Summer Movies

I understand that most of you are not as dorky as I am and probably have not been following the whole Blu-Ray vs. HD-DVD war that is going on, especially the events that have been going on this week involving Paramount Studios and Michael Bay. I'm not going to dive into that whole mess but all these things happened this week and it made me realize that this Summer has been filled with shit movies with good titles. What makes me mad is the hype around these movies due to their titles but in reality they are horrible movies.

First things first, Transformers. This is the real reason for this post. Quick aside: Paramount Studios who announced they would only support HD-DVD is the studio behind Transformers, Michael Bay directed it, he posted a comment about how the decision by Paramount pissed him off and he was not going to direct the second Transformers movie. Good because Michael Bay ruined this movie. As with Pearl Harbor, he took an amazing story/franchise and ruined it with a sappy love story and corporate bullshit. Transformers was a cartoon for kids, no love story necessary, especially between two 16 year olds. Although he didn't go too deep into it, it brought absolutely nothing to the plot line. Second, Megatron was a Walther PP7, not some weird alien plane that you couldn't even see because he went so fast. The toy Megatron was so realistic looking that kids got shot when they would go outside with him. Finally, Bay claimed that he was going to remain faithful to the cartoon but then turned all the vehicles into GMC cars. Bumblebee was a VW Bug, plain and simple. It was the key to his personality. Bay chose to make him a Chevy Camaro and all of the sudden I'm picturing Bumblebee as a overweight, middle-aged, bald, white man, in his stained wife-beater, drinking a Bud-heavy. Jazz was a Porsche 911RS, one of the sickest cars on the market at the time of the cartoon... and still one of the sickest today. Instead, Bay chooses to make him a lower-middle class, white teenage boy's wetdream by making him a "tricked out" Pontiac Solstice. Come on, a Porsche 911 or a Pontiac Solstice? One exudes class, speed, and a racing heritage and the other excudes thoughts of the 80's Pontiac Trans Am, the quintisential car of 80's white trash. I will hand it to Mr. Bay, he did make one hell of an action movie but by no means was it deserving of the Transformers namesake. I don't understand why so many people are gung-ho about the movie. Yes, it was a decent action film sans the love story but any true fan of Transformers should feel cheated by it. Me, I will stick to the 1986 animated movie with the 80's glam-rock soundtrack that included Weird Al Yankovic, Stan Bush, and many others.

Ok, secondly, Spiderman 3. What is with all the hoopla for this movie? Not only did they include way too many bad guys and not give enough time to each one of them (think Batman Forever), but they also made Venom (one of the best comic villians ever) into the Darth Maul of the year (make him bad ass only to show him for a little time and then kill him). Now, I understand that they tried to make it a family movie experience but honestly, the cheesiness level was taken to a level comparable to some of the soft-core porns I've seen on Skinamax. The part where Peter's personality is changing due to the symbiote... completely unnecessary. Also, at the end were Jameson takes the little girl's camera, why interupt the best action scene of the movie for a useless piece of unfunny comedic relief? And again, everyone is so excited for this movie to come to DVD, why? I saw it in theaters and wanted my money back.

The three best films of the summer, in my opinion, Harry Potter, Bourne Ultimatum, and Superbad. The Potter films just keep getting better moviewise. Sure they may not include every detail of the books but they do remain faithful to the overall storyline and purpose of the books. I also think the movies, with the advancements in special effects, are getting better with each one. It was a good adventure movie with a good plot. Bourne Ultimatum was just a two hour adrenaline rush. It was non-stop action and it made James Bond look like a huge puss-bag. Finally, Superbad, stupid, predictable but absolutely hilarious. I was a fan of Arrested Development and Grandma's Boy and to see those two in a movie together was entertaining. The humor is simple but well written and a change of pace from what has been coming out of late.

So there you have it. My take on the summer movies thus far. There were a couple other I saw (like Shrek 3) but none stood out enough to write about.