Where o where to place the blame?

I feel like a horrible person. Like all these crazy things keep happening in my life and that all these silly rumors keep surfacing. I have been feeling that way the past few weeks (minus my 5 glorious days of vacation, thanks to you Miss HEP!) and it's the pits. I had a breakdown of sorts last night because it feels like all these things that have been happening or that I've been ignoring are coming to a head and I'm losing all this ground and my cred. It's funny too, how it's all connected, how a falling out or a misinterpretation or a lie from one person can make it's way to another person who the first person doesn't even talk to but yet they believe it. Why is that? Why is it so much easier to believe the bad stuff? Why is it that you choose to believe the bad stuff first? Is it because that's what you hear first? Is it because you secretly don't trust the people you call (or called) friends? How did all this get so off track?

I feel like I need to reevaluate things in my life. I think I need to get over myself, in the since that I should get shut up, move on, and let it go. I need to stop being so selfish maybe and get back to that place where I was happy. I know it sounds so needy and so cliche and so whiny but I think it's true. I can't control anything else except the way that I react to the things that are thrown at me and truth be told, I haven't been doing the best job of that I could be. Or that I should be. Taking the high road is SO much harder. Believe me, I'd like nothing more than to just throw a few low blows but what good would it do? I know me and I know that if I did in fact do that, I would feel on top for about 27 minutes and then I would feel awful about it. That's not me, that's not how I want to be. And to be honest, I'm just so tired. I'm tired of the gaping mouths that cannot hold their tongues. I'm tired of the adolescent attitudes and the foresaking of friendships because of false statements. In short, I'm tired of the drama. I feel like it's time for me to fall off the radar. Just you know, disappear for awhile. Let things work themselves out and just sorta fade into the background for awhile. I have a million other things in my life to focus on, especially if I want to go back to school and I know that this too shall pass. And since I'm not dead yet, I guess it'll make me a tad stronger too.