Gallapalooza, part deux

The morning of August 11th (aka D-Day) I went to breakfast with Molly and Brent and Brent's Mom and her boyfriend. We went to Bob Evans. For two reasons really... 1) they serve a mean biscuit and gravy combo which I heart immensely and 2) there's no where else to eat. The breakfast conversation consists of many topics including but not limited to bacon dangles, the pumpkin festival, huge burritos surrounded by chili, and various others. Needless to say, I was the morning entertainment. (I was probably still a little, or a lot, drunk seeing as how I went to bed 4 hours earlier. I use to pull this stunt in my Spanish 465 class on Friday mornings. I was the star student those mornings.)
We came back to the Uptings house and vegged the heck out for a while. Sandy, who was hung-over Harriet, decided to volunteer Molly and I and herself to help decorate the tent at the French Art Colony where the wedding was to take place. Ugh. So the three of us stinky ladies braved the hot heat and hangovers to go and answer the call of duty. It sucked. We had to precisely measure out water to pour into globes on the tables. We peaced out and went back to the house where I ran into the Groom's older brother (Ken) and his wife (Kimber), both whom I adore. Kimber is pregnant with Ken's baby which while it is a great thing, was slightly sad for Molly and I because the three of us love to drink together but you know, gotta respect the kid. Ken told me that he and Gabe went to lunch and Ken expressed his feeling about the wedding. Again. It went something like this, "I'm only gonna say this one more time. I don't think you should marry her. She's not the right girl for you." Gabe "Well, what do you want me to do?! Everybody is already here and everything's already paid for!" That struck me as maybe not quite the response that he should have given... maybe something more along the lines of "I love her, Ken. She makes me want to be a better person. She makes me want to stop searching because I know that I've found the what that I was looking for." (Now, ok, I realize that men only say these things in say, Lifetime movies or hallmark cards. I'm writing this entry and that's what I'd want someone to say about me. Get over it.)
Fast forward to a few hours later. We ride over to the French Art Colony which is the setting for the wedding. It looks lovely. Honestly, it does. And then we turn the corner to where the ceremony is to take place... BAM! Right in the hot August sun, facing the sun I might add, are the chairs that we are to sit in during the vows, etc. Ugh. This does not a happy Moo make. I'm just glad I had on a strapless dress and I felt so bad for the guys in jackets and full blown tuxes. (One advantage of being a female, I suppose.) So, the wedding party comes out and everyone looks so classy and ballerific... esp. Molly, the grooms woman. They say "I do" and everyone is, uh, happy. Or at least everyone decided to forever keep the peace. We all decide that now is the appropriate time to start drinking. Now. Right now and not a moment later. Now, things start to get interesting... I call the wrong Mike on my cell phone. Whoops. My mom and Charlie (that's her call sign... she's a new member of the Upting clan but all the older people in Galapalooza have known each other since God was a boy) start to get tipsy. My father and I are talking to some of his old cronies which is great fun for me because they tell me the stories about my dad that he won't tell me. (Like, for example, how he was in the car with someone going around 2nd ave. when the driver passed out mid-turn because he was so wasted. Classic.)
And then dinner, blah blah blah... some of us are too drunk to eat so we just keep drinking waiting for the cake to be cut. By the time it's time to dance, whoa, we are all pretty tanked but none the less ready to break. it. down. My dad and I hit it and bust a few moves together but I have to keep adjusting the top of my dress and it's really starting to piss me off and worry my dad so he gives me his suit jacket and I put it on backwards, like a straight jacket. How appropriate, I know. Then a GREAT idea hits me like a bolt of lighting... Molly and I should do one of our patented dance routines for our ex-manager, Gabe. We decide the song should definitely be "Electric Youth" and request that the D.J. play it before the night is over. We wait. And eat cake. And make fun of the Abominable Snowwoman. And wait. And wait. All the time still consuming mass quantities of alcohol. Enough to kill a good size herd of cattle or supply a small country with for years. And years. Now, yes, I'm mad. The party is ending, Molly and I are ready and starting to freak out because we think Gabe is going to leave before he can see our performance. The d.j. announces that this is the last song of night and with that said, I march right up to the d.j. "booth" and proceed thank him for playing the one song that I wanted to hear and then, oh, what's that? You didn't play it? Well, I think it is my duty to notify him of the fact that he "fucking sucks." Game over. Moo 20 points, D.J. negative 7.
Everyone starts to leave and Molly and I can't find her boyfriend, or my parents but we do manage to find her parents. Who drove a pick-up. With crap in the back of it. Jackpot. We want to ride, with our beers, in the truck bed. Because it would be totally sweet, duh. Her dad is like, "yeah, ok girls! Climb in!" But Safety Sandy put the kibosh on that idea so the four of us ride back to the thrill upon the hill in the cab of the pick-up. (Coincidentally, this same pick-up I use to drive when I had just gotten my license. Molly and I used it to go rent "Boogie Nights". Another story for another time.) We get to the house and head directly to the pole barn. Didn't collect 200 dollars. We continued to drink (and now smoke sparkling wiggle cigarettes) and random Aunts and Uncles of Molly's start to show up. We all bitch about Gabe marrying the enemy and finally retire around 4 or something.

The End. Happily ever after. Or not. I heart Galapalooza.

Summer Movies

I understand that most of you are not as dorky as I am and probably have not been following the whole Blu-Ray vs. HD-DVD war that is going on, especially the events that have been going on this week involving Paramount Studios and Michael Bay. I'm not going to dive into that whole mess but all these things happened this week and it made me realize that this Summer has been filled with shit movies with good titles. What makes me mad is the hype around these movies due to their titles but in reality they are horrible movies.

First things first, Transformers. This is the real reason for this post. Quick aside: Paramount Studios who announced they would only support HD-DVD is the studio behind Transformers, Michael Bay directed it, he posted a comment about how the decision by Paramount pissed him off and he was not going to direct the second Transformers movie. Good because Michael Bay ruined this movie. As with Pearl Harbor, he took an amazing story/franchise and ruined it with a sappy love story and corporate bullshit. Transformers was a cartoon for kids, no love story necessary, especially between two 16 year olds. Although he didn't go too deep into it, it brought absolutely nothing to the plot line. Second, Megatron was a Walther PP7, not some weird alien plane that you couldn't even see because he went so fast. The toy Megatron was so realistic looking that kids got shot when they would go outside with him. Finally, Bay claimed that he was going to remain faithful to the cartoon but then turned all the vehicles into GMC cars. Bumblebee was a VW Bug, plain and simple. It was the key to his personality. Bay chose to make him a Chevy Camaro and all of the sudden I'm picturing Bumblebee as a overweight, middle-aged, bald, white man, in his stained wife-beater, drinking a Bud-heavy. Jazz was a Porsche 911RS, one of the sickest cars on the market at the time of the cartoon... and still one of the sickest today. Instead, Bay chooses to make him a lower-middle class, white teenage boy's wetdream by making him a "tricked out" Pontiac Solstice. Come on, a Porsche 911 or a Pontiac Solstice? One exudes class, speed, and a racing heritage and the other excudes thoughts of the 80's Pontiac Trans Am, the quintisential car of 80's white trash. I will hand it to Mr. Bay, he did make one hell of an action movie but by no means was it deserving of the Transformers namesake. I don't understand why so many people are gung-ho about the movie. Yes, it was a decent action film sans the love story but any true fan of Transformers should feel cheated by it. Me, I will stick to the 1986 animated movie with the 80's glam-rock soundtrack that included Weird Al Yankovic, Stan Bush, and many others.

Ok, secondly, Spiderman 3. What is with all the hoopla for this movie? Not only did they include way too many bad guys and not give enough time to each one of them (think Batman Forever), but they also made Venom (one of the best comic villians ever) into the Darth Maul of the year (make him bad ass only to show him for a little time and then kill him). Now, I understand that they tried to make it a family movie experience but honestly, the cheesiness level was taken to a level comparable to some of the soft-core porns I've seen on Skinamax. The part where Peter's personality is changing due to the symbiote... completely unnecessary. Also, at the end were Jameson takes the little girl's camera, why interupt the best action scene of the movie for a useless piece of unfunny comedic relief? And again, everyone is so excited for this movie to come to DVD, why? I saw it in theaters and wanted my money back.

The three best films of the summer, in my opinion, Harry Potter, Bourne Ultimatum, and Superbad. The Potter films just keep getting better moviewise. Sure they may not include every detail of the books but they do remain faithful to the overall storyline and purpose of the books. I also think the movies, with the advancements in special effects, are getting better with each one. It was a good adventure movie with a good plot. Bourne Ultimatum was just a two hour adrenaline rush. It was non-stop action and it made James Bond look like a huge puss-bag. Finally, Superbad, stupid, predictable but absolutely hilarious. I was a fan of Arrested Development and Grandma's Boy and to see those two in a movie together was entertaining. The humor is simple but well written and a change of pace from what has been coming out of late.

So there you have it. My take on the summer movies thus far. There were a couple other I saw (like Shrek 3) but none stood out enough to write about.

Bad Newz Kennels

Why is it that the Federal government is investigating all these people for this alleged dog fighting ring, but they are offering plea agreements to everyone so they can build their case against Michael Vick? There are multiple people involved with the whole thing yet they are trying to build their case against one man, who "coincidentally" happens to be the richest and most famous black man out of the group? I think that he is definitely guilty of dog fighting and should get in trouble for it, but I don't agree with how the Federal government has singled him out and are only going after him. Furthermore, all these plea agreements they're handing out to build a case against him... if you faced a long term jail sentence and a huge fine wouldn’t you blame it on someone else if you were offered immunity, especially because if you don't, you know they have enough evidence to convict you? Do I think Vick was involved, absolutely. Do I think he was the only person in charge of everything, absolutely not. If you’re going to convict people for the crime then convict all of them because I seriously doubt it Vick was the one person pulling all the strings. It was probably the group of them sitting around one day and coming up with the idea. Vick just happened to have the money to pay for things. So by going after Vick and only Vick, all the others who were there for the conception of the idea get off because they didn’t have the money to fund the operation. Had they had the money, I’m sure they would have bank-rolled the fights too. All I’m saying is that its unfair to only go after one person because he’s famous, when it was the whole group of them that are guilty.

Follow-Up to The Race Card

This was my post on the comment board:

This goes out to everyone calling Mr.Whitlock an "Uncle Tom". Apparently,
we should ridicule and chastise anyone that doesn't think, dress, act, or behave
like ourselves. Some of you have even gone as far as to suggest that the likes
of Whitlock, Clarence Thomas, Oprah, etc. should be "done away with" and exiled
from the African American community. I'm pretty sure if everyone had this
mindset, a majority of you making these comments wouldn't be allowed to. For
those of you too simple minded to understand my subtlety, slavery would still be
around today if humans weren't able to accept people for their differences.
Disagree with what Whitlock has to say, argue against him in a clear and
educated way, but to sit there and call him an "Uncle Tom" because he doesn't
agree with what you think is ignorant and demonstrates the reason why prejudice
is still alive today.

The Race Card

This article was on Fox Sports: http://msn.foxsports.com/cbk/story/7127682?forum_key=StoryComments&topic_key=7127682&page_no=25

It talks about how the race card is getting used way too often and abused. I completely agree. In the comments section for the article, there is a bunch of praise for what he says and then there are a couple comments scattered in that call the author (a black man) an uncle tom for voicing his opinion. Coincidentally, every single comment that calls him an Uncle Tom has at least 1 to 2 grammar, spelling, or typing errors. This comment was one in response to the Uncle Tom comments, and I don't think I could have said it any better.

There have been a few people on here calling Mr. Whitlock an "Uncle Tom".
This phrase needs to go. It's not only hackneyed but it stereotypes blacks
as having to be one kind of way. Furthermore, criticizing the actions of
people who are your same race does not make you a sellout. NOT criticizing
the damaging actions of people who are your same race simply BECAUSE they're
your same race - now that's being a sellout. If we feel something isn't right,
we should be allowed to voice that opinion without the probability of
discriminatory
retribution.

Brilliantly said. As a minority who has grown up in predominantly white surroundings, it annoys me to no end how blacks try to use the race card as an excuse for everything. It seems like it is easier to just blame everybody for your shortcomings rather than take responsibility for them yourself. When an Asian fails a test, do they blame the test for being "culturally biased"? No, they say to themselves, "I didn't study hard enough," and they go and fix it.

I think a lot of AAs need to read or watch The Boondocks and pay closer attention to the social message. In the episode with Martin Luther King Jr., I love the comment MLK makes about how he, and the others that fought for civil rights, did not go through all of the beatings, arrests, and abuse for blacks to sit around and be handed things. Laziness is not a characteristic of culture but unfortunately it seems like it is quickly becoming one. I have the utmost respect for the African Americans that appreciate the freedoms and opportunities they have, whether or not they are completely equal to that of whites, and take advantage of them-get an education, work hard, get a good job, etc. It pisses me off when blacks use what happened to their ancestors hundreds of years ago as an excuse to be lazy. Yes, racism is still alive. Yes, not all things are equal yet. Yes, the white man is afforded much more than minorities are. But things are a lot better now then they were. It is an incredible injustice to those that actually did fight for civil rights for you to sit around, be lazy, and not take advantage of all the freedoms and opportunities they won for you and your race. So quit your poorly written, poorly worded bitching, get off your lazy, welfare collecting ass and do something-get a job, get politically involved to make things more equal, just do SOMETHING!!

Gallapalooza

So, I was born in a little town (actually it's current status is "Village") in Southeastern Ohio called Gallipolis. I still have family and friends that live there and I LOVE going back to visit. However, as of late, every time I cross over the Gallia County lines, trouble ensues.


My last trip down there was for a wedding. The middle son of my parents best friends was getting married and although no one in my family was actually in the wedding, we were all invited to the rehearsal dinner. Now, I have known this family all my life... my mom and Sandy were preggers at the same time with Gabe and myself so I've known him since way back in the fetus days. His parents are like my second parents and visa versa. I mean, the trip before this one, Gabe and I were up drinking til like 11 am and we, and by we I mean me, drove drunk to get some doughnuts for everyone to enjoy when they woke up but unfortunately I was speaking in tongues and doing "Sally O'Malley" impressions. I sounded like I was on crystal meth and told everyone that "Gallipolis is like Las Vegas but with less naked people." Go figure. It's a good thing I don't embarrass easily.


Ok, back to the topic at hand. The, uh, lady that Gabe is/was planning on marrying is, uh, speeecial. Let's call her Stephanie... yes, the names of everyone have been changed, not to protect them, but to protect me. Well, she is your typical Gallia county native. Her dad is a farmer and her mom is a nurse. She literally is about the same size as the 50 foot woman and although she isn't completely unfortunate looking, she ain't that cute either. Also, some of us doubt her intelligence. Gabe, on the other hand, has his masters degree, is very clever and quick witted. They're really not well suited to spend eternity together but I didn't learn this until, that's right, the night BEFORE the wedding!


Ok, so the rehearsal dinner... the Uptings and the Millers come from a long line of partiers so I was completely pumped for this event PLUS Gabe's little sister, whom I adore, was going to be there. We arrive in GP at approximately 8:00 pm and by 8:27 my mom is well on her way to drunk Cindy mode which can 1) be hilarious or 2) suck ass. Luckily for my dad and I it was hilarious. She was dancing with everyone, including those that didn't want to dance and almost fell in the pool a few times. Then she got my dad to dance. Gotta love it when the old people cut a rug! Most of the elders cut out around midnight or so but the kids, we were in it to win it that night. Molly, Gabe's sister, Brent (her boyfriend) and myself headed over to Molly's parent's house, aka the thrill up on the hill and once we got there, went directly to the Pole Barn. The Pole Bar is legendary. It's literally a barn, complete with 4 wheelers, photos of Ronald Reagan and a fridge that is ALWAYS stocked with Bud Heavy and moonshine, among other things. Molly's dad, Rhett was already starting the festivities with Gabe and Stephanie's dad, Stan, and her sister. (This sister is a whole blog in herself. We called her Skeletor all weekend and she decided to accessorize her bridesmaid gown with some huge ass purple hickies on her neck. Yum.) Gabe dared me to try and fit inside a doghouse and of course, I was, "Yeah. I'll do it". Turns out, I didn't fit. Stan offered me a good suggestion though, and by good, I mean gross, creepy, etc. He said, "I know what you should do... take off all your clothes and rub KY jelly all over yourself." Um, no. First of all, no and second of all, I became acutely aware of the fact that these people were going to be Sandy and Rhett's in laws, effective immediately. Concern doesn't even begin to cover it.

After that incident, Molly, Brent and I went inside and made our traditional disgusting drunk meal of spaghetti and Velveeta. It's so much better than it sounds, I swear. After we were full of noodles and cheese, the other two passed out but I decided that I wasn't done so I headed back to the Pole Barn where I found Gabe and we stayed up til 4 am talking about marriage, stocks, New York, you know, the usual. I made the executive decision that we needed to go to bed because, after all, he was getting married the next day.

Stay tuned for more about the wedding day... it's all down hill from here.

Goths: The Hippies of the 21 Century

I had this idea a couple of month ago but thought I'd add it to the blog. Goths, you know, the disenchanted kids that think its cool to only wear dirty black clothes, black makeup, do drugs, and be depressed all the time are the 21st century's equivalent to the hippies of the 60s and early 70s.

Hippies fought against establishment; they went against popular beliefs, dress, values, behavior, etc.; they did lots of drugs; they tried to protest or fight against different issues but were usually too lazy to get anything accomplished; they had a heavy influence on the music of the times (ultimately resulting in the creation of a new genre); they were a drain on society; most out grew the lifestyle when they reached their 30s although there are those few exception.

Goths, who are sometimes grouped in with the more extreme group of vampires share many of these characteristics. They are typically the disenchanted youth shun by the 'popular' kids. They often join other goths to gain a sense of belonging. They choose to dress in all black clothes, wear black makeup and nail polish, and chains to show that they aren't going to cave-in to popular trends. They smoke weed, do acid, crystal meth, and whatever cheap drugs are available (note they often do not do coke or the more expensive drugs because they typically come from broken homes and don't have the financial means to support such a habit). Their behavior is often characterized by behavioral outbursts, tardiness, laziness, disregard for rules, etc. Finally, the amount of Death Metal has increased because of this group. How many Goths/Vampires do you see running around over the age of 30 (not including Marilyn Manson and the dude from Mindfreak)?

You could argue that Goths are a far more violent group compared to the hippies who were all about peace. But I do not think this difference shows how these two groups differed, rather it reflects how American society has changed, allowing Goths different means to carry out their same stupid goals (get back at society or the 'popular' kids that made them outcasts in society).

So my point is, Goths, mommy and daddy still love you. They are just really disappointed that their son or daughter grew up to be such a socially-inept loser. Society did not make you an outcast, you chose to make yourself an outcast by choosing to wear black clothes, black makeup, and walk around like the world was out to get you. So put down the makeup, turn off the scary music, take a shower, quit doing white trash drugs, get a job, look at people in the eyes when you talk to them, and reconcile with your mommy and daddy because lets face it if you don't outgrow this ridiculous phase, you're just going to end up swallowing a bullet anyway!!

Erin Daye

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The Beginning of the End...

Since 23% of all American internet users either read a blog or write one of their own, I have decided to join the blogger-movement. In this blog you will find my opinions and diatribes on everything from daily news to celebrity gossip to the dumb things that happen to me on a daily basis. So sit back and enjoy this brief glimpse into my twisted mind...