recent interview Rep. Michele Bachmann, from Minnesota, basically calls out liberal democrats as "un-American" mostly because they see America as imperfect. I would argue that to see America as imperfect and work to make it better is the most American thing we can do. Our country was founded by men who questioned their government and fought to "form a more perfect union". These men were called seditionists and traitors, but it was because of them that we live in the country we love so dearly today. I would say that to become complacent and not question your government, to not hold it accountable for its actions, and to not work to make it better would be comparable to the loyalists of the revolutionary period, and therefore truly un-american.

Furthermore, the GOP has been accusing Obama of being socialist and questioning his patriotism because of his association with Ayers... what about the fact that Palin was a member of a political party that wanted Alaska to secede from the United States? I'm not sure but I believe when you want to leave the country you are apart of, that is the MOST un-american thing you can possible do. To question a government and to fight for change is one thing but to fight to leave a coutnry is a whole other thing!

If you can logically argue this, please do, because I am truly confused as to where the GOP gets off accusing Obama as being un-patriotic when their VP candidate wanted to leave the country?

Dear Mom,

Thank you for not sucking as a parent. Seriously, what is wrong with some people?

Cheese: The Best Snack on Earth

http://health.msn.com/nutrition/articlepage.aspx?cp-documentid=100215630&GT1=31036

I've been saying this for years!!

Barack Obama does care about black people

Boom Goes the Dynamite

A classic.

Introducing... my new iPhone

So about 3 weeks ago, I became the proud owner of the new 3G iPhone and I LOVE it. I mean, I don't just love it, it sort of completes me. When I have a bad day, it makes me smile, with it's shiny little face and email updates. When I am sad, it makes me happy, with it's cute little apple self. When someone calls me and pisses me off, I no longer want to throw my phone out the window. I just simply hang up on said caller and then gently place the phone down on a solid surface so nothing happens to it. Really though, it is great and worth all the hassle I went through to get it. I had to wait almost a month for my little fruit to come in... I swear, people who adopt babies from foreign countries have a faster return rate than I did but not to worry, it all worked out. I know it's super materialistic and superficial and all that but it does allow myself to feel that much cooler than before. I like to think that it enhances the coolness that I already possess. Or think I possess. Or lack of knowledge about the coolness I secretly don't possess. Whatever, it works for me.

Speaking of working for me, I don't know how to operate this cute little maze of intricate electronic genius. I think maybe my fingers are too fat or my brain is too slow or my eyes get too easily distracted by all things shiny. Which ever one of those it is, it's really messin' me up. I get people's numbers and think I've saved them only to go to call that person and WHAMMO! No number to be found. (Granted the few times this happened, I had been enjoying some adult beverages...) I recently learned that I can no longer text and walk at the same time. The little darling is ultra sensitive and instead of writing, "Ok, girl. See u soon!" It comes out as "q# huek& Eed y xppj" which is no good for anyone. I am getting better at answering it, thank God for that. I think that was making not only me nuts but everyone who called me and could hear me talking just not to them, nuts too. And I am learning my way around all the settings, etc. So as you can see, it's been quite the process!

So, yeah, apple makes the cutest, best looking toys out there. I highly recommend this little dude... you know if you want to look cooler than you already are. Or pretend to be.

[OFFICIAL] Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince Trailer

DUUUHHH!!

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince Trailer

DUUUHHH!!!

Will Ferrell for Tiger Woods 2008 ESPYs

Where o where to place the blame?

I feel like a horrible person. Like all these crazy things keep happening in my life and that all these silly rumors keep surfacing. I have been feeling that way the past few weeks (minus my 5 glorious days of vacation, thanks to you Miss HEP!) and it's the pits. I had a breakdown of sorts last night because it feels like all these things that have been happening or that I've been ignoring are coming to a head and I'm losing all this ground and my cred. It's funny too, how it's all connected, how a falling out or a misinterpretation or a lie from one person can make it's way to another person who the first person doesn't even talk to but yet they believe it. Why is that? Why is it so much easier to believe the bad stuff? Why is it that you choose to believe the bad stuff first? Is it because that's what you hear first? Is it because you secretly don't trust the people you call (or called) friends? How did all this get so off track?

I feel like I need to reevaluate things in my life. I think I need to get over myself, in the since that I should get shut up, move on, and let it go. I need to stop being so selfish maybe and get back to that place where I was happy. I know it sounds so needy and so cliche and so whiny but I think it's true. I can't control anything else except the way that I react to the things that are thrown at me and truth be told, I haven't been doing the best job of that I could be. Or that I should be. Taking the high road is SO much harder. Believe me, I'd like nothing more than to just throw a few low blows but what good would it do? I know me and I know that if I did in fact do that, I would feel on top for about 27 minutes and then I would feel awful about it. That's not me, that's not how I want to be. And to be honest, I'm just so tired. I'm tired of the gaping mouths that cannot hold their tongues. I'm tired of the adolescent attitudes and the foresaking of friendships because of false statements. In short, I'm tired of the drama. I feel like it's time for me to fall off the radar. Just you know, disappear for awhile. Let things work themselves out and just sorta fade into the background for awhile. I have a million other things in my life to focus on, especially if I want to go back to school and I know that this too shall pass. And since I'm not dead yet, I guess it'll make me a tad stronger too.

But it's sooooo far away....

Gettin' it off my chest

Dear X,
So I guess this is it. I guess this was the divine intervention of the universe and maybe it was suppose to happen. I wish I could apologize for whatever it is that you believe I did but the truth is that you already chose to believe him and nothing I can say will change that. I'm shocked that you don't want to know my side of the story. Me, me who you've known for 8 years and who has never betrayed you and who has forgiven you, over him, who let's be honest, you don't even know. I don't know if it's simply easier for you to believe him because it makes you feel better, like it lessens the blow or something else that I don't understand. With you, I'm never sure. You have this amazing ability to take anything someone says, whether it's positive or negative and put the opposite spin on it. You always think someone is out to get you. That's simply not the case. I don't think that anyone thinks about you the way you think they do. Unfortunately, you are so self absorbed that you would never pick up on that. I wish you would seek the help that you and everyone else around you, who cares about you, knows that you need. I realize that you, like myself, have issues. We all have issues. Yours may just be more deep rooted than you'd like to admit. There's no shame in self improvement. I'm just worried that you think you don't need to change. If you didn't, you wouldn't be so lonely. If you are the company you keep, well, that says it all right there. I think I let you back in because I felt guilty. I felt guilty about not feeling guilty. (Like I said, I have my own issues.) And I feel sorry for you... no, not pity but more like I don't want to abandon you since you really have no one else. I don't think you know what it is to be happy with yourself, yourself, not your things, or to (at the risk of sounding overly cheesy) be able to love yourself. You're so visibly unhappy, like you can't stand to be in your own skin. I just wish you could see that and want to make a change. That doesn't mean that anything is "wrong" with you. If you can't self reflect or grow as a person, how can you become the person you wish you were? I don't think you're a bad person, I think you just got lost somewhere along the way. You are quite a force to be reckoned with and part of me was really drawn to that but I've changed and I can't ever go back to being that way. It's toxic to me. And you. I think maybe we've gotten to the point where we became poisonous to each other. (We rarely say nice things to each other and even when that happens, it's me complimenting you. That's not normal in a friendship.) It's hard, I know, because we were SO close for so long but it's evident, oh so obvious, that this can't continue. I can't have you in my life because I don't like who I am when you move in and try to take over.

Just so you know, I never wanted him. I still don't. You still care for him and I would never take advantage of that. He came on to me. He was doing right in front of you and I can't believe you didn't see it. (I did everything I could possibly think of to diffuse any sort of sexual anything. Why do you think I was talking about tennis?) I wish you would have seen it because that would have made it easier for me. What did I have to gain by telling you the truth? Really? Nothing but I did it anyway. I mean, what if I never told you? Would that have made it easier or would something else have eventually happened and made it worse? You tell me because I did what I thought was right and got burned. He's a jerk and just to prove that, he sent me a text the next day saying that I should have come over. It's not me, it never was. And no, it is absolutely not all about me. I don't know where you EVER got that idea. I pushed him away. I swear, he could have raped me and it would have been my fault. You're unbelievable.

Seeing as how I'm "dead" to you, you'll never read this and you'll never know what really happened. That's your choice and I accept that. Just makes me wonder if I really ever wanted someone like that in my life. I wish you nothing but the best and hope that we never have to run into each other because it would be horrible and awkward for us both. And I'm sorry to say, I have no idea how you would react (i.e. would you throw a beer bottle at my head? would you scream at me in the middle of the bar?) I hope you make it to LA because I know you'd be happy there and maybe things in your life would change for the better.

And so it is. I have no idea how to end this because I don't want to seem excessively dramatic and yet not dramatic enough.

So, that's it. Maybe one day, we can put this behind us and get on with getting on... until then,

Me

The Ruination of Facebook

Once upon a time, in the not to distant past, there was a place found on the internet where college students could share pictures, information, and keep in touch with classmates and high school friends at different universities. It was a tool, that used properly, was even useful in expanding learning outside of the classroom. It was free from banner ads and embedded ads, and it was simple and easy to use. It started out at just a few universities but slowly spread to college campuses across the country. Pretty soon you couldn't find a college student who didn't know what Facebook was.

Today, the game has changed. No longer exclusive to college students, Facebook has become an open cesspool for anyone with a computer. Where once was a place to communicate with friends, is now a "junk drawer" for 'applications', banner ads, spam, and middle schoolers trying to post pictures of themselves in their most inappropriate poses. What was once a convenient and easy way to see what your friends were up to or what kinds of things were going on around campus; is now an, almost impossible to navigate, mess of applications that people have made to try and make money or, at the very least, waste hours of your time.

When we look back at the progression of Facebook, it is pretty easy to see where the transformation from positive social technology to viral mass marketing tool and pedophile playground occurred.

The first big change was the introduction of the 'News Feed'. All of a sudden your friends, and those you added to be nice, could see every time you made an update to your profile or someone wrote on your wall. So bad was the initial launch of this new feature, that Facebook had to temporarily suspend it until they could make the appropriate fixes to their security policy. Enter Phase 2 of the transformation. With the addition of the 'News Feed', Facebook had to instill security measures where people could pick or choose what updates got televised on the News Feed. Most people, concerned with the absolute creepiness-factor of it all and the sheer threat of a cyber-stalker, realized that it was safest to just prevent everything from being shown on the News Feed.

Next, and probably the biggest factor in the ruination, was the opening of Facebook to the general public. In just 1 day, Facebook went from an online community of college students in the same general position to a community of Tom, Dick, and Harrys which included everything from middle schoolers to pedophiles to teachers and parents. The first two, I might note, don't necessarily go well together. A sanctuary for a group of people with generally similar views, experiences, etc. had become open to the evils of the ignorant public. It wasn't long before little siblings became curious of Facebook, followed by parents, and soon companies and businesses were looking into Facebook for information about potential employees and as a tool for advertising. Pandora's box had been opened.

Finally, was the introduction of 3rd party applications. Although, one of the bullet points of Web 2.0 and social networking, Applications were the final piece of the puzzle to ruining Facebook. Anyone with some programming knowledge was able to create an application that could be added to someone's Facebook page. Applications ranged from enhanced versions of Facebook features that already existed to full-fledged games, and the one thing that all of the applications had in common was the ability to send any updates to the News Feed. Now, not only can your friends see when you make profile updates but they can also see when your ninja kills a pirate or what celebrity you resemble. Facebook pages and News Feeds, alike, have become polluted with useless applications, unimportant information, and stupid ads. Some of the applications even make you send your friends invites to install the app on their page just for you to get to the end point of the app. Most of these applications aren't designed so they are easy to use, but rather for the user to unassumingly click on an indescrete link that takes them to some other site trying to sell them something. And so, once again, the security issues comes into play; and people realize that instead of having to sift through pages of pointless News Feeds, it is easier to just block all updates from coming to the News Feed.

Thus, we are left with an online community of pages that people don't update often or look at because they are afraid of being bombarded with News Feeds, ads, and spam. A place where people have become so cautious about what is televised to everyone, that they choose to not share any information at all. Where it was once commonplace to see people using Facebook walls almost like instant messaging, we are left with the equivalent of grafitti on an overpass where walls are written on sporatically. No longer can you simply sign on and see what your friends are up to or how they are doing. Instead you either have to search for their profile in your friends list and see if they have made any updates or changes, or you have to be satisfied with reading about how they got a personal high score in Word Twist.

Due to the greed and ignorance of America, a site that was a great tool for social communication amongst, atleast somewhat, semi-intellectual college students, and had loads of potential has become a site of pointless procrastination for the masses.

Check your balls

Hilarious!!

Teeny Little Super Guy

They should probably just merge the NBA and the WNBA

After last night's game between the Lakers and Celtics, Paul Pierce proved why the NBA should merge with the WNBA. And, I know most of you out there are asking yourselves why anyone would suggest such a prepostorous thing. Well, I'll tell you why... both leagues are filled with p*ssies.



Paul Pierce went out of last night's game with a "knee injury". It was "so bad" that he had to be wheeled into the locker room in a wheel chair, but "miraculously" he was able to come back into the game and win it with two 3-pointers. Turns out he might have a "slight sprain". A slight sprain, required him to be wheeled into the locker room? Are you kidding me? This is a prime example of how the NBA has become a league of overpaid pre-madonnas that is quickly becoming on par with MLB. Today, players in both sports are paid millions of dollars, which works out to thousands of dollars per game, and yet they will sit out with broken fingernails, mild sprains, sore muscles, etc. What happened to the days when players played through almost anything because they had the desire to be in the game? Because it was more painful to sit on the bench injured, than to play through whatever injury they may have had?



If you had watched any of the Stanley Cup Finals, that ended this week, you will have more of an idea about where I'm coming from. In the finals players were playing with dislocated shoulders, broken noses, broken feet, and who knows what other minor injuries that didn't even get broadcasted. Ryan Malone got his nose broken in Game 1, took a 90mph puck in his face which rebroke his nose, and was out playing the next period. Two years ago, Sidney Crosby played with a broken foot. Hockey with a broken foot would be like playing baseball or basketball with a broken hand. With that said, I think it's pretty obvious that hockey players are some of the most resiliant athletes in the world, yet somehow they are the least paid. I guess my main complaint is that the NBA and MLB have taken away the 'love of the game' that players used to play their respective sports for and replaced it with multi-million dollar contracts and greed. Players no longer play just to play or play because they love playing the game. They play to earn money, to become famous, to buy expensive cars, and make it rain at strip clubs. What incentive do they have to play with a minor injury when they get paid the same ridiculous money regardless and since they make so much of it to begin with, what motivation is there? I think part of the reason is the salaries these guys make, but another part of it is the seasons are too long... especially baseball. When you're playing over a hundred games, it's hard to keep a high level of drive game in and game out.



How do we solve this? My proposal: Put a realistic salary cap into place. No one deserves to make more money than some small nations for simply putting a ball into a basket or hitting and catching a ball. Honestly, hockey players make the least amount of money for any professional sport but I think their salaries are about right for professional athletes. A couple million max! No, 125mil contracts for a player who has been injured much of this season and can't hit a ball during the playoffs. The sports haven't really become more popular in the last several years, in fact they've probably become less popular. Salaries should be based on the greatest players to play the game. For example, I think it's pretty easy to say that Michael Jordan was the best player in the history of basketball, no one to day should be making more than he did when he played. Sure inflation should be taken into consideration but that's about it. Get the qualities back into the game, that used to make the games great and fun to watch.

The Greatest Trophy in Professional Sports

What other sport has:
1) Jack Bauer do the intro
2) Players play with broken and/or dislocated body parts
3) Grow and play with some of the most manly beards ever
4) Get into fights because of tradition and unwritten rules (some pregame warmups even include boxing)
5) Goes hand-in-hand with drinking ice cold Canadian beer
6) Rarely includes speeches that contain the phrase, "I'd like to thank God."

Me vs. the Loaded Steakhouse Burger (Ohio Moo and the Kingdom of the turd burgers.)

The Loaded Steakburger- loaded with crispy, baked potato topping, bacon, A1 steak Thick & Hearty Steak Sauce and a slice of American cheese on top of a 100% Angus Beef patty. (Courtesy of BK.com.)

Friday, May 23, 2008
13:00- 14:00
Burger King

I'm not sure why anyone thought this was a good idea but it was mission accomplished after today. I wanna give a special thanks to the indestructible organ that is my stomach and to my brain for being able to rationalize its way into and out of any situation.

Ok, so I was actually terrified of ordering this monstrosity and after the hot cashier with the black eyeliner asked me if I grew up in a house with casseroles, I was petrified. But being the brave soul that I am, I soldiered on with my boss right behind me. We ordered the same thing, the Loaded, not the regular which looked decent, Steakburger. Upon unwrapping and seeing this "edible burger" face to face, I realized that I made a big mistake. Huge. This thing was almost the size of my head and looked like the insides of someones insides. Smelled like it too.

I took my first bite and wasn't sure. Second bite, okay. Third bite, what oh what have I done? I think that musta been the first bite with the baked potato topping on it. The sandwich was also boobie trapped which was only appropriate because Burger King is promoting the new Indiana Jones movie. A rogue piece of bacon weaseled its way out of the bun and slapped me in the face, leaving a trail of A1 Thick and Hearty slime on my cheek. Don't worry tho, I rassled that thang back where it belonged, on the floor. It was hot.

I can honestly say that the Baconator killed the Steakburger. Hands down.
No contest. At least now I know that. You definitely need something to cleanse the palate afterward, I recommend ice cream but stick to the soft serve.

Moo: 1; Sandwiches: 1
Up next: Me vs. the Big Buford.

Pics and video coming soon...

Charlie bit my finger - again !

Learned from the Pepsi Commercials

Me vs. The Baconator

The Baconator sandwich- is a hamburger sold by the international fast-food restaurant chain Wendy's. It is one of their late-teen–to–young-adult, male-oriented products. The Baconator consists of two 4oz. beef patties, two slices of American cheese, six strips of bacon, mayonnaise, ketchup on a premium bun. - Courtesy of Wikipedia

Morgan Moo Milla- the thrilla Killa from the Villa is a 27 year old, 104 lb lady who usually is a healthy eater but sometimes isn't.

Friday, May, 9, 2009
12:00- 1:00 pm
Wendy's

So, this has been building momentum for sometime now... the Baconator has been out in the world for just over a year and I was the last person in my office to sample it. Everyone talked of it's juicy, cheesy goodness but I was suspect. That and I simply am not a fan of bacon on my burgers. (I can't help it. I was dropped on my head as a child.) Several times I have been tempted by the call of the Baconator but each time I shot it down like a dude with a popped collar and a puka shell necklace. Today was different. I had to answer the door because destiny was a-knocking... and I had a date with that sandwich.

My boss, Dirt Nasty and another work friend, ZZ loaded up in the car and headed over to Wendy's... I couldn't eat it alone. I needed moral support. And witnesses. As we exited the car, I felt like soundtrack music should have been swelling in the background and that we should have been walking in slow motion. I stepped up to the plate and ordered that thang... with fries and a diet coke, natch. We sat down and I unwrapped it and the smell of it's bacony-cheesy goodness hit me smack in the face. I was ready. The first bite was, in a word, incredible. The second bite was reminiscent of a breakfast sandwich. And the third bite, well, I was wondering if I could eat another one at this sitting. I highly recommend the Baconator although I must say, it is not for the faint of heart... or weak of stomach. I am a human garbage disposal so it didn't do any immediate damage to this girl but if you gots the IBS or something, steer clear. You could have explosive rhea and be in the head for a while.

Another thing checked off the Summer of Fun 2008 list. Atta girl, Moo Moo. Atta girl.

20 Guidelines to a Successful Cult

The following guidelines are based on the stupidity and ridiculousness of some of the famous cults in history:

1. Don't bang underage girls
2. Don't bang married chicks
3. Don't do any weird sexual shit, Jesus didn't do it and your followers are going to catch on pretty quickly. Besides, you're the Messiah that is as good of a pickup line as any.
4. Don't take your followers' money, have them give it to the 'needy'. It makes you look greedy and really brings your intentions into question
5. Grow a beard
6. Don't make ridiculous claims, like the world is going to end on so-and-so day. When it doesn't happen your powers are going to become meaningless.
7. Whatever you do, make it appear that you always have less than your followers. You're the Messiah, worldly possessions need to appear meaningless to you.
8. Always wear sandals and robes. Messiahs don't wear Nike's and jeans.
9. If you have some effed up childhood, you're going to have trouble convincing others that you are who you say you are. Keep that stuff under wraps.
10. Don't use "I'm the Messiah" to justify weird shit.
11. Learn magic.
12. Look for people that have recently gone through tragedy. For the same reason the skinheads are always getting new recruits, tragedy and sadness make people incredibly gullible trusting.
13. Don't wear aviator glasses. At this point, it's pretty safe to say, David Koresh ruined this one for future cult leaders.
14. Don't have disabled followers or freaky people hang around you, a Messiah could cure these imperfections.
15. Dissenters only mean storms are ahead. Be prepared. Better yet, get better persuasion skills.
16. A degree in psychology or marketing is just as good as reading the Bible, religion is simply a tool of persuasion. There are several other things that can be used.
17. You must be skinny. Related to #7 you need to make it appear that your followers get way more than you and if you're fat and they are skinny, it's going to be difficult.
18. Don't do documentaries with National Geographic. Secrecy is a strength, use it.
19. Don't have your followers do weird stuff like have group suicides or kill people. Again, secrecy is a good thing and that stuff just gets you on the grid of the authorities.
20. Always talk in slow and soft tones. In no way can you come across as aggressive. Always seem nurturing.

Fraggle Rock. Spanish Opening

and just for Moo.

Fraggle Rock Intro

Back when everyone had HBO and HBO had kids shows on it.

Emma's Thoughts on Gas Prices

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msnbc.com: Tequila grows up, gets more expensive

Tequila grows up, gets more expensive
Over the last few years tequila, once favored by the less-than-salubrious denizens of Margaritaville, has really come of age.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/24407985/from/ET/

 

I’ve been saying this for how long?

Westerville North Gaylords!!

gaylord- The Ultimate insult...in which nothing can outmatch. In using Gaylord you are saying somebody is essentially the Ruler of all Gays.

A Gaylord is a about 100x10^999 times more insulting than all of those words combined. Unlike many other definitions claim, Gaylord cannot be beaten by "fuck you" or any other insult.

Gaylord is a classic insult used many centuries ago, but recently has become lost in time...fortunatly it is slowely being brought back into everyday use.

Random Guy 1: Dude, fuck you to the max...and SUCK IT!!!

Random Guy 2: You're such a GAYLORD...Hail the ruler of all gays.

Random Guy 1: Shit, I just got served

(from urbandictionary.com)

Kris Kros - Jump

Pause the game: Things you may not know, may already know, or may need to know about the female sex, a list.

Ok, so after much thought and consideration, I have decided to compose a list of things that women wish men knew and if they already know these things then it's a list we wish they could remember.

1. When considering whether or not to ask out the girl you're afraid to talk to, keep this in mind: No matter who you are or what you look like, it's always flattering when you hit on us. Always.


2. You should show a mammoth appreciation for every square inch of our soft, hairless bodies. Waxing hurts like a motherfucker!


3. Dousing yourself in cologne is never sexy. If we wanted you to smell like us, we would date other women. So stick to your natural, God-given scent. We love it. Honest.


4. Like you, we never read Playboy for the articles. We like naked ladies almost as much as you do.


5. Please don't be thrown by the fact we have careers and homes and are independent women; we still need you very much for your love, for your humor, for the way you look at things differently, and for your loving arms around us.


6. Like the fortune cookie says: We love it when you ask us what we want. We also love it when you tell us what to do. In bed.


7. Soft and slow is always the way to go. Then again, sometimes we like it hard and rough.


8. Call us back right away. That "three day" crap does not apply. We're getting older and we don't have time to screw around. Wait too long and we'll lose interest. Trust me on this one.


9. If we come to you with a problem, don't get all Dr. Phil on our asses. We'll figure out the answer on our own. In fact, we already know the answer; we just like hearing ourselves talk.


10. A good plan (i.e., dinner reservations) makes for a perfect evening; no plan (i.e., no dinner reservations) makes for a quick goodbye.


11. Let us catch you looking at us.


12. If it's over, just tell us. If you're sitting around afraid of hurting us, it only makes the relationship so unbearable that we have to break up with you. We're actually stronger than you think, so even though we may cry more than you do, we're way more resilient.


13. Even if cupping your hand in front of your mouth yields no results, you may still have bad breath. It's okay; we all do sometimes. It's just that women appreciate a man who's mastered the art of the brush and floss.


14. Making us wait for your call does not make us more interested; it just makes you seem painfully slow.


15. We'll try anything once. Twice if you ask nicely.


16. The words jugs, rack, and clam are best used when referring to items found in a kitchen. If you're struggling to find ways to describe our anatomy, try to use words that cannot be printed in this magazine. Trust me on this.


17. We'd prefer it if you didn't use your tongue as if you were trying to remove a spot.


18. When we say, "I don't like to play games," it's because we are very experienced at playing games.


19. We are born detectives. So it should be no surprise that a man will always get caught cheating, because, in our eyes, he's always a suspect. It's only a matter of time.


20. We think about sex as much as you do, maybe more. We are simply covert about it.


21. Beware of the vagina, because it can read minds. You should also listen very closely to the vagina. It is a storyteller and a dreamer of dreams.


22. Some of us like cars, sports, and money.


23. We can have sex without expecting a call from you the next day.


24. Whether it's poker, rock climbing, stamp collecting, or fantasy football, we want to know the secret language of your hobbies. (That being said, if you tell us that playing Halo 2 improves the dexterity of your fingers, you'd better be able to prove it.)


25. We enjoy eating a greasy cheeseburger as much as you do. Maybe more.


26. How sexy you look unbathed at a campsite first thing in the morning is as important as how sexy you look in a tux. Then again, looking good in a tux can turn a nice girl into a porn star.


27. If you won't hold our hands in public, we won't blow you in private.


28. Chivalry does not emasculate you or make you our bitch.


29. If we run into your ex-girlfriend in public, the first thing you should do is put your arm around us. And if we have to introduce ourselves, you are in big trouble.


30. If, when asking a lady to spend the night, she says no, accept it and do not try to tip the scales with an offer of breakfast. Any girl who is swayed by the prospect of an omelette is probably not a keeper.


31. If we have to ask for it, go fuck yourself.


32. Sexy beats cute. Smart trumps sexy. Funny takes the pot.


33. Sometimes, we drink till you're cute, too.


34. We're way more vulgar than you. We just aren't as loud.


35. You are not the only ones who wish we would stop rambling on about our problems and just make out.


36. Smiling while kissing is so okay... once or twice. It shows us that you're enjoying yourself; more than that and we will get annoyed.


37. You should always pay on the first date.


38. We love it when you pick us up at the airport.


39. Women are crazy. Know that and tuck it away in your manly hearts.


40. Don't go running in fear or in search of the fire extinguisher everytime we start crying. Sometimes tears are a good thing. Stick around for the end result.


41. You say: "I'm intense." We hear: "I'm a psycho." We don't ever want to have an "intense" time at dinner.


42. Never take credit for something we actually did.


43. Men are free to think they're the boss, as long as they know we're the chairman of the board.


44. Many of us prefer a good single-malt Scotch to an apple saketini.


45. Since we let you inside of us, we care a lot about where you've been.


46. Go for the girl who can eat a proper meal. If she's passionate about food, you'll most likely be fortunate in other venues.


47. Don't paint a nasty picture of your exes. We'll justifiably wonder what made you stay in those heinous situations in the first place.


48. Notice the small things. The rewards are inversely proportional.


49. Sometimes we love you way more than we love ourselves.


50. There's something about a man who is a good driver: calm, good reflexes, knows where he's going, gets in and out of situations gracefully, knows when to speed up and slow down. Invariably, he's good in bed.


51. Don't try to figure us out. We don't even understand ourselves. Just think of us as a complex carbohydrate that's good for you.


52. We need you. Sometimes more than we'd like to admit.


53. The hottest man is the one who wants an age-appropriate woman. Case in point: Paul Newman -- still hot; Jack Nicholson -- man boobs. It's Mother Nature's ultimate revenge.


54. A woman will never discuss her boyfriend's "size" if there is anything lacking in that department. It's as much a source of disappointment and embarrassment for us as it is for you. On a related note, we never do unkind impressions of what you look like when you come. Unless, of course, it was a really bad breakup. Then everyone's going to know -- friends, family, work colleagues, the guy who does your dry cleaning.


55. Pull your pants up. You're not fifteen, you're not a rapper, and we need to see the shape of your ass.


56. When you break up with us, that means it's over, and we will only sleep with you two or three more times.


57. It's sexy when you cook for us.


58. Sometimes no means "I would have, but you're over thirty and spend your nights playing Xbox."


59. "No" does not mean "Yes, eventually," and if we say "Maybe," we really mean "No."


60. If you're wearing a baseball cap and you're bald...you know we know, right?


61. We only tell you the things we want you to know about us.


62. Some of us prefer "Fletch" or "Bull Durham" to a chick flick anyday of the week.


63. We prefer a man who's going to make $50 million to one who already has it. Women take potential over security every time.


64. Talking is our way of letting off steam, thus minimizing stress, thus minimizing heart problems, thus lengthening our lives by an average of five years. So let us talk. It's good for us.


65. Yes, we can dish it out. No, we can't take it.

Dayton Swim Club

Yep, this one just had to go up. And just so you know a group of us went and took a tour... easily the scariest 20 minutes of my life.

Ray LaMontagne- Empty (BBC FOUR Session)

I love this song.

Thunder Cats

Some things just shouldn't be made into a live action movie.

MASK

Such an underrated 80's cartoon.

Glow In The Dark Tour!

Homecoming

HOMECOMING from kwest on Vimeo.

Yours truly will be attending the Kanye West: Glow in the Dark Tour featuring Rihanna and Lupe Fiasco on June 13th! Word Son!

Today's Special Intro

Wow, look at that afro.

Form Voltron

It makes me feel funny where I pee. God, I loved this show!!

McDonald's Menu Song

How far can you get?

Pinwheel

I remember this being so much cooler, it's kind of scary and dark now.

My how the mighty have fallen

I remember watching this on Saturday mornings. Seriously though, to go from having your own cartoon to getting sued for millions would suck.

Or this?

Seriously, whoever made this popular is a huge a-hole!

Only the French!

Anyone remember this? And in related news, apparently his Dad took all his money and he was left with a couple thousand dollars.

Somewhere around 25 Bizarre becomes Immature: A List

The following is a list of activities that, although fun or amusing when you're 19-24, are not socially acceptable when you're 25:

1. Talking about donkey punching, turkey slapping, and anything related to hitting, punching, etc. to the other person during sex. It may have been funny to think about at the time, but at 25 you should be gettting sex regularly, so entertaining thoughts of weird sex acts because you're not getting any should not be necessary.
2. Alcohol Consumption and Alcohol Related Activities:
• Body shots. By the time you're 25 you should be drinking good liquor and pouring it all over somebody's body only to lick it off of them is a waste of good liquor.
• Shots. Again, related to the fact that you should be drinking good liquor. If you are a guy you should not be ordering anything less than whiskey or tequilla. That means the following shots are unacceptable: vodka, rum, any shot that includes anything that is not alcohol (i.e., grenadine, sour mix, juice, etc.--purple hooters, lemon drops, red headed sluts, etc. are all in this category), and anything that has whipped cream on it or in it (e.g., a blow job shot). Girls, if a guy you are with orders any of these shots you should a) question why you're with him or b) go home with the next nearest guy that is taking a real shot. Furthermore, short of a bachelorette party, there is no reason for a girl to take any of these shots either.
• Wine. Try it. There is far more alcohol out there besides beer and by now you should be smart enough to realize that wine has a higher percentage of alcohol and tastes better, especailly when paired with the right food.
• If you are 25 and still can't control your drinking and/or know when to cut yourself off you should not be drinking, so the following behaviors are no longer acceptable: punching, kicking, fighting, biting, or any other ridiculous physical behavior; one night stands or random hook-ups solely because you are 'drunk' and you 'don't know what you're doing'; passing out at bars or public places; boot 'n rally, puking and rallying, etc.; waking up with a stamp or mark on your face from the night before; going to work with a wrist band on; reaking of alcohol past noon the next day; smoking cigarettes only because you are drinking; uncontrollable emotional outbursts (i.e., getting angry for no reason, crying for no reason, etc.)
3. Tricking out your car. Just because Vin Diesel and Paul Walker were in their 30s in Fast and the Furious, does not make it cool to 'mod', 'trick out', or 'pimp out' your ride. Instead of wasting thousands of dollars on an exhaust and some neon lighting, spend the money and buy a big person car because, let's be honest, what are the changes you're going to race a quarter mile with someone? If you are street racing, you should probably jerk the wheel into on coming traffic the next time you race.
• This brings up the point that racing people from red lights or stops signs should never ever be done after your 25th birthday.
4. Dungeons and Dragons, Magic, and any sort of fantasy role-playing. At 25 you should be on your way to establishing some form of career and/or life, you should not need to find solace in pretending you're a wizard, troll, or whatever it is your weirdos pretend to be.
5. Anal Sex. See explanation for #1. Furthermore, at this point you should have had the opportunity to have atleast tried it. If you chose not to then that was your choice, but if you have then you should have realized that it's really not that great and if you still think it is and you're a guy you should probably spend some time at a turkish bath house... you know... "to just see what it's all about and maybe experiment" because chances are that you have some deep rooted issues that are preventing you from truly 'being yourself'.
6. Rollercoaster Relationships. Breaking up, getting back together again, and doing it all over again is something we do when we're in high school and college because we're learning about the dynamics of relationships. By this time, you should have at least one serious relationship under your belt and the period to learn how to break-up should be long past.
• When breaking up, things that should be avoided (and ultimately never enter your mind): seeking revenge (i.e., contacting your ex's family members, hooking up with friends of your ex, etc.). and name calling (break-ups happen, be a big boy and get over it).
7. Racism, sexism, and any other form of ignorance. You have now been alive a quarter of a centrury and have spent enough time in this world to hopefully be exposed to all walks of life, if you still have prejudices based on ignorance, get out more, go meet some people and start being an adult.
8. Not owning any dress clothes and/or the general inability to get dressed up. At this stage in the game, you and/or several people you know should be getting married. It is not acceptable to wear a clean pair of jeans or khakis and your Saturday golf polo to a wedding. Along these lines, it is no where near acceptable to wear a similar outfit to a job interview unless you are interviewing for a blue-collar job. Don't go drinking one weekend, take the money you saved, and buy yourself a respectable outfit.
• Sagging your pants. Why? No really, why? Why would you still be sagging your pants?
9. Not knowing how to cook and/or do laundry. Although you could get away with eating McDonalds and wearing the same clothes for weeks on end in college, this behavior is no longer acceptable. I'm not saying everyone needs to know how to cook a 3 course meal but you should at least know how to boil some vegetables, cook a chicken and grill a steak. As for laundry: whites go with whites, colors go with colors, don't use bleach except for whites, and stick to using cold water (it's easier).
10. Smoking Weed. This is something most people have at least tried and although there's no scientific evidence, I'm still convinced the majority of chronic pot smokers smoke to ease their anxiety of human interaction. If you are one of these people, they offer legal prescriptions to cure this. Smoking weed is something people do in high school and college because it is cheap and they don't know any better. And not that I condone drug use, but if you are 25 and still feel the need to experience some altered state of mind, then grow up and do some real drugs like coke.
11. Okay, as much as it pains me to admit, dating a member of the opposite sex that is under the age of 21. The general rule is half your age plus 8 years (e.g., 25/2 = 12.5 + 8 = 20.5). Take it from someone who's been there before, dating people that cannot legally drink really limits the activities that you can partake in (thank god, mine had a fake I.D.). Aside from the whole limited social calendar is the issue of maturity and the heart of this entire list. There is a certain level of maturity you develop between 19 and 25, and as someone of relative maturity the activities that one would partake in at 19 should seem ridiculous at this point. Stay away from it. Find someone that you can do more than just sleep with.
12. Decorating with Blacklights, Lava Lamps, and Glow-in-the Dark Anything. Sure this stuff was fascinating when you were a kid and it was trippy when you were drunk or stoned in college but if you're using any of these things to decorate your abode, you might as well just buy inflatable furniture (and no this is NOT cool)!!

Special thanks to Maggie, Manda, Sarah, Laura, and Moo for adding their 2 cents.

Emma's First Blog

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An E-Mail from Obama

Five years ago today, President George W. Bush launched a war that should never have been authorized based on faulty premises and bad intelligence.
This war has now lasted longer than World War I, World War II, or the Civil War.
Nearly four thousand Americans have given their lives. Thousands more have been wounded. Even under the best-case scenarios, this war will cost American taxpayers well over a trillion dollars.
And where are we for all of this sacrifice?
We are less safe and less able to shape events abroad. We are divided at home, and our alliances around the world have been strained. The threats of a new century have roiled the waters of peace and stability, and yet America remains anchored in Iraq.
I am running for President because it's time to turn the page on a failed ideology and a fundamentally flawed political strategy, so that we can make pragmatic judgments to keep our country safe.
That's what I did when I stood up and opposed this war from the start and said that we needed to finish the fight against al Qaeda. And that's what I'll do as President of the United States.
Please take a few minutes to read my strategy for ending the war in Iraq and making America safer. I hope you will sign on and show your support:
http://my.barackobama.com/page/m/f16eeee7695e8268/L0D1Fw/VEsE/
Senator Clinton says that she and Senator McCain have passed a "Commander-in-Chief test" -- not because of the judgments they've made, but because of the years they've spent in Washington.
She made a similar argument when she said her vote for war was based on her experience at both ends of Pennsylvania Avenue.
But here is the stark reality: there is a security gap in this country -- a gap between the rhetoric of those who claim to be tough on national security, and the reality of growing insecurity caused by their decisions.
It is time to have a debate with Senator McCain about the future of our national security. And the way to win that debate and keep America safe is to offer a clear contrast -- a clean break from the failed policies and politics of the past.
Nowhere is that break more badly needed than in Iraq.
Join me in supporting an end to this war and a plan for a safer America:
http://my.barackobama.com/page/m/f16eeee7695e8268/L0D1Fw/VEsF/
The judgment that matters most on Iraq -- and on any decision to deploy military force -- is the judgment made first.
If you believe we are fighting the right war, then the problems we face are purely tactical in nature. That is what Senator McCain wants to discuss -- tactics. What he and the Administration have failed to present is an overarching strategy: how the war in Iraq enhances our long-term security, or will in the future.
That's why this Administration cannot answer the simple question posed by Senator John Warner in hearings last year: Are we safer because of this war? And that is why Senator McCain can argue -- as he did last year -- that we couldn't leave Iraq because violence was up, and then argue this year that we can't leave Iraq because violence is down.
When you have no overarching strategy, there is no clear definition of success.
Success comes to be defined as the ability to maintain a flawed policy indefinitely. Here is the truth: fighting a war without end will not force the Iraqis to take responsibility for their own future. And fighting in a war without end will not make the American people safer.
When I am Commander-in-Chief, I will set a new goal on Day One: I will end this war. Not because politics compels it. Not because our troops cannot bear the burden -- as heavy as it is. But because it is the right thing to do for our national security, and it will ultimately make us safer.
Show your support for a clear strategy to end the war in Iraq and focus our national security efforts on making America safer:
http://my.barackobama.com/page/m/f16eeee7695e8268/L0D1Fw/VEsC/
Here are the core elements of my strategy to address our critical national security challenges in the 21st century:
End the war in Iraq, removing our troops at a pace of 1 to 2 combat brigades per month;
Finally finish the fight against the Taliban, root out al Qaeda and invest in the people of Afghanistan and Pakistan, while making aid to the Pakistani government conditional;
Act aggressively to stop nuclear proliferation and to secure all loose nuclear materials around the world;
Double our foreign assistance to cut extreme poverty in half;
Invest in a clean energy future to wean the U.S. off of foreign oil and to lead the world against the threat of global climate change;
Rebuild our military capability by increasing the number of soldiers, marines, and special forces troops, and insist on adequate training and time off between deployments;
Renew American diplomacy by talking to our adversaries as well as our friends; increasing the size of the Foreign Service and the Peace Corps; and creating an America's Voice Corps.
Please take a minute to show your support for this plan:
http://my.barackobama.com/page/m/f16eeee7695e8268/L0D1Fw/VEsD/
We are at a defining moment in our history.
This must be the election when America comes together behind a common purpose on behalf of our security and our values.
That is what we do as Americans. It's how we founded a republic based on freedom, and faced down fascism. It's how we defended democracy through a Cold War, and shined a light of hope bright enough to be seen in the darkest corners of the world.
When America leads with principle and pragmatism, hope can triumph over fear. It is time, once again, for America to lead.
Thank you,
Barack Obama

No good deed goes unpunished...

So, last night I got home from work and went to get my mail. On my way back up to my apartment, I stopped at my new neighbor's door to introduce myself and say hi, if you ever need a cup of sugar, you know where I live. (They moved in a week or so ago.) He answered his door, I gave my little speech but replaced "cup o sugar" with "if my music is ever too loud, feel free to let me know", seeing as how he isn't that cute. He said his name is Chris and thanks, good to meet you, yadda yadda, yadda.
I'm now sitting upstairs with my elastic waist pants on, eating cold mac-n-cheese from last night (gross I know, but I love it)and getting ready for Jeopardy when, all of a sudden, there is a knock at the door. I answer it and surprise! it's Chris. He says, "Sorry for bugging you but I have a weird question for you... does your car ever smell like cat pee when you park it in the garage?" "No", I say, "but I think there is a cat who hangs around there because I've seen paw prints on the hood of my car. That's weird though." He agrees, it gets awkward and I say "Ooookay, so good to meet you." He's like "Yeah" loiter, loiter, loiter... and finally I'm like "Ok so maybe we can grab a drink sometime or something." Well, he loves that idea and says "Great!" and gives me his #. I give him mine. Hey, Jeopardy is starting and I'm missing it because of this moron. I would have given him 5 bucks to go away.
Ok, so I settle back into my niche on the couch and then, oh good, my phone tells me that I have a text message. Guess who? Oh good, it's Chris because you know, it's been SO long since we last spoke. He apologizes if the second meeting was awkward and I say nope, not for me. End. Period. Then he tells me not once but twice that he thinks I'm cute. I start to get nervous right around this time. Then the texting doesn't stop until (which is weird because I'm answering closed-ended very time), and I'm serious, 9:54 pm. I ignore like the last 2 message and go to bed.
I woke up this morning and was getting ready to walk out the door and I happened to glance down at my phone, oh that's right. He texted me this morning at 7:54 to say "have a good day :). Few things annoy me less than men who use the "smiley". I hate it. He's not getting off to a good start here... right dude, the LAST thing that I want to do is get a drink with some freak who texts me before I even have time to put his # in my phone. Dream on, boner, dream on!

The Day for Stupid Articles on MSN.com

Here are 2 more:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/23578747 - Hazing is Prevalent in Colleges
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/23579662 - 17% of 6th Graders have Tried Alcohol

Article 1: According to the researchers, we'll refer to them as Butch and Butcher (their picture was on the U. of Maine homepage, and I really did go look), hazing is prevalent on college campuses. Of course hazing, according to Butch and Butcher, hazing is anything that includes: atendance at a skit or roast where team members are humiliated; wearing clothing that is embarrassing; being yelled, screamed, or cursed at; acting as a personal servant; enduring harsh weather; drinking large amounts of a non-alcoholic beverage; drinking a large amount of alcohol to the point of passing out or getting sick; and watching live sex acts. Finally, their 'huge' surprising conclusion was that 9 of 10 people that reported experiencing one or more of these activities said they didn't feel like it was hazing. Butch and Butcher like to think that these results show that hazing is widespread and a serious concern that all universities should be concerned with. Moreover, they think that stricter laws and rules be implemented to combat this horrible act. Perhaps, if they would have put away their femi-nazi agendas and stopped to consider their results for a moment, they would realize that 9 out of 10 people didn't consider these activities to be hazing because they were, dare I say, having fun!! Obviously, some hazing does go too far, but singing and chanting... wearing embarrassing clothing... playing drinking games... It's college, and just because you spent your 4 years trying to come to grips with the fact that you like eating Snizz and getting fisted by a chick that looks like a dude, does not mean that the rest of the world is not allowed to experience anything 'fun' in college. Furthermore, people join a fraternity, sorority, sports team, club, etc. so they feel like a part of something. It is a proven psychological fact that things mean more when people have to work for them. When people go out to join these groups, most go in assuming that they will have to work in some way to get accepted. Those that don't are just naive. I guess what I'm trying to say is: Yes, hazing in which people die is something we should be concerned about but to define hazing to include singing, wearing clothes, having to associate with specific people as hazing is insane. The last time I checked no one died from singing or chanting in public, no one died from wearing embarrassing clothes, and no one died from hanging out with specific people. Articles like this really make me wonder just how many lines of research are started to find an answer to why bad things happen to certain people. Like the article I wrote about in which a researched found that teenage girls that hangout with boys are more likely to drink. Could this research simply exist because Butch and Butcher were embarrassed or made to feel bad in college and now they have some vendetta against anyone else feeling this way. Just because you had a poor experience in college doesn't mean you should ruin it for everyone else!! It's like if I were in a car accident and now I want to ban everyone from driving. People die in car accidents all the time, in fact the likelihood of dying in a car accident is much higher than dying from a hazing incident, does this mean we should work to ban driving? Maybe I should make that a dissertation topic.

Article 2: Read the article, a study that claims 17% of 6th graders have tried alcohol is trying to convince people that alcohol education should take place in elementary school. There are 3 issues I have with this article:

1. The sample is 4000 6th graders in Chicago, IL. I understand that most research studies are based on samples of college freshman and these are generalized to a larger population, however, 6th grade in 1 city is a little hard to generalize to all middle schoolers. My point is that college freshman from around the world is a much more homogenous group than 6th graders from around the world. Especially when the sample is from middle schools in a very large urban area. What about middle schoolers in rural areas? The south? All I'm saying is, it is a stretch to survey 4000 6th graders in 1 of the largest cities in the world and try to generalize it to all middle schoolers everywhere.
2. The key term here is 'tried'. 'Tried'... at this point take A.I. rant about practice but replace 'practice' with 'tried'. Growing up, how many peoples' parents let them have a sip of their wine or beer. Better yet, how many people had that little thimble of wine at church? 'Tried' constitutes a sip or a taste. For all we know, they tried alcohol with their parent. Once again, trying to make a huge conclusion from a relatively meaningless result... something researchers do all the time to try and make a name for themselves.
3. Introduce alcohol education in elementary school... I think that the older we get the more we forget how we thought as children or maybe these researchers don't have children or have little experience with children because from my experience, the more you tell a kid to not do something that millions of adults do, the more inclined they will be to want to try it. When I was in elementary school, alcohol was just something Dad drank. I spent as much time thinking about alcohol as I did thinking about a 401k. By introducing the idea of alcohol and that it's something kids should avoid, the more they will think about it and the more they think about it, the more likely they will be tempted to try it.

Here's a fascinating idea, don't introduce alcohol education classes to elementary students and don't try to create a big conclusion from a small sample, and more importantly a small sip. Instead, go home to your kids and be a mailto:F@$%5E&ing PARENT!!!!! It shouldn't be up to a 5th grade teacher to educate your son or daughter on why alcohol is bad, but it is your responsibility as a parent to know what the eff your kid is doing and be involved in their life. Middle schoolers can't drive and they can't hold jobs, so where and how are they acquiring alcohol? That is the question we should be answering. If more parents parented instead of point a finger at everyone and everything besides themselves for their kids' behavior, perhaps all these kids might grow up with some commonsense and be able to make good, informed decisions.

A day in the life of...

Bryan: new blog post
me: with emma?
Bryan: nope new one just posted
me: k
about what?\
Bryan: 1 in 4 teenage girls have an std, according to a 'new' study
from data in 2003
based on 838 girls
me: and the boys who gave them those stds?
Bryan: exactly
no mention
just read it
me: of course... i hate things. this is part of the reason i'm so jaded. no one takes fucking responsibility for anything! i blame society. this is why i can't handle things like this, porn, prostitution, etc. it literally makes me ill or irrationally angry to the point where it consumes me
and sorta makes me hate men. who wrote the article?
Bryan: simma down now
woman
me: i can't
i was thinking a lot about sex and sex related shit over the weekend and it really frustrates me. a lot.
who wrote it? a woman?
Bryan: the study was by a woman
article is just AP
me: how convenient.
Bryan: ok added a followup to it
me: fine
me: you know i can't read things like that. it'll ruin my day even more so than just knowing it's out there
Bryan: lol
orry
sorry
me: why is that funny?
rama and i are striking
Bryan: how much anger is in that little body of yours
me: because gas is 3.49
me: a lot... i mean, maybe you don't get it because you don't have a vagina but it's maddening. really, it is. and it's not the same for women. believe me, i'm not saying that we're all angels or anything but we in general we don't wanna pay for sex, oral or otherwise. and male strip clubs aren't that popular because again women don't wanna pay for it.
me: i don't have any real attachment to sex and maybe that's my own problem or lack of problem but i mean, think about this: what if your daughter or best friend or someone you really cared about starting stripping or putting out for money. how horrible? and then to have a man watch while you have sex or whatever with another man/ woman/ donkey, egging it on.... it's just unfathomable to me. Remember the scene is Requiem for a dream? And of course you can agrue that drug addicts will sell their soul for a fix and maybe that's true but they are still people.
Bryan: yeah, i agree for the most part
but i'm not sure i blame the person doing it as much as the person egging it on (paying money for it)
also keep in mind that most of the peopel that do it are screwed up to begin with
Bryan: i don't know if it's right to chastise all strippers, porn stars, etc.
they make really really good money, typically
me: they are basically one in the same, let's be honest here. if you're gonna pay for it, you're probably gonna egg it on and visa versa. i
so what
so do hitmen
Bryan: slow down your typing
me: what? why?
Bryan: "so do hit men"
??
me: yeah, make good money
they make good money
Bryan: oh got it
me: riiiight
Bryan: i don't know if you can generalize without knowing circumstance
belive me, i am the last person to say this
me: oh god... stop
Bryan: but i'm trying out this new thing sarah introduced me to called empathy
me: you do this everytime we talk about anything
and it's annoying
Bryan: so i should agree with you?
me: and my face is getting red and i'm sweating
Bryan: seriously, i think you're generalizing, maybe i'm missing the point of your argument which is very likely
me: you can agree disagree whatever but we are talking in glittering generalities here... that's all we have to go on
Bryan: but it seems like you're chastising strippers
me: do you know any strippers/ prostitutes that we can call and interview?
Bryan: no, but just because they take their clothes off for money makes them bad people?
me: when did i ever say anyone was a "bad person"?
like i said i blame society
Bryan: so are you just arguiong that the idea of it annoys you?
ahhhh
me: really and truely
Bryan: yeah, can agree with that
me: what?
Bryan: society as a whole is pretty sick
me: the idea of what?
me: whew!!!
rama says that you have to stop talking about things like this with me
me: there can be no supplier without a consumer and visa versa, i guess.
ok, i'm done. it's making me nuts!
me: also, i did in fact read the blog. Well done sir! Good form! Insightful and well written.
Bryan: thanks
assumptions and expectations... only lead to disappointment
i always questioned brad's theory on underpromising and overachieving but i'm seeing more and more merit in it.
me: i can understand the reasoning behind it but that's such a depressing outlook.
Bryan: no one ever gets in trouble for overachieving goals
but when people set too high of expectations or goals or people assume people will or are capable of something and they don't measure up, someone always gets hurt, upset, disappointed
so if you set your goals a step below what you know you can achieve then you can do nothing but overachieve
me: like i said, i understand the mechanics and the reasoning but still...
depresssing
Bryan: agreed
it's more of a CYA kinda-thing
Bryan: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/23576671
wow, who are we to criticize someone's human rights record, when our pres. just vetoed a bill to ban waterboarding?
me: college young adult, cat yoke applesauce, co-ed you ass?
what is waterboarding?
as long as it's not wakeboarding, we're clear.
Bryan: wow and by torcher i mean torchor
on a happier note
guess what I'm getting after work!!
me: i'm so confused... talking about torches and a made up word and i have no idea what you're getting.
Bryan: waterboarding - where they strap a person onto a board and just drop water on their head until they talk
August Rush on blu-ray
me: i figured that out but wtf does torchor mean?
Bryan: dude i can't spell
i barely passed my verbal GRE
give me a break
jerk
me: i still don't know what you were going for... torture?
Bryan: heyyyy there yuou go
man i suck
how did i graduate anything
i'm a failure
me: well, I'm SO over this day.
Elliot is too and he said that he already smoked 1000 cigs AND ate a bacon-nator. you know it's a bad day when both of those things happen.
Bryan: wow i didn't know people actually ordered and ate those
me: i'm not gonna do either even though i want too
oh yeah
Bryan: Seriously though
august rush came out today
and no country for old men
man i just volunteered to come into work for an hour and a half on saturday
Bryan: dude the more i read articles on MSN the more annoyed i get
some writer wrote that prince harry should have stayed in afgahnistan
and that his deployment was a strict PR stunt
thoughts?
me: That's why there was a media embargo on that fact? i mean, it couldn't have been a PR stunt... the Australian mag that 1st broke the news didn't know about the embargo. What were they suppose to be promoting? war?
silly, silly, ignorant people.
we should just post this convo as a blog
Bryan: do it
with the headline
"A day in the life of..."
Sent at 3:45 PM on Tuesday
me: ok
Sent at 3:49 PM on Tuesday

Research: Part 2

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/23574940

1 in 4 teenage girls have an STD? While I don't find this statistic to be overly unbelievable, I do question it's validity. The study was based on 838 participants of a "nationally representative sample"... from 2003-2004. Maybe the research is like me and really slow when it comes to data analysis, but she was collecting survey data. How hard is it to analyze survey data? 4 years to analyze survey data? Something smells fishy and it's not the infected snizzes of the 838 participants. I love how news articles are published on these studies and only provide the "controversial" results. How were these girls selected for the survey? Is it from all over the nation or just given out at BGSU (Yeah, you all know what I'm getting at with that one... dirty, dirty school). For your study to hold weight or for an article to truly be important or worthwhile, publish some more information about the sample, and not just repeating the fact that 1 in 4 teenage girls have an STD. Also, where's the data on males? Why is it that studies keep popping up about teenage girls (see previous posts)? What about studies on teenage males? Could it be that these studies are mostly carried out and published to fulfill some alterior motive like promote abstinance or sell something like vaccines, medication, check-ups, etc.? How many parents are going to read this and freak out that their teenage daughter has an STD? I hate how this country uses "scare tactics" to get things done, and I hate even more how the general public falls for such things (Read: 9/11 and the Patriot Act/Iraq War)?

The point of all this... America has become lazy. We would rather take things at face value, than than try to research and learn the truth. More to come on this topic in a future post....

Follow-Up: I went to the CDC website (the agency 'responsible' for the study) and there's no mention of the study, no resource to be found, nothing. Yet somehow, it is a "Breaking News" study on MSN.com. Amazing.

Photobucket Album

Vote!

I think that it's really refreshing that young Americans are getting so into this election and man! what a race it's turned out to be, right? I didn't vote until last night at 7 and I had to drive across town to do it but it was something that I felt so strongly about and it was something that I REALLY wanted to do so it was worth it.
I, obviously, have my own opinions about who I would like to win this thing but I think as long as you go out and vote and make your voice count, then that's a great start. Let's face facts, we are dying for a change. We're almost borderline obsessed with it as a country! I think it's a wonderful thing and I hope that it happens.

Yes We Can - Barack Obama Music Video

On Obama's "Unpatriotism"

This is a comment to an article about the false chain email claiming Obama
didn't say the Pledge of Allegiance. It is a really well written response.
Please read:

After a little more research, one discovers that he did recite the pledge and that this wasn't some sort of ant-patriotic gesture at all; he just
merely didn't have his hand over his heart during the national anthem. Many
people do it without even thinking about it. I've done it. In fact, here's a
picture of Obama with his hand over his heart during the Star Spangled
Banner: http://graphics2.snopes.com/politics/graphics/anthem3.jpgMaybe
it was an accident.

Moreover, I think that people who compose emails like
this and distribute them around the web to spread like wildfire (God save
SoCal) should re-evaluate their attitudes and conceptions about patriotism
and what is good for our nation. In the age of 99-cent yellow-ribbon
magnetic stickers and other perfunctory excuses for patriotism, our people
need to wake up and stop supporting patriotism. They need to actually be
patriots. Standing with your hand over your heart during a song about a
battle doesn't excuse you from going to the polls or supporting measures to
provide veterans with the resources they need. Flag pins and traditional
gestures are political passivism, not political activism.

And another thing: So what if his name is Barack Hussein Obama? I didn't choose my name (not that there's anything wrong with it). The real issue here has nothing
to do with his name. The problem conservative Americans have with Obama is
that he isn't a middle-aged white man whose concerns lie in big business.

Also, Obama is not and never was a Muslim. This is an idiotic fallacy most
likely based on his name. His father was raised Muslim but is a pronounced
atheist, and Barack himself is a member of the Church of Christ.
No, no, the fact of the matter is that Barack Obama is a reasonable man of integrity
who is concerned with the health of our public school systems, the
protections of basic health care for those who could not otherwise afford
it, initiatives to break dependence on oil, preventing telecommunications
companies from censoring the internet and demanding a fee for content, and
demanding that the Paris Hiltons of America still pay their estate taxes.
So I challenge anyone to tell me why Barack Obama is such an awful
candidate for president without spewing some ill-informed rhetoric stained
with party loyalty dogma for once. Because quite frankly, Obama has my vote
before any of the current Republican candidates. Maybe it's a good idea to
vote for a candidate in the presidential elections for reasons other than
their political party.

Comments

I fixed it so anyone and everyone can make a comment, so comment away!!

Happy Chinese New Year!!

I know it's a little late, but I had to post it. Besides, I figured out how to upload pictures and text from my phone, directly to the blog.

Negate Murphy's Law

Ok, so the last post I was working on was happy. It was all puppies and flowers... it was about how this past Valentine's Day was the best Valentine's Day that I've had in YEARS. Well, that all went down the toilet on Friday, the 15th. Yes, that's right, literally 24 after after I had written the aforementioned post.
So, let's get at it, shall we?
Friday I go over to the Galleria's house (the boy who I was seeing) and he and I and his roommate (who I am friends with from OU) are hanging out, drinking wine and then we go over to bar 851 and meet some more people out. Everything is lovely, everyone is having a good time and then we decide to go to another bar which we shall call Shovak's. Same deal, everyone having fun, the Galleria and I are playing pool and winning. Life is good. All of a sudden I get this "Can I talk to you?" from the Galleria and so I say "Of course you can."
So we go outside and we're standing in the freezing cold and he says to me,
"I have to be straight with you. Megan is coming home from GA and I know how you feel about her but that is where my heart lies. I'm sorry. I feel awful."
"You should feel awful" is what I come back with. I was furious at this point because we are still out with his friends and I can't leave because I didn't drive. "It's fine" I say. "I don't feel anyway about Megan Jones because I haven't talked to her in 10 years and she never crosses my mind. You should choose your choice and be done with it."
Well, then he goes into this stupid tangent about how he wants to still be friends and that it's not me, I'm great, it's just that he loves her. I said "We don't need to be friends. We weren't friends before this and I don't need you to be my friend after this. I already have lots of friends." And I turned around and walked inside. We left right after that because someone got sick and on the ride home, I texted John P. Balling.
Once I got home, I was still fuming and decided to make a cranberry and vodka but it tasted more like a vodka and vodka but whatever. It was doing exactly want I wanted it to. It got to be right around 2 and I still hadn't heard from Mr. Balling so I was ready to go pass out when, magically, the phone rang. It was him and I was happy. He was over in a flash and walked through the door and all my bad feelings went away. I was eating brie with my vodka and vodka and so he had some cheese and I made him a drink and the next thing I know, I wake up in my bed with him next to me. I go to survey the damage that had occured in the other room the night before and boy were there some interesting things I found. My glasses were in a wheel of brie, there was brie smashed into the couch, there were crackers all over the floor, there were clothes everywhere... it was quite a sight.
I grabbed the advil and climbed back into bed and asked Balling how he felt and he groaned so I gave him some meds. We slept til noon. We showered and went to lunch and the rest is history.
The moral of the story here is: Moo 2007 has her good points. Sometimes yum-yucks can be the end of you but what a way to go!