Thank you for all your effort.
Thank you for doing things for me just so you could hold them over my head in the future.
Thank you for being so unbelievably selfish. (Looks like you're following through on your New Year's Resolution after all.)
Thank you for pushing away the one person who would have defended you through it all.
Thank you for making me realize that I don't ever want to act like you.
Thank you for helping me to grow up.
Thank you for trying to ruin my 27th birthday.
Thank you for the goddamn cupcakes.
Thank you for getting mad at everyone because you ordered $50 worth of sushi.
Thank you for your irrationalities and lies.
Thanks for showing me how truly spoiled rotten only children can be.
Thanks for cheating yourself right out of my life.
Thank you for the memories.
Thanks for showing me that there is WAY more in life than owning a Louis Vuitton or two.
Thank you for proving everybody right.
Thank you for all that and for exiting my life without an ounce of grace.
Monday, January 28, 2008
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
A Letter to My Niece
Dear Emma,
Even though you won't be able to read this for several years (even as advanced as we allthink know you are), I wanted to just say thank you. Thank you for showing a family that was incapable of showing feelings or emotion, that it was okay to let someone know that you love them. Thank you for bringing a family that seemed to be slowly moving in their own separate directions, closer than ever. Thank you for bringing a smile to my face every time I see you. Thank you for making every bad day just a little bit better for everyone around you, with just the sound of your laugh. Thank you for bringing the joy and innocence back to Christmas. Most of all, thank you for showing someone who never was able to figure out what 'love' meant, the true meaning of love.
Before you were born, our family never shared our feelings with each other. It was always just assumed that we loved each other but it was never expressed in words or actions. When you were born, it was the first time I saw my dad (your Grandpa) cry. He didn't even cry when any of his own children were born, but when he saw you for the first time he cried. Not a day goes by that my mom (your Grandma), doesn't say how much she loves you. Until you, I never once heard the words "I love you" come out of either of my brothers' mouths (your dad and uncle). Yet with you, they say it every time they are around you. Your reach doesn't end there either. As my generation has gotten older, no one seems to have any time to visit each other much. When we were young your cousins in NY and Maryland would come out every summer, but over the past couple years everyone has school or work. However, since you've been born, they've all come out to see you. Family ties that were slowly deteriorating have become strong again because you were born.
As for me, I knew the second your Uncle Brandon called me to tell me that you were being born that I would be wrapped around your finger. The first time I saw you, you weren't even the size of a loaf of bread, yet the feelings and emotions I felt when I saw you were more than I had ever experienced. One thing you should know about your Uncle Bryan, is that he has always been intrigued by human nature and how we think and feel. However, as much as he tried to discover what it meant to love someone unconditionally, he was never able to figure it out--to feel it himself. Growing up in a family that just assumed we loved one another but hesitated to express it, it was difficult to define what it meant to "love" someone. Within the first week you were born, I suddenly realized what it meant to love. To love someone unconditionally, is to love them almost more than yourself. To become sick to your stomach just at the very thought of something bad happening to them. To know that you would do absolutely anything to protect them from harm's way. It is putting their well-being in front of your own. This is what I have come to realize is true, unconditional love. It is the greatest feeling in the world, and it is what makes life worth living. Never settle for anything less.
A friend recently claimed that childbirth is far from a miracle, that it is a foul and disgusting event. She obviously doesn't know just how much you have done for me and this family, just by being born. You are the closest thing to a miracle this family will ever experience. Thank you, Emma. Thank you for coming into all of our lives and filling our hearts with the love and joy that was always slightly missing.
Love,
Your Uncle Bryan
Even though you won't be able to read this for several years (even as advanced as we all
Before you were born, our family never shared our feelings with each other. It was always just assumed that we loved each other but it was never expressed in words or actions. When you were born, it was the first time I saw my dad (your Grandpa) cry. He didn't even cry when any of his own children were born, but when he saw you for the first time he cried. Not a day goes by that my mom (your Grandma), doesn't say how much she loves you. Until you, I never once heard the words "I love you" come out of either of my brothers' mouths (your dad and uncle). Yet with you, they say it every time they are around you. Your reach doesn't end there either. As my generation has gotten older, no one seems to have any time to visit each other much. When we were young your cousins in NY and Maryland would come out every summer, but over the past couple years everyone has school or work. However, since you've been born, they've all come out to see you. Family ties that were slowly deteriorating have become strong again because you were born.
As for me, I knew the second your Uncle Brandon called me to tell me that you were being born that I would be wrapped around your finger. The first time I saw you, you weren't even the size of a loaf of bread, yet the feelings and emotions I felt when I saw you were more than I had ever experienced. One thing you should know about your Uncle Bryan, is that he has always been intrigued by human nature and how we think and feel. However, as much as he tried to discover what it meant to love someone unconditionally, he was never able to figure it out--to feel it himself. Growing up in a family that just assumed we loved one another but hesitated to express it, it was difficult to define what it meant to "love" someone. Within the first week you were born, I suddenly realized what it meant to love. To love someone unconditionally, is to love them almost more than yourself. To become sick to your stomach just at the very thought of something bad happening to them. To know that you would do absolutely anything to protect them from harm's way. It is putting their well-being in front of your own. This is what I have come to realize is true, unconditional love. It is the greatest feeling in the world, and it is what makes life worth living. Never settle for anything less.
A friend recently claimed that childbirth is far from a miracle, that it is a foul and disgusting event. She obviously doesn't know just how much you have done for me and this family, just by being born. You are the closest thing to a miracle this family will ever experience. Thank you, Emma. Thank you for coming into all of our lives and filling our hearts with the love and joy that was always slightly missing.
Love,
Your Uncle Bryan
Monday, January 7, 2008
The Pseudo-Science of MSN.com
Since the print media is all but dead, I, like most of my generation get my news from online sources such as MSN.com. For any of you unfamiliar with MSN, their homepage is typically littered with recent news articles ranging from world news to sports and entertainment. However, every so often they like to throw in some "groundbreaking" research study into the headlines. Typically, these "studies" are health related and tend to claim results that are basically meant to instill some type of fear in the general American public, so that we have something more to worry about other than our Caramel lattes and designer clothing.
For instance, a couple weeks ago there was an article that discussed a study that claimed findings that adolescent girls that hung out with male friends were more likely to drink alcoholic beverages. The study was done by a woman and failed to report whether or not there was also an increase in the likelihood for males to drink when in the company of females. If this truly were a scientific study they would report all of the results rather than just the results that suit their desire for a headline. I would venture to say that adolescents that hangout with members of the opposite sex are both more likely to drink more than those that only hangout with members of the same sex. Why didn't this article report that? Needless to say, at the end of the day, when I tried to find the article again, it was no where to be found on the MSN site. Hopefully, someone realized that it was a poorly written article on poorly run research. In my personal opinion I think it was an article written by some mom that wanted to find some excuse as to why her 16 year old daughter was a huge drunk slutbag.
Ok, now for today's article on how drinking games lead to high blood alcohol levels. Researchs at San Diego State University and Michigan went to college parties and gave people breathalizer tests. From their results, they found that people that played drinking games, attended theme parties, and/or attending a party with other drunk people were all positively correlated with a higher BAC. They also reported that they were surprised to find that "women drank more heavily than males at themed parties." First off, let me be the first to say, congratulations nerds you attempted to publish a story about alcohol to seem cool and fit in. Unfortunately, anyone that has ever drank and attended a party in college (on the basis of fun and not to do a pseudo-scientific study) could tell you that all of your findings are not earth shattering. People play drinking games to get drunker faster, this is not science. Really, people get drunker when people around them get drunker, holy shit!! This concept can be read about in any one of thousands of introduction to psychology text books. It's called peer pressure. You might also look under group think. As for the finding that girls drink more "heavily" than males at parties, there is no discussion about how this finding was measured. All the article says is that researchs surveyed party-goers and gave breathalyzers. If they came to this conclusion because girls "reported" their number of drinks, subtract 2-3 from the reported number and come back with your findings. If they came to this finding because girls recorded higher BACs, go back and redo your statistics to account for weight, size, and food intake. This study is called science, yet it fails to further this body of research. The researchers claim that this study is important because previous studies focused on individual consumption and recall... Great, you still didn't provide any information that over half of the American population didn't already know. Finally, they go on to say that they hope to enlarge the study to include bar settings... I'll save you the trouble, drinking games are not allowed in bars, people that go to bars in large groups will have a high BAC than the poor schmo that goes to the bar by himself, guys spend more money than girls at a bar but this does not correlate with the number of drinks each takes in because guys are stupid and we buy girls drinks. There, I just saved you thousands of dollars and hundreds of pointless hours.
In conclusion, my major problem with these studies, is their ultimate uselessness. It is pretty safe to say that thousands of dollars were spent on these studies, many hours were spent collecting and analyzing the data, and yet they provide no information that will help us in any way. What, are girls going to stop hanging out with boys so they are less likely to drink alcohol? Are people going to stop playing drinking games because they will have a high BAC? The answer to all of these questions is, NO. So why carry-out and publish studies like these that are useless. This is a general problem I have found with academic "science". Too often these studies are being carried out by graduate students and professors, who's idea of reality is sitting in their office on a friday night reading journal articles written by people exactly like them on topics exactly like they're studying. Social skills are a rare commodity in the graduate education level, which leads to a complete lack of real-world knowledge and experience. Is it any wonder that, on average, theoretical or basic research takes 7 years to be applied in a practical setting, if it's applied at all? Coming from someone who has been in the process of writing his thesis for the past 3 years, I should know just how useless this research is. Trust me, my thesis provides no useful contribution to the real-world and everyday life. Yet, when I finish it my colleagues will presumably praise it as a good piece of research. It is not. It's a piece of crap. In the end, all that comes about is research that is completely devoid of any common sense and usefullness. If you want to do something usefull, develop an alcohol that loosens everyone up and allows everyone to have a good time without time traveling, developing temporary Down's Syndrome, and generally making poor life decisions.
For instance, a couple weeks ago there was an article that discussed a study that claimed findings that adolescent girls that hung out with male friends were more likely to drink alcoholic beverages. The study was done by a woman and failed to report whether or not there was also an increase in the likelihood for males to drink when in the company of females. If this truly were a scientific study they would report all of the results rather than just the results that suit their desire for a headline. I would venture to say that adolescents that hangout with members of the opposite sex are both more likely to drink more than those that only hangout with members of the same sex. Why didn't this article report that? Needless to say, at the end of the day, when I tried to find the article again, it was no where to be found on the MSN site. Hopefully, someone realized that it was a poorly written article on poorly run research. In my personal opinion I think it was an article written by some mom that wanted to find some excuse as to why her 16 year old daughter was a huge drunk slutbag.
Ok, now for today's article on how drinking games lead to high blood alcohol levels. Researchs at San Diego State University and Michigan went to college parties and gave people breathalizer tests. From their results, they found that people that played drinking games, attended theme parties, and/or attending a party with other drunk people were all positively correlated with a higher BAC. They also reported that they were surprised to find that "women drank more heavily than males at themed parties." First off, let me be the first to say, congratulations nerds you attempted to publish a story about alcohol to seem cool and fit in. Unfortunately, anyone that has ever drank and attended a party in college (on the basis of fun and not to do a pseudo-scientific study) could tell you that all of your findings are not earth shattering. People play drinking games to get drunker faster, this is not science. Really, people get drunker when people around them get drunker, holy shit!! This concept can be read about in any one of thousands of introduction to psychology text books. It's called peer pressure. You might also look under group think. As for the finding that girls drink more "heavily" than males at parties, there is no discussion about how this finding was measured. All the article says is that researchs surveyed party-goers and gave breathalyzers. If they came to this conclusion because girls "reported" their number of drinks, subtract 2-3 from the reported number and come back with your findings. If they came to this finding because girls recorded higher BACs, go back and redo your statistics to account for weight, size, and food intake. This study is called science, yet it fails to further this body of research. The researchers claim that this study is important because previous studies focused on individual consumption and recall... Great, you still didn't provide any information that over half of the American population didn't already know. Finally, they go on to say that they hope to enlarge the study to include bar settings... I'll save you the trouble, drinking games are not allowed in bars, people that go to bars in large groups will have a high BAC than the poor schmo that goes to the bar by himself, guys spend more money than girls at a bar but this does not correlate with the number of drinks each takes in because guys are stupid and we buy girls drinks. There, I just saved you thousands of dollars and hundreds of pointless hours.
In conclusion, my major problem with these studies, is their ultimate uselessness. It is pretty safe to say that thousands of dollars were spent on these studies, many hours were spent collecting and analyzing the data, and yet they provide no information that will help us in any way. What, are girls going to stop hanging out with boys so they are less likely to drink alcohol? Are people going to stop playing drinking games because they will have a high BAC? The answer to all of these questions is, NO. So why carry-out and publish studies like these that are useless. This is a general problem I have found with academic "science". Too often these studies are being carried out by graduate students and professors, who's idea of reality is sitting in their office on a friday night reading journal articles written by people exactly like them on topics exactly like they're studying. Social skills are a rare commodity in the graduate education level, which leads to a complete lack of real-world knowledge and experience. Is it any wonder that, on average, theoretical or basic research takes 7 years to be applied in a practical setting, if it's applied at all? Coming from someone who has been in the process of writing his thesis for the past 3 years, I should know just how useless this research is. Trust me, my thesis provides no useful contribution to the real-world and everyday life. Yet, when I finish it my colleagues will presumably praise it as a good piece of research. It is not. It's a piece of crap. In the end, all that comes about is research that is completely devoid of any common sense and usefullness. If you want to do something usefull, develop an alcohol that loosens everyone up and allows everyone to have a good time without time traveling, developing temporary Down's Syndrome, and generally making poor life decisions.
2008 is gonna be great!
Ok, so now we are settling into a new year and I'm feeling extremely optimistic. My 2007 ended with a bang and 2008 came in a completely unexpected way. (God bless the city of Chicago!)
I feel like some changes are going to be made in my life... I think I was obsessed with living up to this reputation I have (or think I have) of being a crazy person. Well, after watching Britney Spears unravel (and No, I don't think that she and I are ANYTHING alike but still...) I decided that I was choosing choices that weren't necessarily making me happy or content or that were really positive in any possible way. It was reflected in my attitude and my going out habits and some others things that I chose to take part of. Enough is enough. Crap, I mean, I'm in my late 20's! I'll be 30 in 3 short years and it's time to act like it. Now, with that being said, I'm not going to become this schoolmarm and never go out or never drink or anything like that but (and I'm proud to report) I have been implementing the "Going Out Rules" and they're working! I was out for 3 nights in Chicago (well, technically 2 but who's counting?) and I was well behaved and had a BLAST! So, obviously it can be done and I do have at least a little self-control/ will power.
I'm also cutting my losses with certain people, actually just one person, which sorta stinks because I think the world of him but, alas, mama didn't raise no chump so I'm just getting go. I'm learning that people are they way they are, esp. at this stage of the game and no matter how much you care for someone and on whatever level it is that you do care for them, they are who they are and nothing you can say or do will change that. But thanks for the "o" faces and the "lessons". It was a wild ride. I wish you great things.
Now, as for me, someone new has waltzed into my little life and made me very happy. I realize that I've only known him for a week and things are moving at a fevered pace, but I'm satisfied and I feel like I'm in a good place. Very healthy, if you will. He's coming to visit and I'm nervous, excited and slightly hesitant but you gotta try, right?
I feel like some changes are going to be made in my life... I think I was obsessed with living up to this reputation I have (or think I have) of being a crazy person. Well, after watching Britney Spears unravel (and No, I don't think that she and I are ANYTHING alike but still...) I decided that I was choosing choices that weren't necessarily making me happy or content or that were really positive in any possible way. It was reflected in my attitude and my going out habits and some others things that I chose to take part of. Enough is enough. Crap, I mean, I'm in my late 20's! I'll be 30 in 3 short years and it's time to act like it. Now, with that being said, I'm not going to become this schoolmarm and never go out or never drink or anything like that but (and I'm proud to report) I have been implementing the "Going Out Rules" and they're working! I was out for 3 nights in Chicago (well, technically 2 but who's counting?) and I was well behaved and had a BLAST! So, obviously it can be done and I do have at least a little self-control/ will power.
I'm also cutting my losses with certain people, actually just one person, which sorta stinks because I think the world of him but, alas, mama didn't raise no chump so I'm just getting go. I'm learning that people are they way they are, esp. at this stage of the game and no matter how much you care for someone and on whatever level it is that you do care for them, they are who they are and nothing you can say or do will change that. But thanks for the "o" faces and the "lessons". It was a wild ride. I wish you great things.
Now, as for me, someone new has waltzed into my little life and made me very happy. I realize that I've only known him for a week and things are moving at a fevered pace, but I'm satisfied and I feel like I'm in a good place. Very healthy, if you will. He's coming to visit and I'm nervous, excited and slightly hesitant but you gotta try, right?
Thursday, January 3, 2008
So let's recap...
NYE 2008 was my best New Year Eve's EVER!!!
Let me just give you a clue as to what I mean...
"Dude, go tire her out with your spastic movements."
"I mean, how can you trust your roommate if you don't know what his penis tastes like?"
"There's a drinking consultant AND a life coach!"
"AY oh, I'm tired of usin' technology."
"Wait, did you shower with Stulburg last year?"
"Blue!" "Dude, my name is Moo."
"The Lone Wolf speaks."
"Robbing boners."
"Let's get weird."
"I'll have a... you guys have small penises... #2."
"Why did you order AIDS?" "Because I am a huge asshole."
"Moo's a pretty good self promoter."
"Tell him Jake.............Mazursky is looking fer 'em."
"Happy New Year, Mother Fuckface."
Let me just give you a clue as to what I mean...
"Dude, go tire her out with your spastic movements."
"I mean, how can you trust your roommate if you don't know what his penis tastes like?"
"There's a drinking consultant AND a life coach!"
"AY oh, I'm tired of usin' technology."
"Wait, did you shower with Stulburg last year?"
"Blue!" "Dude, my name is Moo."
"The Lone Wolf speaks."
"Robbing boners."
"Let's get weird."
"I'll have a... you guys have small penises... #2."
"Why did you order AIDS?" "Because I am a huge asshole."
"Moo's a pretty good self promoter."
"Tell him Jake.............Mazursky is looking fer 'em."
"Happy New Year, Mother Fuckface."
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