The Ruination of Facebook

Once upon a time, in the not to distant past, there was a place found on the internet where college students could share pictures, information, and keep in touch with classmates and high school friends at different universities. It was a tool, that used properly, was even useful in expanding learning outside of the classroom. It was free from banner ads and embedded ads, and it was simple and easy to use. It started out at just a few universities but slowly spread to college campuses across the country. Pretty soon you couldn't find a college student who didn't know what Facebook was.

Today, the game has changed. No longer exclusive to college students, Facebook has become an open cesspool for anyone with a computer. Where once was a place to communicate with friends, is now a "junk drawer" for 'applications', banner ads, spam, and middle schoolers trying to post pictures of themselves in their most inappropriate poses. What was once a convenient and easy way to see what your friends were up to or what kinds of things were going on around campus; is now an, almost impossible to navigate, mess of applications that people have made to try and make money or, at the very least, waste hours of your time.

When we look back at the progression of Facebook, it is pretty easy to see where the transformation from positive social technology to viral mass marketing tool and pedophile playground occurred.

The first big change was the introduction of the 'News Feed'. All of a sudden your friends, and those you added to be nice, could see every time you made an update to your profile or someone wrote on your wall. So bad was the initial launch of this new feature, that Facebook had to temporarily suspend it until they could make the appropriate fixes to their security policy. Enter Phase 2 of the transformation. With the addition of the 'News Feed', Facebook had to instill security measures where people could pick or choose what updates got televised on the News Feed. Most people, concerned with the absolute creepiness-factor of it all and the sheer threat of a cyber-stalker, realized that it was safest to just prevent everything from being shown on the News Feed.

Next, and probably the biggest factor in the ruination, was the opening of Facebook to the general public. In just 1 day, Facebook went from an online community of college students in the same general position to a community of Tom, Dick, and Harrys which included everything from middle schoolers to pedophiles to teachers and parents. The first two, I might note, don't necessarily go well together. A sanctuary for a group of people with generally similar views, experiences, etc. had become open to the evils of the ignorant public. It wasn't long before little siblings became curious of Facebook, followed by parents, and soon companies and businesses were looking into Facebook for information about potential employees and as a tool for advertising. Pandora's box had been opened.

Finally, was the introduction of 3rd party applications. Although, one of the bullet points of Web 2.0 and social networking, Applications were the final piece of the puzzle to ruining Facebook. Anyone with some programming knowledge was able to create an application that could be added to someone's Facebook page. Applications ranged from enhanced versions of Facebook features that already existed to full-fledged games, and the one thing that all of the applications had in common was the ability to send any updates to the News Feed. Now, not only can your friends see when you make profile updates but they can also see when your ninja kills a pirate or what celebrity you resemble. Facebook pages and News Feeds, alike, have become polluted with useless applications, unimportant information, and stupid ads. Some of the applications even make you send your friends invites to install the app on their page just for you to get to the end point of the app. Most of these applications aren't designed so they are easy to use, but rather for the user to unassumingly click on an indescrete link that takes them to some other site trying to sell them something. And so, once again, the security issues comes into play; and people realize that instead of having to sift through pages of pointless News Feeds, it is easier to just block all updates from coming to the News Feed.

Thus, we are left with an online community of pages that people don't update often or look at because they are afraid of being bombarded with News Feeds, ads, and spam. A place where people have become so cautious about what is televised to everyone, that they choose to not share any information at all. Where it was once commonplace to see people using Facebook walls almost like instant messaging, we are left with the equivalent of grafitti on an overpass where walls are written on sporatically. No longer can you simply sign on and see what your friends are up to or how they are doing. Instead you either have to search for their profile in your friends list and see if they have made any updates or changes, or you have to be satisfied with reading about how they got a personal high score in Word Twist.

Due to the greed and ignorance of America, a site that was a great tool for social communication amongst, atleast somewhat, semi-intellectual college students, and had loads of potential has become a site of pointless procrastination for the masses.

Check your balls

Hilarious!!

Teeny Little Super Guy

They should probably just merge the NBA and the WNBA

After last night's game between the Lakers and Celtics, Paul Pierce proved why the NBA should merge with the WNBA. And, I know most of you out there are asking yourselves why anyone would suggest such a prepostorous thing. Well, I'll tell you why... both leagues are filled with p*ssies.



Paul Pierce went out of last night's game with a "knee injury". It was "so bad" that he had to be wheeled into the locker room in a wheel chair, but "miraculously" he was able to come back into the game and win it with two 3-pointers. Turns out he might have a "slight sprain". A slight sprain, required him to be wheeled into the locker room? Are you kidding me? This is a prime example of how the NBA has become a league of overpaid pre-madonnas that is quickly becoming on par with MLB. Today, players in both sports are paid millions of dollars, which works out to thousands of dollars per game, and yet they will sit out with broken fingernails, mild sprains, sore muscles, etc. What happened to the days when players played through almost anything because they had the desire to be in the game? Because it was more painful to sit on the bench injured, than to play through whatever injury they may have had?



If you had watched any of the Stanley Cup Finals, that ended this week, you will have more of an idea about where I'm coming from. In the finals players were playing with dislocated shoulders, broken noses, broken feet, and who knows what other minor injuries that didn't even get broadcasted. Ryan Malone got his nose broken in Game 1, took a 90mph puck in his face which rebroke his nose, and was out playing the next period. Two years ago, Sidney Crosby played with a broken foot. Hockey with a broken foot would be like playing baseball or basketball with a broken hand. With that said, I think it's pretty obvious that hockey players are some of the most resiliant athletes in the world, yet somehow they are the least paid. I guess my main complaint is that the NBA and MLB have taken away the 'love of the game' that players used to play their respective sports for and replaced it with multi-million dollar contracts and greed. Players no longer play just to play or play because they love playing the game. They play to earn money, to become famous, to buy expensive cars, and make it rain at strip clubs. What incentive do they have to play with a minor injury when they get paid the same ridiculous money regardless and since they make so much of it to begin with, what motivation is there? I think part of the reason is the salaries these guys make, but another part of it is the seasons are too long... especially baseball. When you're playing over a hundred games, it's hard to keep a high level of drive game in and game out.



How do we solve this? My proposal: Put a realistic salary cap into place. No one deserves to make more money than some small nations for simply putting a ball into a basket or hitting and catching a ball. Honestly, hockey players make the least amount of money for any professional sport but I think their salaries are about right for professional athletes. A couple million max! No, 125mil contracts for a player who has been injured much of this season and can't hit a ball during the playoffs. The sports haven't really become more popular in the last several years, in fact they've probably become less popular. Salaries should be based on the greatest players to play the game. For example, I think it's pretty easy to say that Michael Jordan was the best player in the history of basketball, no one to day should be making more than he did when he played. Sure inflation should be taken into consideration but that's about it. Get the qualities back into the game, that used to make the games great and fun to watch.

The Greatest Trophy in Professional Sports

What other sport has:
1) Jack Bauer do the intro
2) Players play with broken and/or dislocated body parts
3) Grow and play with some of the most manly beards ever
4) Get into fights because of tradition and unwritten rules (some pregame warmups even include boxing)
5) Goes hand-in-hand with drinking ice cold Canadian beer
6) Rarely includes speeches that contain the phrase, "I'd like to thank God."

Me vs. the Loaded Steakhouse Burger (Ohio Moo and the Kingdom of the turd burgers.)

The Loaded Steakburger- loaded with crispy, baked potato topping, bacon, A1 steak Thick & Hearty Steak Sauce and a slice of American cheese on top of a 100% Angus Beef patty. (Courtesy of BK.com.)

Friday, May 23, 2008
13:00- 14:00
Burger King

I'm not sure why anyone thought this was a good idea but it was mission accomplished after today. I wanna give a special thanks to the indestructible organ that is my stomach and to my brain for being able to rationalize its way into and out of any situation.

Ok, so I was actually terrified of ordering this monstrosity and after the hot cashier with the black eyeliner asked me if I grew up in a house with casseroles, I was petrified. But being the brave soul that I am, I soldiered on with my boss right behind me. We ordered the same thing, the Loaded, not the regular which looked decent, Steakburger. Upon unwrapping and seeing this "edible burger" face to face, I realized that I made a big mistake. Huge. This thing was almost the size of my head and looked like the insides of someones insides. Smelled like it too.

I took my first bite and wasn't sure. Second bite, okay. Third bite, what oh what have I done? I think that musta been the first bite with the baked potato topping on it. The sandwich was also boobie trapped which was only appropriate because Burger King is promoting the new Indiana Jones movie. A rogue piece of bacon weaseled its way out of the bun and slapped me in the face, leaving a trail of A1 Thick and Hearty slime on my cheek. Don't worry tho, I rassled that thang back where it belonged, on the floor. It was hot.

I can honestly say that the Baconator killed the Steakburger. Hands down.
No contest. At least now I know that. You definitely need something to cleanse the palate afterward, I recommend ice cream but stick to the soft serve.

Moo: 1; Sandwiches: 1
Up next: Me vs. the Big Buford.

Pics and video coming soon...

Charlie bit my finger - again !

Learned from the Pepsi Commercials

Me vs. The Baconator

The Baconator sandwich- is a hamburger sold by the international fast-food restaurant chain Wendy's. It is one of their late-teen–to–young-adult, male-oriented products. The Baconator consists of two 4oz. beef patties, two slices of American cheese, six strips of bacon, mayonnaise, ketchup on a premium bun. - Courtesy of Wikipedia

Morgan Moo Milla- the thrilla Killa from the Villa is a 27 year old, 104 lb lady who usually is a healthy eater but sometimes isn't.

Friday, May, 9, 2009
12:00- 1:00 pm
Wendy's

So, this has been building momentum for sometime now... the Baconator has been out in the world for just over a year and I was the last person in my office to sample it. Everyone talked of it's juicy, cheesy goodness but I was suspect. That and I simply am not a fan of bacon on my burgers. (I can't help it. I was dropped on my head as a child.) Several times I have been tempted by the call of the Baconator but each time I shot it down like a dude with a popped collar and a puka shell necklace. Today was different. I had to answer the door because destiny was a-knocking... and I had a date with that sandwich.

My boss, Dirt Nasty and another work friend, ZZ loaded up in the car and headed over to Wendy's... I couldn't eat it alone. I needed moral support. And witnesses. As we exited the car, I felt like soundtrack music should have been swelling in the background and that we should have been walking in slow motion. I stepped up to the plate and ordered that thang... with fries and a diet coke, natch. We sat down and I unwrapped it and the smell of it's bacony-cheesy goodness hit me smack in the face. I was ready. The first bite was, in a word, incredible. The second bite was reminiscent of a breakfast sandwich. And the third bite, well, I was wondering if I could eat another one at this sitting. I highly recommend the Baconator although I must say, it is not for the faint of heart... or weak of stomach. I am a human garbage disposal so it didn't do any immediate damage to this girl but if you gots the IBS or something, steer clear. You could have explosive rhea and be in the head for a while.

Another thing checked off the Summer of Fun 2008 list. Atta girl, Moo Moo. Atta girl.

20 Guidelines to a Successful Cult

The following guidelines are based on the stupidity and ridiculousness of some of the famous cults in history:

1. Don't bang underage girls
2. Don't bang married chicks
3. Don't do any weird sexual shit, Jesus didn't do it and your followers are going to catch on pretty quickly. Besides, you're the Messiah that is as good of a pickup line as any.
4. Don't take your followers' money, have them give it to the 'needy'. It makes you look greedy and really brings your intentions into question
5. Grow a beard
6. Don't make ridiculous claims, like the world is going to end on so-and-so day. When it doesn't happen your powers are going to become meaningless.
7. Whatever you do, make it appear that you always have less than your followers. You're the Messiah, worldly possessions need to appear meaningless to you.
8. Always wear sandals and robes. Messiahs don't wear Nike's and jeans.
9. If you have some effed up childhood, you're going to have trouble convincing others that you are who you say you are. Keep that stuff under wraps.
10. Don't use "I'm the Messiah" to justify weird shit.
11. Learn magic.
12. Look for people that have recently gone through tragedy. For the same reason the skinheads are always getting new recruits, tragedy and sadness make people incredibly gullible trusting.
13. Don't wear aviator glasses. At this point, it's pretty safe to say, David Koresh ruined this one for future cult leaders.
14. Don't have disabled followers or freaky people hang around you, a Messiah could cure these imperfections.
15. Dissenters only mean storms are ahead. Be prepared. Better yet, get better persuasion skills.
16. A degree in psychology or marketing is just as good as reading the Bible, religion is simply a tool of persuasion. There are several other things that can be used.
17. You must be skinny. Related to #7 you need to make it appear that your followers get way more than you and if you're fat and they are skinny, it's going to be difficult.
18. Don't do documentaries with National Geographic. Secrecy is a strength, use it.
19. Don't have your followers do weird stuff like have group suicides or kill people. Again, secrecy is a good thing and that stuff just gets you on the grid of the authorities.
20. Always talk in slow and soft tones. In no way can you come across as aggressive. Always seem nurturing.