Everything Ridiculous

New obsession

2010-04-27T11:01:00.004-04:00

Happy Tuesday babes! It's a little sunnier here today in the capital city of Ohio but not really any warmer which is too bad. And really, it's not all that sunny. That's just me trying to be positive. Ok, so I have a new obsession...

It all started with TheSartorialist.com and it has gotten slightly outta control. The Sartorialist is a website chock full of beautiful photos taken by the fantastic Scott Schuman. Basically, this is a fashion blogs that captures unique and fabulous people that have stand out style. I love to wait and week and save of a weeks worth of pics before I scan them... it's hard for me not to look everyday but I try! The people he photographs are from NYC, Milano, London, Barcelona and of course, Paris. (There are other places as well but these are the heavy hitters.)

From there, I started reading the blog that is put out by Garance Dore who is just wonderful! She is a photographer as well but also writes about clothes. (She designed a t-shirt line for the Gap a few years back. She's just fantastic!) The blog is in French and English and just so dang cute! I love to read her essential items for a wardrobe and then read the readers responses as well. So fun!

And last week I found my newest gem! It's called My Style Pill and it is written by Christine Cameron who is adorbs! I LOVE LOVE LOVE this blog because she buys things 1) from places that I can get to and 2) that I can afford. I love the "remixes" that she does with her clothes... it really inspires you to shop your closet, as they say. In fact, I did just that yesterday and this morning. Maybe I'll post some pics later on to show you what I mean. It really rejuvenated me. It's sounds ridiculous, I know but it's TRUE! Plus, I got compliments from my man both days! And that makes a lady feel real good.

thesartorialist.com
garancedore.com
mystylepill.com

Sorority T-shirts

2010-04-13T14:05:00.002-04:00

I have SO many Delta Gamma t-shirts it's not right. I mean, I graduated from college 6 years ago and I still have SO many. Plus I get at least 2 new ones a year because I am the Recruitment advisor for my chapter. And the worst part? I can't get rid of them. For some reason on my lunch break today, I was thinking about dusting... that isn't code for anything. I was really thinking about dusting, you know with the pledge and a rag. And this got me thinking, can you see the light bulb over my head? Can you see where I'm going with this? It got me thinking about this particular Greek Week 2000 shirt that has stains all over it including the hard earned pit stains, that is ready to be put to pasture. I mean, it shouldn't be worn in private let along public; it's gross. So, yup, you guessed it! I can use it as a dust rag. Woohoo! I think me not being able to get rid of these shirts is because I can't waste anything. Now, no, I'm not a hoarded. My closet is color coded and most of my heels are kept in boxes. I have a separate closet for dress pants and dresses. My can goods are in alphabetical order. I am so type A about lots of stuff but I think I am also environmentally conscious so its hard to just throw away a perfectly (yeah, stained) t-shirt?! Oh, the horrah. The HORRAH. I just can't do it. It's not like those t-shirts hold that much in terms of sentimental value because they don't. I have too many of them for that excuse to work. I can sell them because who would buy them? As weird as it sounds, I wouldn't want a (gasp) non Delta Gamma to wear them! Such a dilemma I tell you, such. a. dilemma.

Well, hey, at least I got rid of one. Now, for the other 268...

1st Clippers Game of 2010

2010-04-13T12:55:00.004-04:00

So, my boyfriend bought season tickets for the Columbus Clippers this year and last night was the first chance we had to take in a game. It was the perfect evening for a ball game too! 4 of us (Micah, the bf, Patrick, Mike and myself) walked to Huntington Park (which by the way, I have totally started pronouncing Huntington like Jamie Oliver aka Hunt-ting-ton instead of the southern Ohio way I grew up saying it aka Hunnington. Hunt-ting-ton just is so fun to say.) and immediately were thrilled to realize that it was, drum roll pah-leeze, DIME A DOG night!!!! I for one, am an eater. I always have been and I have no shame in it. We all ordered 5 dogs, which is the limit so, between us we had 15. Micah and I were on the same order, but we divided the dogs up between the 4 of us. Micah and I also ordered cheese fries, beers and a pepsi. Mike got the same thing we did and Patrick, our good friend Patrick got all that and then purchased the most amazing thing I have eaten in a long time... FUNNEL CAKE FRIES! You guys, it tasted like strips of funnel cake covered with powered sugaaah! To the average non-dieter, it was a tasty treat. To a lady who has been on South Beach, phase 1, it was A-MAY-ZING! INCREDIBLE!! DEE-LISH-OUS!!! Thank God I wore roomy pants last night.

Ok, so after all that, we really started watching the game. (We have great seats for the season, to the left of home plate, behind the net.) Clippers (Cleveland affiliate) was playing the Louisville Bats (Cincinnati affiliate)so it was a fun game, esp. since I am an Indians fan and my boyfriend is a fan of the Red Legs. One of the "Bats" was up to bat, swung and WHAMMO! The bat went sailing through the net and crashed into the crowd. It bounced on the concrete aisle and then some brave soul caught it. It was intense. None of the four of us had ever seen that happen before. Pretty cool. And scary.

All in all, it was a great night. The Clippers won (I told Micah to suck it) and we walked home. I can't wait to do it again.

Bobs and beans.

2010-04-08T14:36:00.002-04:00

It is a little known fact that I am a bean lover. That's right, I LOVE beans! Any kind. I'm talking green, pinto, lima (yes, even the most hated bean of all, the lima), kidney, white, garbanzo and navy. And all the others I missed. I just think they are a cheap, hearty, good eat... not to mention good for you. And as the rhyme goes, they are pretty magical to boot.

It is a yucky rainy day here in central Ah-hi-ya (Ohio you guys, c'mon!) and all I wanted for lunch was beans. Which, as it turns out, is really lucky because they are on the approved foods list that I can eat off of... let me back up. I started the South Beach diet a week and a half ago because I could no longer fit into my favorite jeans and it was just a drag. Plus, it's really just time to shed the winter layer of comfy warm blubber. Ok, so yeah, beans... I decided to take a drive down to the local Bob Evans and get some bean soup. It was amazing. I didn't even have to salt them. Or pepper them for that matter. They. were. perfect. Totally hit the spot on this rainy afternoon.

Ok, so, they is a certain crowd that dines at Bob Evans. No, I'm not talking about the cute little grannies with their rain-kerchiefs but they were there also. I'm talking about the work boot wearing, wangler jeans loving crowd. I swear, I could walk into a Bob Evans anywhere in the country and instantly be transported back to Gallia county. It's sweet, weird feeling... sorta homey. I like it.

It is also a reminder, for me, of the mining incident that happen in West Virgina this week. I have known people who have died in mining accidents and it is a terrible thing to go through. You often times have no body because either it couldn't be found or because it was found in pieces. My thoughts and prayers are with those families who are suffering with the loss of a loved one or who are distraught with worry wondering if their loved one is alive.

I don't think people realize that coal mining is such a risky and dangerous job, mainly because it doesn't directly effect us. We just enjoyed the benefits of this resource without ever thinking "Hey, I wonder how this got here?" I believe that these men, for the most part, love what they have chosen to do with their lives. Coal mining is unlike any other job anywhere. So thank you to all of you out there, choosing to go down, day after day and mine. Be safe and keep the faith.

1st OSU game of the season...

2009-09-04T13:20:00.002-04:00

This is my absolute 100% favorite time of the year... the air is full of hope and dreams, dreams of a national championship and hopes of beating Michigan. The bars are full of freshmen and beer. My head is full of bad decisions, many of which I will talk myself into and out of before the season is over.

For the first game, mother nature and the elements are on our side. The sun is always out and there is no need for jackets. Everyone is a good mood and the street meat is all around. People that detest each other in real life get along on game day. That's right friends, put those differences aside and cheer on the home team!

I'm excited for all that, no doubt about it but I am also excited because now not only am I checking out the talent on the field, but off the field as well. I'm ready to tackle my own tight end... operation "GLBO" is in full swing. There are so many new and challenging options for this fall. I can barely contain my excitement!

If I see you tomorrow, please except this apology in advance. And as always, GO BUCKS!!!

Ohhh the New Year

2009-02-02T14:36:00.007-05:00

I love the start of the New Year. I really do. Even though I still tend to think of the year as an elementary child, you know starting in September and ending in June. And the rest of the time is when I should be on vacation. As my dad likes to say, "It's hell to get old."

My NYE was a tad different this year, for starters, I wasn't with a certain Asian. And for seconders, I wasn't in Chicago. And for thirders, I didn't make a fool outta myself. (See, starting the new year off acting like a mature, classy, lady who is full of grace.)

I have a good feeling about 2009 and being 28 this year. Dang. 28. I gotta let that one sink in for a sec...

Ok, that's a little better. Ok, so for my new year's resolutions... shall we begin?
* Improve posture (currently doing that as we speak!)
* Blog more (yeah, yeah, Jan. was a bust but in my defense, it twas my birthday month.)
* Send more birthday cards. On time.
* Call my grandparents more.
* Complain less.
* Listen to more classical music.
* Take more walks.
* Do more with my lil Sis.

I usually like to have 7 so I think I'll stop with 8. I didn't put my usual "work out more" and "smoke/ drink less" because I'm actually doing those things right now. Shocking, I know. Sometimes, I don't even recognize myself. Or maybe it's just been a looooong time since I've felt so much like my old self. I feel like I'm having an Oprah "a-HA" moment.

The Work Holiday Party

2008-12-09T11:37:00.003-05:00

Last Friday was my office Christmas party... let me give you a little insight into the company that I work for. It is a cross between Hooters (delightfully tacky) and Dunder Mifflin. Seriously. We have one of those GIANT blow-up Santa's, who is holding a gift that spins, in the entryway to our office. Classy, I know. Our party was held, ta da, at the office! Because you know, after I've worked 8 hours there, going back after being off for an hour and a half, that sounds like the BEST idea. EVER. We also had to bring a dish and prepare an entertainment. Don't ask. So our sick President, we'll call her "White Tiger", who wasn't at work all week, decided she was going to make lamb chops for every one's dining pleasure. Sick woman (who is using "old country tricks" like hot water and mustard on her feet to get better) + meat = second best idea. EVER. We were also getting something called Muscat wine. Hilarity was going to ensue. No question.

I, was fortunate enough to house/dog sit the night of the party and totally got out of going. I was relaxing on the couch when my supervisor, Mr. Ma-Chine, texted me, saying "you gotta get over here, the White Tiger is shitfaced". Weeeell, ok! Now you're talking. I couldn't resist.

What I walked into, I was not ready for. Our Peruvian secretary was screaming at everyone to stop calling her a Mexican, which no one was doing. She was 100% totally smashed, complete with bobbing and weaving motions while seating in her chair. She also started spitting on floor. Because "whad da eff you gon do bout it beeetch" so why not, right? That's normally why I spit too. Someone brought their child, and this child decided to sing "Jingle Bombs" and do a routine in which she portrays a terrorist. Highly PC and appropriate, considering one staff member is Muslim.

All the cool kids (Mr. Ma-Chine, his BF J, the Frenchman and his Quinoa, Ms. Angela Martin, Chop and his BF, De-Ron and Branch) were all sitting on one side of the room, away from everyone else so I saddled up and took my seat between Ma-Chine and J and got caught up on the party gossip.

Apparently, the White Tiger bit. it. during Havana-Gila. I mean, face plant on a table. Her attire did not help her cause either. As Ma-Chine said, it was like 10 lbs of shit in a 5 lb. bag. Someones husband taught everyone to make guns out of paper. The Peruvian secretary humped some people on the dance floor and then a trashcan. I was stalked by the girl child who was brought to the party by her mother and father. I hate them for that. She was telling everyone we were sisters. I really hated that. You know how I feel about children.

At the end of the party, the cool kids were the only ones left and we sat around and talked trash about everyone. Tis the season!

Happy Holidays, everyone!

Nokia N96 - Bruce Lee Ping Pong

2008-11-20T09:55:00.001-05:00

Ummmmm... AWESOME!!

Real bears playing Hockey

2008-11-16T15:45:00.001-05:00

Sadly they may be able to beat the JV team.

Borderline Racist 1960's Jell-O Ad

2008-11-15T13:51:00.001-05:00

Ohh, the 60's, where racism was legit.

2008-10-24T11:56:00.001-04:00

Liberal is Anti-American?

2008-10-20T10:41:00.003-04:00

In a recent interview Rep. Michele Bachmann, from Minnesota, basically calls out liberal democrats as "un-American" mostly because they see America as imperfect. I would argue that to see America as imperfect and work to make it better is the most American thing we can do. Our country was founded by men who questioned their government and fought to "form a more perfect union". These men were called seditionists and traitors, but it was because of them that we live in the country we love so dearly today. I would say that to become complacent and not question your government, to not hold it accountable for its actions, and to not work to make it better would be comparable to the loyalists of the revolutionary period, and therefore truly un-american.

Furthermore, the GOP has been accusing Obama of being socialist and questioning his patriotism because of his association with Ayers... what about the fact that Palin was a member of a political party that wanted Alaska to secede from the United States? I'm not sure but I believe when you want to leave the country you are apart of, that is the MOST un-american thing you can possible do. To question a government and to fight for change is one thing but to fight to leave a coutnry is a whole other thing!

If you can logically argue this, please do, because I am truly confused as to where the GOP gets off accusing Obama as being un-patriotic when their VP candidate wanted to leave the country?

Dear Mom,

2008-10-18T14:33:00.004-04:00

Thank you for not sucking as a parent. Seriously, what is wrong with some people?

Cheese: The Best Snack on Earth

2008-09-22T20:10:00.000-04:00

http://health.msn.com/nutrition/articlepage.aspx?cp-documentid=100215630&GT1=31036

I've been saying this for years!!

Barack Obama does care about black people

2008-08-29T17:32:00.001-04:00

Boom Goes the Dynamite

2008-08-20T16:34:00.001-04:00

A classic.

Introducing... my new iPhone

2008-08-20T15:04:00.004-04:00

So about 3 weeks ago, I became the proud owner of the new 3G iPhone and I LOVE it. I mean, I don't just love it, it sort of completes me. When I have a bad day, it makes me smile, with it's shiny little face and email updates. When I am sad, it makes me happy, with it's cute little apple self. When someone calls me and pisses me off, I no longer want to throw my phone out the window. I just simply hang up on said caller and then gently place the phone down on a solid surface so nothing happens to it. Really though, it is great and worth all the hassle I went through to get it. I had to wait almost a month for my little fruit to come in... I swear, people who adopt babies from foreign countries have a faster return rate than I did but not to worry, it all worked out. I know it's super materialistic and superficial and all that but it does allow myself to feel that much cooler than before. I like to think that it enhances the coolness that I already possess. Or think I possess. Or lack of knowledge about the coolness I secretly don't possess. Whatever, it works for me.

Speaking of working for me, I don't know how to operate this cute little maze of intricate electronic genius. I think maybe my fingers are too fat or my brain is too slow or my eyes get too easily distracted by all things shiny. Which ever one of those it is, it's really messin' me up. I get people's numbers and think I've saved them only to go to call that person and WHAMMO! No number to be found. (Granted the few times this happened, I had been enjoying some adult beverages...) I recently learned that I can no longer text and walk at the same time. The little darling is ultra sensitive and instead of writing, "Ok, girl. See u soon!" It comes out as "q# huek& Eed y xppj" which is no good for anyone. I am getting better at answering it, thank God for that. I think that was making not only me nuts but everyone who called me and could hear me talking just not to them, nuts too. And I am learning my way around all the settings, etc. So as you can see, it's been quite the process!

So, yeah, apple makes the cutest, best looking toys out there. I highly recommend this little dude... you know if you want to look cooler than you already are. Or pretend to be.

[OFFICIAL] Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince Trailer

2008-08-15T22:16:00.003-04:00

DUUUHHH!!

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince Trailer

2008-08-15T22:16:00.001-04:00

DUUUHHH!!!

Will Ferrell for Tiger Woods 2008 ESPYs

2008-08-15T21:53:00.001-04:00

Where o where to place the blame?

2008-07-31T09:54:00.006-04:00

I feel like a horrible person. Like all these crazy things keep happening in my life and that all these silly rumors keep surfacing. I have been feeling that way the past few weeks (minus my 5 glorious days of vacation, thanks to you Miss HEP!) and it's the pits. I had a breakdown of sorts last night because it feels like all these things that have been happening or that I've been ignoring are coming to a head and I'm losing all this ground and my cred. It's funny too, how it's all connected, how a falling out or a misinterpretation or a lie from one person can make it's way to another person who the first person doesn't even talk to but yet they believe it. Why is that? Why is it so much easier to believe the bad stuff? Why is it that you choose to believe the bad stuff first? Is it because that's what you hear first? Is it because you secretly don't trust the people you call (or called) friends? How did all this get so off track?

I feel like I need to reevaluate things in my life. I think I need to get over myself, in the since that I should get shut up, move on, and let it go. I need to stop being so selfish maybe and get back to that place where I was happy. I know it sounds so needy and so cliche and so whiny but I think it's true. I can't control anything else except the way that I react to the things that are thrown at me and truth be told, I haven't been doing the best job of that I could be. Or that I should be. Taking the high road is SO much harder. Believe me, I'd like nothing more than to just throw a few low blows but what good would it do? I know me and I know that if I did in fact do that, I would feel on top for about 27 minutes and then I would feel awful about it. That's not me, that's not how I want to be. And to be honest, I'm just so tired. I'm tired of the gaping mouths that cannot hold their tongues. I'm tired of the adolescent attitudes and the foresaking of friendships because of false statements. In short, I'm tired of the drama. I feel like it's time for me to fall off the radar. Just you know, disappear for awhile. Let things work themselves out and just sorta fade into the background for awhile. I have a million other things in my life to focus on, especially if I want to go back to school and I know that this too shall pass. And since I'm not dead yet, I guess it'll make me a tad stronger too.

But it's sooooo far away....

2008-07-29T23:32:00.002-04:00

Gettin' it off my chest

2008-07-15T15:54:00.004-04:00

Dear X,
So I guess this is it. I guess this was the divine intervention of the universe and maybe it was suppose to happen. I wish I could apologize for whatever it is that you believe I did but the truth is that you already chose to believe him and nothing I can say will change that. I'm shocked that you don't want to know my side of the story. Me, me who you've known for 8 years and who has never betrayed you and who has forgiven you, over him, who let's be honest, you don't even know. I don't know if it's simply easier for you to believe him because it makes you feel better, like it lessens the blow or something else that I don't understand. With you, I'm never sure. You have this amazing ability to take anything someone says, whether it's positive or negative and put the opposite spin on it. You always think someone is out to get you. That's simply not the case. I don't think that anyone thinks about you the way you think they do. Unfortunately, you are so self absorbed that you would never pick up on that. I wish you would seek the help that you and everyone else around you, who cares about you, knows that you need. I realize that you, like myself, have issues. We all have issues. Yours may just be more deep rooted than you'd like to admit. There's no shame in self improvement. I'm just worried that you think you don't need to change. If you didn't, you wouldn't be so lonely. If you are the company you keep, well, that says it all right there. I think I let you back in because I felt guilty. I felt guilty about not feeling guilty. (Like I said, I have my own issues.) And I feel sorry for you... no, not pity but more like I don't want to abandon you since you really have no one else. I don't think you know what it is to be happy with yourself, yourself, not your things, or to (at the risk of sounding overly cheesy) be able to love yourself. You're so visibly unhappy, like you can't stand to be in your own skin. I just wish you could see that and want to make a change. That doesn't mean that anything is "wrong" with you. If you can't self reflect or grow as a person, how can you become the person you wish you were? I don't think you're a bad person, I think you just got lost somewhere along the way. You are quite a force to be reckoned with and part of me was really drawn to that but I've changed and I can't ever go back to being that way. It's toxic to me. And you. I think maybe we've gotten to the point where we became poisonous to each other. (We rarely say nice things to each other and even when that happens, it's me complimenting you. That's not normal in a friendship.) It's hard, I know, because we were SO close for so long but it's evident, oh so obvious, that this can't continue. I can't have you in my life because I don't like who I am when you move in and try to take over.

Just so you know, I never wanted him. I still don't. You still care for him and I would never take advantage of that. He came on to me. He was doing right in front of you and I can't believe you didn't see it. (I did everything I could possibly think of to diffuse any sort of sexual anything. Why do you think I was talking about tennis?) I wish you would have seen it because that would have made it easier for me. What did I have to gain by telling you the truth? Really? Nothing but I did it anyway. I mean, what if I never told you? Would that have made it easier or would something else have eventually happened and made it worse? You tell me because I did what I thought was right and got burned. He's a jerk and just to prove that, he sent me a text the next day saying that I should have come over. It's not me, it never was. And no, it is absolutely not all about me. I don't know where you EVER got that idea. I pushed him away. I swear, he could have raped me and it would have been my fault. You're unbelievable.

Seeing as how I'm "dead" to you, you'll never read this and you'll never know what really happened. That's your choice and I accept that. Just makes me wonder if I really ever wanted someone like that in my life. I wish you nothing but the best and hope that we never have to run into each other because it would be horrible and awkward for us both. And I'm sorry to say, I have no idea how you would react (i.e. would you throw a beer bottle at my head? would you scream at me in the middle of the bar?) I hope you make it to LA because I know you'd be happy there and maybe things in your life would change for the better.

And so it is. I have no idea how to end this because I don't want to seem excessively dramatic and yet not dramatic enough.

So, that's it. Maybe one day, we can put this behind us and get on with getting on... until then,

Me

The Ruination of Facebook

2008-06-30T19:56:00.005-04:00

Once upon a time, in the not to distant past, there was a place found on the internet where college students could share pictures, information, and keep in touch with classmates and high school friends at different universities. It was a tool, that used properly, was even useful in expanding learning outside of the classroom. It was free from banner ads and embedded ads, and it was simple and easy to use. It started out at just a few universities but slowly spread to college campuses across the country. Pretty soon you couldn't find a college student who didn't know what Facebook was.

Today, the game has changed. No longer exclusive to college students, Facebook has become an open cesspool for anyone with a computer. Where once was a place to communicate with friends, is now a "junk drawer" for 'applications', banner ads, spam, and middle schoolers trying to post pictures of themselves in their most inappropriate poses. What was once a convenient and easy way to see what your friends were up to or what kinds of things were going on around campus; is now an, almost impossible to navigate, mess of applications that people have made to try and make money or, at the very least, waste hours of your time.

When we look back at the progression of Facebook, it is pretty easy to see where the transformation from positive social technology to viral mass marketing tool and pedophile playground occurred.

The first big change was the introduction of the 'News Feed'. All of a sudden your friends, and those you added to be nice, could see every time you made an update to your profile or someone wrote on your wall. So bad was the initial launch of this new feature, that Facebook had to temporarily suspend it until they could make the appropriate fixes to their security policy. Enter Phase 2 of the transformation. With the addition of the 'News Feed', Facebook had to instill security measures where people could pick or choose what updates got televised on the News Feed. Most people, concerned with the absolute creepiness-factor of it all and the sheer threat of a cyber-stalker, realized that it was safest to just prevent everything from being shown on the News Feed.

Next, and probably the biggest factor in the ruination, was the opening of Facebook to the general public. In just 1 day, Facebook went from an online community of college students in the same general position to a community of Tom, Dick, and Harrys which included everything from middle schoolers to pedophiles to teachers and parents. The first two, I might note, don't necessarily go well together. A sanctuary for a group of people with generally similar views, experiences, etc. had become open to the evils of the ignorant public. It wasn't long before little siblings became curious of Facebook, followed by parents, and soon companies and businesses were looking into Facebook for information about potential employees and as a tool for advertising. Pandora's box had been opened.

Finally, was the introduction of 3rd party applications. Although, one of the bullet points of Web 2.0 and social networking, Applications were the final piece of the puzzle to ruining Facebook. Anyone with some programming knowledge was able to create an application that could be added to someone's Facebook page. Applications ranged from enhanced versions of Facebook features that already existed to full-fledged games, and the one thing that all of the applications had in common was the ability to send any updates to the News Feed. Now, not only can your friends see when you make profile updates but they can also see when your ninja kills a pirate or what celebrity you resemble. Facebook pages and News Feeds, alike, have become polluted with useless applications, unimportant information, and stupid ads. Some of the applications even make you send your friends invites to install the app on their page just for you to get to the end point of the app. Most of these applications aren't designed so they are easy to use, but rather for the user to unassumingly click on an indescrete link that takes them to some other site trying to sell them something. And so, once again, the security issues comes into play; and people realize that instead of having to sift through pages of pointless News Feeds, it is easier to just block all updates from coming to the News Feed.

Thus, we are left with an online community of pages that people don't update often or look at because they are afraid of being bombarded with News Feeds, ads, and spam. A place where people have become so cautious about what is televised to everyone, that they choose to not share any information at all. Where it was once commonplace to see people using Facebook walls almost like instant messaging, we are left with the equivalent of grafitti on an overpass where walls are written on sporatically. No longer can you simply sign on and see what your friends are up to or how they are doing. Instead you either have to search for their profile in your friends list and see if they have made any updates or changes, or you have to be satisfied with reading about how they got a personal high score in Word Twist.

Due to the greed and ignorance of America, a site that was a great tool for social communication amongst, atleast somewhat, semi-intellectual college students, and had loads of potential has become a site of pointless procrastination for the masses.

Check your balls

2008-06-30T08:18:00.001-04:00

Hilarious!!

Teeny Little Super Guy

2008-06-10T16:07:00.001-04:00

They should probably just merge the NBA and the WNBA

2008-06-06T16:09:00.005-04:00

After last night's game between the Lakers and Celtics, Paul Pierce proved why the NBA should merge with the WNBA. And, I know most of you out there are asking yourselves why anyone would suggest such a prepostorous thing. Well, I'll tell you why... both leagues are filled with p*ssies.

Paul Pierce went out of last night's game with a "knee injury". It was "so bad" that he had to be wheeled into the locker room in a wheel chair, but "miraculously" he was able to come back into the game and win it with two 3-pointers. Turns out he might have a "slight sprain". A slight sprain, required him to be wheeled into the locker room? Are you kidding me? This is a prime example of how the NBA has become a league of overpaid pre-madonnas that is quickly becoming on par with MLB. Today, players in both sports are paid millions of dollars, which works out to thousands of dollars per game, and yet they will sit out with broken fingernails, mild sprains, sore muscles, etc. What happened to the days when players played through almost anything because they had the desire to be in the game? Because it was more painful to sit on the bench injured, than to play through whatever injury they may have had?

If you had watched any of the Stanley Cup Finals, that ended this week, you will have more of an idea about where I'm coming from. In the finals players were playing with dislocated shoulders, broken noses, broken feet, and who knows what other minor injuries that didn't even get broadcasted. Ryan Malone got his nose broken in Game 1, took a 90mph puck in his face which rebroke his nose, and was out playing the next period. Two years ago, Sidney Crosby played with a broken foot. Hockey with a broken foot would be like playing baseball or basketball with a broken hand. With that said, I think it's pretty obvious that hockey players are some of the most resiliant athletes in the world, yet somehow they are the least paid. I guess my main complaint is that the NBA and MLB have taken away the 'love of the game' that players used to play their respective sports for and replaced it with multi-million dollar contracts and greed. Players no longer play just to play or play because they love playing the game. They play to earn money, to become famous, to buy expensive cars, and make it rain at strip clubs. What incentive do they have to play with a minor injury when they get paid the same ridiculous money regardless and since they make so much of it to begin with, what motivation is there? I think part of the reason is the salaries these guys make, but another part of it is the seasons are too long... especially baseball. When you're playing over a hundred games, it's hard to keep a high level of drive game in and game out.

How do we solve this? My proposal: Put a realistic salary cap into place. No one deserves to make more money than some small nations for simply putting a ball into a basket or hitting and catching a ball. Honestly, hockey players make the least amount of money for any professional sport but I think their salaries are about right for professional athletes. A couple million max! No, 125mil contracts for a player who has been injured much of this season and can't hit a ball during the playoffs. The sports haven't really become more popular in the last several years, in fact they've probably become less popular. Salaries should be based on the greatest players to play the game. For example, I think it's pretty easy to say that Michael Jordan was the best player in the history of basketball, no one to day should be making more than he did when he played. Sure inflation should be taken into consideration but that's about it. Get the qualities back into the game, that used to make the games great and fun to watch.

The Greatest Trophy in Professional Sports

2008-06-04T20:24:00.002-04:00

What other sport has:
1) Jack Bauer do the intro
2) Players play with broken and/or dislocated body parts
3) Grow and play with some of the most manly beards ever
4) Get into fights because of tradition and unwritten rules (some pregame warmups even include boxing)
5) Goes hand-in-hand with drinking ice cold Canadian beer
6) Rarely includes speeches that contain the phrase, "I'd like to thank God."

Me vs. the Loaded Steakhouse Burger (Ohio Moo and the Kingdom of the turd burgers.)

2008-05-23T15:26:00.007-04:00

The Loaded Steakburger- loaded with crispy, baked potato topping, bacon, A1 steak Thick & Hearty Steak Sauce and a slice of American cheese on top of a 100% Angus Beef patty. (Courtesy of BK.com.)

Friday, May 23, 2008
13:00- 14:00
Burger King

I'm not sure why anyone thought this was a good idea but it was mission accomplished after today. I wanna give a special thanks to the indestructible organ that is my stomach and to my brain for being able to rationalize its way into and out of any situation.

Ok, so I was actually terrified of ordering this monstrosity and after the hot cashier with the black eyeliner asked me if I grew up in a house with casseroles, I was petrified. But being the brave soul that I am, I soldiered on with my boss right behind me. We ordered the same thing, the Loaded, not the regular which looked decent, Steakburger. Upon unwrapping and seeing this "edible burger" face to face, I realized that I made a big mistake. Huge. This thing was almost the size of my head and looked like the insides of someones insides. Smelled like it too.

I took my first bite and wasn't sure. Second bite, okay. Third bite, what oh what have I done? I think that musta been the first bite with the baked potato topping on it. The sandwich was also boobie trapped which was only appropriate because Burger King is promoting the new Indiana Jones movie. A rogue piece of bacon weaseled its way out of the bun and slapped me in the face, leaving a trail of A1 Thick and Hearty slime on my cheek. Don't worry tho, I rassled that thang back where it belonged, on the floor. It was hot.

I can honestly say that the Baconator killed the Steakburger. Hands down.
No contest. At least now I know that. You definitely need something to cleanse the palate afterward, I recommend ice cream but stick to the soft serve.

Moo: 1; Sandwiches: 1
Up next: Me vs. the Big Buford.

Pics and video coming soon...

Charlie bit my finger - again !

2008-05-21T09:49:00.001-04:00

Learned from the Pepsi Commercials

2008-05-21T09:45:00.001-04:00

Me vs. The Baconator

2008-05-09T13:41:00.004-04:00

The Baconator sandwich- is a hamburger sold by the international fast-food restaurant chain Wendy's. It is one of their late-teen–to–young-adult, male-oriented products. The Baconator consists of two 4oz. beef patties, two slices of American cheese, six strips of bacon, mayonnaise, ketchup on a premium bun. - Courtesy of Wikipedia

Morgan Moo Milla- the thrilla Killa from the Villa is a 27 year old, 104 lb lady who usually is a healthy eater but sometimes isn't.

Friday, May, 9, 2009
12:00- 1:00 pm
Wendy's

So, this has been building momentum for sometime now... the Baconator has been out in the world for just over a year and I was the last person in my office to sample it. Everyone talked of it's juicy, cheesy goodness but I was suspect. That and I simply am not a fan of bacon on my burgers. (I can't help it. I was dropped on my head as a child.) Several times I have been tempted by the call of the Baconator but each time I shot it down like a dude with a popped collar and a puka shell necklace. Today was different. I had to answer the door because destiny was a-knocking... and I had a date with that sandwich.

My boss, Dirt Nasty and another work friend, ZZ loaded up in the car and headed over to Wendy's... I couldn't eat it alone. I needed moral support. And witnesses. As we exited the car, I felt like soundtrack music should have been swelling in the background and that we should have been walking in slow motion. I stepped up to the plate and ordered that thang... with fries and a diet coke, natch. We sat down and I unwrapped it and the smell of it's bacony-cheesy goodness hit me smack in the face. I was ready. The first bite was, in a word, incredible. The second bite was reminiscent of a breakfast sandwich. And the third bite, well, I was wondering if I could eat another one at this sitting. I highly recommend the Baconator although I must say, it is not for the faint of heart... or weak of stomach. I am a human garbage disposal so it didn't do any immediate damage to this girl but if you gots the IBS or something, steer clear. You could have explosive rhea and be in the head for a while.

Another thing checked off the Summer of Fun 2008 list. Atta girl, Moo Moo. Atta girl.

20 Guidelines to a Successful Cult

2008-05-07T22:19:00.004-04:00

The following guidelines are based on the stupidity and ridiculousness of some of the famous cults in history:

Don't bang underage girls
Don't bang married chicks
Don't do any weird sexual shit, Jesus didn't do it and your followers are going to catch on pretty quickly. Besides, you're the Messiah that is as good of a pickup line as any.
Don't take your followers' money, have them give it to the 'needy'. It makes you look greedy and really brings your intentions into question
Grow a beard
Don't make ridiculous claims, like the world is going to end on so-and-so day. When it doesn't happen your powers are going to become meaningless.
Whatever you do, make it appear that you always have less than your followers. You're the Messiah, worldly possessions need to appear meaningless to you.
Always wear sandals and robes. Messiahs don't wear Nike's and jeans.
If you have some effed up childhood, you're going to have trouble convincing others that you are who you say you are. Keep that stuff under wraps.
Don't use "I'm the Messiah" to justify weird shit.
Learn magic.
Look for people that have recently gone through tragedy. For the same reason the skinheads are always getting new recruits, tragedy and sadness make people incredibly ~~gullible~~ trusting.
Don't wear aviator glasses. At this point, it's pretty safe to say, David Koresh ruined this one for future cult leaders.
Don't have disabled followers or freaky people hang around you, a Messiah could cure these imperfections.
Dissenters only mean storms are ahead. Be prepared. Better yet, get better persuasion skills.
A degree in psychology or marketing is just as good as reading the Bible, religion is simply a tool of persuasion. There are several other things that can be used.
You must be skinny. Related to #7 you need to make it appear that your followers get way more than you and if you're fat and they are skinny, it's going to be difficult.
Don't do documentaries with National Geographic. Secrecy is a strength, use it.
Don't have your followers do weird stuff like have group suicides or kill people. Again, secrecy is a good thing and that stuff just gets you on the grid of the authorities.
Always talk in slow and soft tones. In no way can you come across as aggressive. Always seem nurturing.

Fraggle Rock. Spanish Opening

2008-05-07T21:56:00.001-04:00

and just for Moo.

Fraggle Rock Intro

2008-05-07T21:55:00.001-04:00

Back when everyone had HBO and HBO had kids shows on it.

Emma's Thoughts on Gas Prices

2008-05-03T17:39:00.002-04:00

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msnbc.com: Tequila grows up, gets more expensive

2008-05-01T23:03:00.001-04:00

Tequila grows up, gets more expensive
Over the last few years tequila, once favored by the less-than-salubrious denizens of Margaritaville, has really come of age.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/24407985/from/ET/

I’ve been saying this for how long?

Westerville North Gaylords!!

2008-04-22T22:51:00.004-04:00

gaylord- The Ultimate insult...in which nothing can outmatch. In using Gaylord you are saying somebody is essentially the Ruler of all Gays.

A Gaylord is a about 100x10^999 times more insulting than all of those words combined. Unlike many other definitions claim, Gaylord cannot be beaten by "fuck you" or any other insult.

Gaylord is a classic insult used many centuries ago, but recently has become lost in time...fortunatly it is slowely being brought back into everyday use.

Random Guy 1: Dude, fuck you to the max...and SUCK IT!!!

Random Guy 2: You're such a GAYLORD...Hail the ruler of all gays.

Random Guy 1: Shit, I just got served

(from urbandictionary.com)

Kris Kros - Jump

2008-04-20T01:14:00.001-04:00

Pause the game: Things you may not know, may already know, or may need to know about the female sex, a list.

2008-04-09T14:59:00.006-04:00

Ok, so after much thought and consideration, I have decided to compose a list of things that women wish men knew and if they already know these things then it's a list we wish they could remember.

When considering whether or not to ask out the girl you're afraid to talk to, keep this in mind: No matter who you are or what you look like, it's always flattering when you hit on us. Always.

You should show a mammoth appreciation for every square inch of our soft, hairless bodies. Waxing hurts like a motherfucker!

Dousing yourself in cologne is never sexy. If we wanted you to smell like us, we would date other women. So stick to your natural, God-given scent. We love it. Honest.

Like you, we never read Playboy for the articles. We like naked ladies almost as much as you do.

Please don't be thrown by the fact we have careers and homes and are independent women; we still need you very much for your love, for your humor, for the way you look at things differently, and for your loving arms around us.

Like the fortune cookie says: We love it when you ask us what we want. We also love it when you tell us what to do. In bed.

Soft and slow is always the way to go. Then again, sometimes we like it hard and rough.

Call us back right away. That "three day" crap does not apply. We're getting older and we don't have time to screw around. Wait too long and we'll lose interest. Trust me on this one.

If we come to you with a problem, don't get all Dr. Phil on our asses. We'll figure out the answer on our own. In fact, we already know the answer; we just like hearing ourselves talk.

A good plan (i.e., dinner reservations) makes for a perfect evening; no plan (i.e., no dinner reservations) makes for a quick goodbye.

Let us catch you looking at us.

If it's over, just tell us. If you're sitting around afraid of hurting us, it only makes the relationship so unbearable that we have to break up with you. We're actually stronger than you think, so even though we may cry more than you do, we're way more resilient.

Even if cupping your hand in front of your mouth yields no results, you may still have bad breath. It's okay; we all do sometimes. It's just that women appreciate a man who's mastered the art of the brush and floss.

Making us wait for your call does not make us more interested; it just makes you seem painfully slow.

We'll try anything once. Twice if you ask nicely.

The words jugs, rack, and clam are best used when referring to items found in a kitchen. If you're struggling to find ways to describe our anatomy, try to use words that cannot be printed in this magazine. Trust me on this.

We'd prefer it if you didn't use your tongue as if you were trying to remove a spot.

When we say, "I don't like to play games," it's because we are very experienced at playing games.

We are born detectives. So it should be no surprise that a man will always get caught cheating, because, in our eyes, he's always a suspect. It's only a matter of time.

We think about sex as much as you do, maybe more. We are simply covert about it.

Beware of the vagina, because it can read minds. You should also listen very closely to the vagina. It is a storyteller and a dreamer of dreams.

Some of us like cars, sports, and money.

We can have sex without expecting a call from you the next day.

Whether it's poker, rock climbing, stamp collecting, or fantasy football, we want to know the secret language of your hobbies. (That being said, if you tell us that playing Halo 2 improves the dexterity of your fingers, you'd better be able to prove it.)

We enjoy eating a greasy cheeseburger as much as you do. Maybe more.

How sexy you look unbathed at a campsite first thing in the morning is as important as how sexy you look in a tux. Then again, looking good in a tux can turn a nice girl into a porn star.

If you won't hold our hands in public, we won't blow you in private.

Chivalry does not emasculate you or make you our bitch.

If we run into your ex-girlfriend in public, the first thing you should do is put your arm around us. And if we have to introduce ourselves, you are in big trouble.

If, when asking a lady to spend the night, she says no, accept it and do not try to tip the scales with an offer of breakfast. Any girl who is swayed by the prospect of an omelette is probably not a keeper.

If we have to ask for it, go fuck yourself.

Sexy beats cute. Smart trumps sexy. Funny takes the pot.

Sometimes, we drink till you're cute, too.

We're way more vulgar than you. We just aren't as loud.

You are not the only ones who wish we would stop rambling on about our problems and just make out.

Smiling while kissing is so okay... once or twice. It shows us that you're enjoying yourself; more than that and we will get annoyed.

You should always pay on the first date.

We love it when you pick us up at the airport.

Women are crazy. Know that and tuck it away in your manly hearts.

Don't go running in fear or in search of the fire extinguisher everytime we start crying. Sometimes tears are a good thing. Stick around for the end result.

You say: "I'm intense." We hear: "I'm a psycho." We don't ever want to have an "intense" time at dinner.

Never take credit for something we actually did.

Men are free to think they're the boss, as long as they know we're the chairman of the board.

Many of us prefer a good single-malt Scotch to an apple saketini.

Since we let you inside of us, we care a lot about where you've been.

Go for the girl who can eat a proper meal. If she's passionate about food, you'll most likely be fortunate in other venues.

Don't paint a nasty picture of your exes. We'll justifiably wonder what made you stay in those heinous situations in the first place.

Notice the small things. The rewards are inversely proportional.

Sometimes we love you way more than we love ourselves.

There's something about a man who is a good driver: calm, good reflexes, knows where he's going, gets in and out of situations gracefully, knows when to speed up and slow down. Invariably, he's good in bed.

Don't try to figure us out. We don't even understand ourselves. Just think of us as a complex carbohydrate that's good for you.

We need you. Sometimes more than we'd like to admit.

The hottest man is the one who wants an age-appropriate woman. Case in point: Paul Newman -- still hot; Jack Nicholson -- man boobs. It's Mother Nature's ultimate revenge.

A woman will never discuss her boyfriend's "size" if there is anything lacking in that department. It's as much a source of disappointment and embarrassment for us as it is for you. On a related note, we never do unkind impressions of what you look like when you come. Unless, of course, it was a really bad breakup. Then everyone's going to know -- friends, family, work colleagues, the guy who does your dry cleaning.

Pull your pants up. You're not fifteen, you're not a rapper, and we need to see the shape of your ass.

When you break up with us, that means it's over, and we will only sleep with you two or three more times.

It's sexy when you cook for us.

Sometimes no means "I would have, but you're over thirty and spend your nights playing Xbox."

"No" does not mean "Yes, eventually," and if we say "Maybe," we really mean "No."

If you're wearing a baseball cap and you're bald...you know we know, right?

We only tell you the things we want you to know about us.

Some of us prefer "Fletch" or "Bull Durham" to a chick flick anyday of the week.

We prefer a man who's going to make $50 million to one who already has it. Women take potential over security every time.

Talking is our way of letting off steam, thus minimizing stress, thus minimizing heart problems, thus lengthening our lives by an average of five years. So let us talk. It's good for us.

Yes, we can dish it out. No, we can't take it.

Dayton Swim Club

2008-04-04T00:01:00.001-04:00

Yep, this one just had to go up. And just so you know a group of us went and took a tour... easily the scariest 20 minutes of my life.

Ray LaMontagne- Empty (BBC FOUR Session)

2008-04-03T23:26:00.001-04:00

I love this song.

Thunder Cats

2008-04-03T10:20:00.002-04:00

Some things just shouldn't be made into a live action movie.

MASK

2008-04-03T10:14:00.004-04:00

Such an underrated 80's cartoon.

Glow In The Dark Tour!

2008-04-02T22:41:00.002-04:00

Homecoming

2008-04-01T23:42:00.002-04:00

HOMECOMING from kwest on Vimeo.

Yours truly will be attending the Kanye West: Glow in the Dark Tour featuring Rihanna and Lupe Fiasco on June 13th! Word Son!

Today's Special Intro

2008-03-31T20:43:00.001-04:00

Wow, look at that afro.

Form Voltron

2008-03-27T20:47:00.001-04:00

It makes me feel funny where I pee. God, I loved this show!!

McDonald's Menu Song

2008-03-27T20:34:00.001-04:00

How far can you get?

Pinwheel

2008-03-27T08:28:00.001-04:00

I remember this being so much cooler, it's kind of scary and dark now.

My how the mighty have fallen

2008-03-26T23:33:00.004-04:00

I remember watching this on Saturday mornings. Seriously though, to go from having your own cartoon to getting sued for millions would suck.

Or this?

2008-03-26T23:31:00.001-04:00

Seriously, whoever made this popular is a huge a-hole!

Only the French!

2008-03-26T23:29:00.003-04:00

Anyone remember this? And in related news, apparently his Dad took all his money and he was left with a couple thousand dollars.

Somewhere around 25 Bizarre becomes Immature: A List

2008-03-25T14:28:00.010-04:00

The following is a list of activities that, although fun or amusing when you're 19-24, are not socially acceptable when you're 25:

Talking about donkey punching, turkey slapping, and anything related to hitting, punching, etc. to the other person during sex. It may have been funny to think about at the time, but at 25 you should be gettting sex regularly, so entertaining thoughts of weird sex acts because you're not getting any should not be necessary.
Alcohol Consumption and Alcohol Related Activities:

Body shots. By the time you're 25 you should be drinking good liquor and pouring it all over somebody's body only to lick it off of them is a waste of good liquor.
Shots. Again, related to the fact that you should be drinking good liquor. If you are a guy you should not be ordering anything less than whiskey or tequilla. That means the following shots are unacceptable: vodka, rum, any shot that includes anything that is not alcohol (i.e., grenadine, sour mix, juice, etc.--purple hooters, lemon drops, red headed sluts, etc. are all in this category), and anything that has whipped cream on it or in it (e.g., a blow job shot). Girls, if a guy you are with orders any of these shots you should a) question why you're with him or b) go home with the next nearest guy that is taking a real shot. Furthermore, short of a bachelorette party, there is no reason for a girl to take any of these shots either.
Wine. Try it. There is far more alcohol out there besides beer and by now you should be smart enough to realize that wine has a higher percentage of alcohol and tastes better, especailly when paired with the right food.
If you are 25 and still can't control your drinking and/or know when to cut yourself off you should not be drinking, so the following behaviors are no longer acceptable: punching, kicking, fighting, biting, or any other ridiculous physical behavior; one night stands or random hook-ups solely because you are 'drunk' and you 'don't know what you're doing'; passing out at bars or public places; boot 'n rally, puking and rallying, etc.; waking up with a stamp or mark on your face from the night before; going to work with a wrist band on; reaking of alcohol past noon the next day; smoking cigarettes only because you are drinking; uncontrollable emotional outbursts (i.e., getting angry for no reason, crying for no reason, etc.)

Tricking out your car. Just because Vin Diesel and Paul Walker were in their 30s in Fast and the Furious, does not make it cool to 'mod', 'trick out', or 'pimp out' your ride. Instead of wasting thousands of dollars on an exhaust and some neon lighting, spend the money and buy a big person car because, let's be honest, what are the changes you're going to race a quarter mile with someone? If you are street racing, you should probably jerk the wheel into on coming traffic the next time you race.

This brings up the point that racing people from red lights or stops signs should never ever be done after your 25th birthday.

Dungeons and Dragons, Magic, and any sort of fantasy role-playing. At 25 you should be on your way to establishing some form of career and/or life, you should not need to find solace in pretending you're a wizard, troll, or whatever it is your weirdos pretend to be.
Anal Sex. See explanation for #1. Furthermore, at this point you should have had the opportunity to have atleast tried it. If you chose not to then that was your choice, but if you have then you should have realized that it's really not that great and if you still think it is and you're a guy you should probably spend some time at a turkish bath house... you know... "to just see what it's all about and maybe experiment" because chances are that you have some deep rooted issues that are preventing you from truly 'being yourself'.
Rollercoaster Relationships. Breaking up, getting back together again, and doing it all over again is something we do when we're in high school and college because we're learning about the dynamics of relationships. By this time, you should have at least one serious relationship under your belt and the period to learn how to break-up should be long past.

When breaking up, things that should be avoided (and ultimately never enter your mind): seeking revenge (i.e., contacting your ex's family members, hooking up with friends of your ex, etc.). and name calling (break-ups happen, be a big boy and get over it).

Racism, sexism, and any other form of ignorance. You have now been alive a quarter of a centrury and have spent enough time in this world to hopefully be exposed to all walks of life, if you still have prejudices based on ignorance, get out more, go meet some people and start being an adult.
Not owning any dress clothes and/or the general inability to get dressed up. At this stage in the game, you and/or several people you know should be getting married. It is not acceptable to wear a clean pair of jeans or khakis and your Saturday golf polo to a wedding. Along these lines, it is no where near acceptable to wear a similar outfit to a job interview unless you are interviewing for a blue-collar job. Don't go drinking one weekend, take the money you saved, and buy yourself a respectable outfit.

Sagging your pants. Why? No really, why? Why would you still be sagging your pants?

Not knowing how to cook and/or do laundry. Although you could get away with eating McDonalds and wearing the same clothes for weeks on end in college, this behavior is no longer acceptable. I'm not saying everyone needs to know how to cook a 3 course meal but you should at least know how to boil some vegetables, cook a chicken and grill a steak. As for laundry: whites go with whites, colors go with colors, don't use bleach except for whites, and stick to using cold water (it's easier).
Smoking Weed. This is something most people have at least tried and although there's no scientific evidence, I'm still convinced the majority of chronic pot smokers smoke to ease their anxiety of human interaction. If you are one of these people, they offer legal prescriptions to cure this. Smoking weed is something people do in high school and college because it is cheap and they don't know any better. And not that I condone drug use, but if you are 25 and still feel the need to experience some altered state of mind, then grow up and do some real drugs like coke.
Okay, as much as it pains me to admit, dating a member of the opposite sex that is under the age of 21. The general rule is half your age plus 8 years (e.g., 25/2 = 12.5 + 8 = 20.5). Take it from someone who's been there before, dating people that cannot legally drink really limits the activities that you can partake in (thank god, mine had a fake I.D.). Aside from the whole limited social calendar is the issue of maturity and the heart of this entire list. There is a certain level of maturity you develop between 19 and 25, and as someone of relative maturity the activities that one would partake in at 19 should seem ridiculous at this point. Stay away from it. Find someone that you can do more than just sleep with.
Decorating with Blacklights, Lava Lamps, and Glow-in-the Dark Anything. Sure this stuff was fascinating when you were a kid and it was trippy when you were drunk or stoned in college but if you're using any of these things to decorate your abode, you might as well just buy inflatable furniture (and no this is NOT cool)!!

Special thanks to Maggie, Manda, Sarah, Laura, and Moo for adding their 2 cents.

Emma's First Blog

2008-03-20T17:58:00.004-04:00

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An E-Mail from Obama

2008-03-19T20:56:00.001-04:00

Five years ago today, President George W. Bush launched a war that should never have been authorized based on faulty premises and bad intelligence.
This war has now lasted longer than World War I, World War II, or the Civil War.
Nearly four thousand Americans have given their lives. Thousands more have been wounded. Even under the best-case scenarios, this war will cost American taxpayers well over a trillion dollars.
And where are we for all of this sacrifice?
We are less safe and less able to shape events abroad. We are divided at home, and our alliances around the world have been strained. The threats of a new century have roiled the waters of peace and stability, and yet America remains anchored in Iraq.
I am running for President because it's time to turn the page on a failed ideology and a fundamentally flawed political strategy, so that we can make pragmatic judgments to keep our country safe.
That's what I did when I stood up and opposed this war from the start and said that we needed to finish the fight against al Qaeda. And that's what I'll do as President of the United States.
Please take a few minutes to read my strategy for ending the war in Iraq and making America safer. I hope you will sign on and show your support:
http://my.barackobama.com/page/m/f16eeee7695e8268/L0D1Fw/VEsE/
Senator Clinton says that she and Senator McCain have passed a "Commander-in-Chief test" -- not because of the judgments they've made, but because of the years they've spent in Washington.
She made a similar argument when she said her vote for war was based on her experience at both ends of Pennsylvania Avenue.
But here is the stark reality: there is a security gap in this country -- a gap between the rhetoric of those who claim to be tough on national security, and the reality of growing insecurity caused by their decisions.
It is time to have a debate with Senator McCain about the future of our national security. And the way to win that debate and keep America safe is to offer a clear contrast -- a clean break from the failed policies and politics of the past.
Nowhere is that break more badly needed than in Iraq.
Join me in supporting an end to this war and a plan for a safer America:
http://my.barackobama.com/page/m/f16eeee7695e8268/L0D1Fw/VEsF/
The judgment that matters most on Iraq -- and on any decision to deploy military force -- is the judgment made first.
If you believe we are fighting the right war, then the problems we face are purely tactical in nature. That is what Senator McCain wants to discuss -- tactics. What he and the Administration have failed to present is an overarching strategy: how the war in Iraq enhances our long-term security, or will in the future.
That's why this Administration cannot answer the simple question posed by Senator John Warner in hearings last year: Are we safer because of this war? And that is why Senator McCain can argue -- as he did last year -- that we couldn't leave Iraq because violence was up, and then argue this year that we can't leave Iraq because violence is down.
When you have no overarching strategy, there is no clear definition of success.
Success comes to be defined as the ability to maintain a flawed policy indefinitely. Here is the truth: fighting a war without end will not force the Iraqis to take responsibility for their own future. And fighting in a war without end will not make the American people safer.
When I am Commander-in-Chief, I will set a new goal on Day One: I will end this war. Not because politics compels it. Not because our troops cannot bear the burden -- as heavy as it is. But because it is the right thing to do for our national security, and it will ultimately make us safer.
Show your support for a clear strategy to end the war in Iraq and focus our national security efforts on making America safer:
http://my.barackobama.com/page/m/f16eeee7695e8268/L0D1Fw/VEsC/
Here are the core elements of my strategy to address our critical national security challenges in the 21st century:
End the war in Iraq, removing our troops at a pace of 1 to 2 combat brigades per month;
Finally finish the fight against the Taliban, root out al Qaeda and invest in the people of Afghanistan and Pakistan, while making aid to the Pakistani government conditional;
Act aggressively to stop nuclear proliferation and to secure all loose nuclear materials around the world;
Double our foreign assistance to cut extreme poverty in half;
Invest in a clean energy future to wean the U.S. off of foreign oil and to lead the world against the threat of global climate change;
Rebuild our military capability by increasing the number of soldiers, marines, and special forces troops, and insist on adequate training and time off between deployments;
Renew American diplomacy by talking to our adversaries as well as our friends; increasing the size of the Foreign Service and the Peace Corps; and creating an America's Voice Corps.
Please take a minute to show your support for this plan:
http://my.barackobama.com/page/m/f16eeee7695e8268/L0D1Fw/VEsD/
We are at a defining moment in our history.
This must be the election when America comes together behind a common purpose on behalf of our security and our values.
That is what we do as Americans. It's how we founded a republic based on freedom, and faced down fascism. It's how we defended democracy through a Cold War, and shined a light of hope bright enough to be seen in the darkest corners of the world.
When America leads with principle and pragmatism, hope can triumph over fear. It is time, once again, for America to lead.
Thank you,
Barack Obama

No good deed goes unpunished...

2008-03-19T14:31:00.004-04:00

So, last night I got home from work and went to get my mail. On my way back up to my apartment, I stopped at my new neighbor's door to introduce myself and say hi, if you ever need a cup of sugar, you know where I live. (They moved in a week or so ago.) He answered his door, I gave my little speech but replaced "cup o sugar" with "if my music is ever too loud, feel free to let me know", seeing as how he isn't that cute. He said his name is Chris and thanks, good to meet you, yadda yadda, yadda.
I'm now sitting upstairs with my elastic waist pants on, eating cold mac-n-cheese from last night (gross I know, but I love it)and getting ready for Jeopardy when, all of a sudden, there is a knock at the door. I answer it and surprise! it's Chris. He says, "Sorry for bugging you but I have a weird question for you... does your car ever smell like cat pee when you park it in the garage?" "No", I say, "but I think there is a cat who hangs around there because I've seen paw prints on the hood of my car. That's weird though." He agrees, it gets awkward and I say "Ooookay, so good to meet you." He's like "Yeah" loiter, loiter, loiter... and finally I'm like "Ok so maybe we can grab a drink sometime or something." Well, he loves that idea and says "Great!" and gives me his #. I give him mine. Hey, Jeopardy is starting and I'm missing it because of this moron. I would have given him 5 bucks to go away.
Ok, so I settle back into my niche on the couch and then, oh good, my phone tells me that I have a text message. Guess who? Oh good, it's Chris because you know, it's been SO long since we last spoke. He apologizes if the second meeting was awkward and I say nope, not for me. End. Period. Then he tells me not once but twice that he thinks I'm cute. I start to get nervous right around this time. Then the texting doesn't stop until (which is weird because I'm answering closed-ended very time), and I'm serious, 9:54 pm. I ignore like the last 2 message and go to bed.
I woke up this morning and was getting ready to walk out the door and I happened to glance down at my phone, oh that's right. He texted me this morning at 7:54 to say "have a good day :). Few things annoy me less than men who use the "smiley". I hate it. He's not getting off to a good start here... right dude, the LAST thing that I want to do is get a drink with some freak who texts me before I even have time to put his # in my phone. Dream on, boner, dream on!

The Day for Stupid Articles on MSN.com

2008-03-11T19:55:00.003-04:00

Here are 2 more:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/23578747 - Hazing is Prevalent in Colleges
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/23579662 - 17% of 6th Graders have Tried Alcohol

Article 1: According to the researchers, we'll refer to them as Butch and Butcher (their picture was on the U. of Maine homepage, and I really did go look), hazing is prevalent on college campuses. Of course hazing, according to Butch and Butcher, hazing is anything that includes: atendance at a skit or roast where team members are humiliated; wearing clothing that is embarrassing; being yelled, screamed, or cursed at; acting as a personal servant; enduring harsh weather; drinking large amounts of a non-alcoholic beverage; drinking a large amount of alcohol to the point of passing out or getting sick; and watching live sex acts. Finally, their 'huge' surprising conclusion was that 9 of 10 people that reported experiencing one or more of these activities said they didn't feel like it was hazing. Butch and Butcher like to think that these results show that hazing is widespread and a serious concern that all universities should be concerned with. Moreover, they think that stricter laws and rules be implemented to combat this horrible act. Perhaps, if they would have put away their femi-nazi agendas and stopped to consider their results for a moment, they would realize that 9 out of 10 people didn't consider these activities to be hazing because they were, dare I say, having fun!! Obviously, some hazing does go too far, but singing and chanting... wearing embarrassing clothing... playing drinking games... It's college, and just because you spent your 4 years trying to come to grips with the fact that you like eating Snizz and getting fisted by a chick that looks like a dude, does not mean that the rest of the world is not allowed to experience anything 'fun' in college. Furthermore, people join a fraternity, sorority, sports team, club, etc. so they feel like a part of something. It is a proven psychological fact that things mean more when people have to work for them. When people go out to join these groups, most go in assuming that they will have to work in some way to get accepted. Those that don't are just naive. I guess what I'm trying to say is: Yes, hazing in which people die is something we should be concerned about but to define hazing to include singing, wearing clothes, having to associate with specific people as hazing is insane. The last time I checked no one died from singing or chanting in public, no one died from wearing embarrassing clothes, and no one died from hanging out with specific people. Articles like this really make me wonder just how many lines of research are started to find an answer to why bad things happen to certain people. Like the article I wrote about in which a researched found that teenage girls that hangout with boys are more likely to drink. Could this research simply exist because Butch and Butcher were embarrassed or made to feel bad in college and now they have some vendetta against anyone else feeling this way. Just because you had a poor experience in college doesn't mean you should ruin it for everyone else!! It's like if I were in a car accident and now I want to ban everyone from driving. People die in car accidents all the time, in fact the likelihood of dying in a car accident is much higher than dying from a hazing incident, does this mean we should work to ban driving? Maybe I should make that a dissertation topic.

Article 2: Read the article, a study that claims 17% of 6th graders have tried alcohol is trying to convince people that alcohol education should take place in elementary school. There are 3 issues I have with this article:

The sample is 4000 6th graders in Chicago, IL. I understand that most research studies are based on samples of college freshman and these are generalized to a larger population, however, 6th grade in 1 city is a little hard to generalize to all middle schoolers. My point is that college freshman from around the world is a much more homogenous group than 6th graders from around the world. Especially when the sample is from middle schools in a very large urban area. What about middle schoolers in rural areas? The south? All I'm saying is, it is a stretch to survey 4000 6th graders in 1 of the largest cities in the world and try to generalize it to all middle schoolers everywhere.
The key term here is 'tried'. 'Tried'... at this point take A.I. rant about practice but replace 'practice' with 'tried'. Growing up, how many peoples' parents let them have a sip of their wine or beer. Better yet, how many people had that little thimble of wine at church? 'Tried' constitutes a sip or a taste. For all we know, they tried alcohol with their parent. Once again, trying to make a huge conclusion from a relatively meaningless result... something researchers do all the time to try and make a name for themselves.
Introduce alcohol education in elementary school... I think that the older we get the more we forget how we thought as children or maybe these researchers don't have children or have little experience with children because from my experience, the more you tell a kid to not do something that millions of adults do, the more inclined they will be to want to try it. When I was in elementary school, alcohol was just something Dad drank. I spent as much time thinking about alcohol as I did thinking about a 401k. By introducing the idea of alcohol and that it's something kids should avoid, the more they will think about it and the more they think about it, the more likely they will be tempted to try it.

Here's a fascinating idea, don't introduce alcohol education classes to elementary students and don't try to create a big conclusion from a small sample, and more importantly a small sip. Instead, go home to your kids and be a mailto:F@$%5E&ing PARENT!!!!! It shouldn't be up to a 5th grade teacher to educate your son or daughter on why alcohol is bad, but it is your responsibility as a parent to know what the eff your kid is doing and be involved in their life. Middle schoolers can't drive and they can't hold jobs, so where and how are they acquiring alcohol? That is the question we should be answering. If more parents parented instead of point a finger at everyone and everything besides themselves for their kids' behavior, perhaps all these kids might grow up with some commonsense and be able to make good, informed decisions.

A day in the life of...

2008-03-11T15:58:00.006-04:00

Bryan: new blog post
me: with emma?
Bryan: nope new one just posted
me: k
about what?\
Bryan: 1 in 4 teenage girls have an std, according to a 'new' study
from data in 2003
based on 838 girls
me: and the boys who gave them those stds?
Bryan: exactly
no mention
just read it
me: of course... i hate things. this is part of the reason i'm so jaded. no one takes fucking responsibility for anything! i blame society. this is why i can't handle things like this, porn, prostitution, etc. it literally makes me ill or irrationally angry to the point where it consumes me
and sorta makes me hate men. who wrote the article?
Bryan: simma down now
woman
me: i can't
i was thinking a lot about sex and sex related shit over the weekend and it really frustrates me. a lot.
who wrote it? a woman?
Bryan: the study was by a woman
article is just AP
me: how convenient.
Bryan: ok added a followup to it
me: fine
me: you know i can't read things like that. it'll ruin my day even more so than just knowing it's out there
Bryan: lol
orry
sorry
me: why is that funny?
rama and i are striking
Bryan: how much anger is in that little body of yours
me: because gas is 3.49
me: a lot... i mean, maybe you don't get it because you don't have a vagina but it's maddening. really, it is. and it's not the same for women. believe me, i'm not saying that we're all angels or anything but we in general we don't wanna pay for sex, oral or otherwise. and male strip clubs aren't that popular because again women don't wanna pay for it.
me: i don't have any real attachment to sex and maybe that's my own problem or lack of problem but i mean, think about this: what if your daughter or best friend or someone you really cared about starting stripping or putting out for money. how horrible? and then to have a man watch while you have sex or whatever with another man/ woman/ donkey, egging it on.... it's just unfathomable to me. Remember the scene is Requiem for a dream? And of course you can agrue that drug addicts will sell their soul for a fix and maybe that's true but they are still people.
Bryan: yeah, i agree for the most part
but i'm not sure i blame the person doing it as much as the person egging it on (paying money for it)
also keep in mind that most of the peopel that do it are screwed up to begin with
Bryan: i don't know if it's right to chastise all strippers, porn stars, etc.
they make really really good money, typically
me: they are basically one in the same, let's be honest here. if you're gonna pay for it, you're probably gonna egg it on and visa versa. i
so what
so do hitmen
Bryan: slow down your typing
me: what? why?
Bryan: "so do hit men"
??
me: yeah, make good money
they make good money
Bryan: oh got it
me: riiiight
Bryan: i don't know if you can generalize without knowing circumstance
belive me, i am the last person to say this
me: oh god... stop
Bryan: but i'm trying out this new thing sarah introduced me to called empathy
me: you do this everytime we talk about anything
and it's annoying
Bryan: so i should agree with you?
me: and my face is getting red and i'm sweating
Bryan: seriously, i think you're generalizing, maybe i'm missing the point of your argument which is very likely
me: you can agree disagree whatever but we are talking in glittering generalities here... that's all we have to go on
Bryan: but it seems like you're chastising strippers
me: do you know any strippers/ prostitutes that we can call and interview?
Bryan: no, but just because they take their clothes off for money makes them bad people?
me: when did i ever say anyone was a "bad person"?
like i said i blame society
Bryan: so are you just arguiong that the idea of it annoys you?
ahhhh
me: really and truely
Bryan: yeah, can agree with that
me: what?
Bryan: society as a whole is pretty sick
me: the idea of what?
me: whew!!!
rama says that you have to stop talking about things like this with me
me: there can be no supplier without a consumer and visa versa, i guess.
ok, i'm done. it's making me nuts!
me: also, i did in fact read the blog. Well done sir! Good form! Insightful and well written.
Bryan: thanks
assumptions and expectations... only lead to disappointment
i always questioned brad's theory on underpromising and overachieving but i'm seeing more and more merit in it.
me: i can understand the reasoning behind it but that's such a depressing outlook.
Bryan: no one ever gets in trouble for overachieving goals
but when people set too high of expectations or goals or people assume people will or are capable of something and they don't measure up, someone always gets hurt, upset, disappointed
so if you set your goals a step below what you know you can achieve then you can do nothing but overachieve
me: like i said, i understand the mechanics and the reasoning but still...
depresssing
Bryan: agreed
it's more of a CYA kinda-thing
Bryan: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/23576671
wow, who are we to criticize someone's human rights record, when our pres. just vetoed a bill to ban waterboarding?
me: college young adult, cat yoke applesauce, co-ed you ass?
what is waterboarding?
as long as it's not wakeboarding, we're clear.
Bryan: wow and by torcher i mean torchor
on a happier note
guess what I'm getting after work!!
me: i'm so confused... talking about torches and a made up word and i have no idea what you're getting.
Bryan: waterboarding - where they strap a person onto a board and just drop water on their head until they talk
August Rush on blu-ray
me: i figured that out but wtf does torchor mean?
Bryan: dude i can't spell
i barely passed my verbal GRE
give me a break
jerk
me: i still don't know what you were going for... torture?
Bryan: heyyyy there yuou go
man i suck
how did i graduate anything
i'm a failure
me: well, I'm SO over this day.
Elliot is too and he said that he already smoked 1000 cigs AND ate a bacon-nator. you know it's a bad day when both of those things happen.
Bryan: wow i didn't know people actually ordered and ate those
me: i'm not gonna do either even though i want too
oh yeah
Bryan: Seriously though
august rush came out today
and no country for old men
man i just volunteered to come into work for an hour and a half on saturday
Bryan: dude the more i read articles on MSN the more annoyed i get
some writer wrote that prince harry should have stayed in afgahnistan
and that his deployment was a strict PR stunt
thoughts?
me: That's why there was a media embargo on that fact? i mean, it couldn't have been a PR stunt... the Australian mag that 1st broke the news didn't know about the embargo. What were they suppose to be promoting? war?
silly, silly, ignorant people.
we should just post this convo as a blog
Bryan: do it
with the headline
"A day in the life of..."
Sent at 3:45 PM on Tuesday
me: ok
Sent at 3:49 PM on Tuesday

Research: Part 2

2008-03-11T13:07:00.005-04:00

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/23574940

1 in 4 teenage girls have an STD? While I don't find this statistic to be overly unbelievable, I do question it's validity. The study was based on 838 participants of a "nationally representative sample"... from 2003-2004. Maybe the research is like me and really slow when it comes to data analysis, but she was collecting survey data. How hard is it to analyze survey data? 4 years to analyze survey data? Something smells fishy and it's not the infected snizzes of the 838 participants. I love how news articles are published on these studies and only provide the "controversial" results. How were these girls selected for the survey? Is it from all over the nation or just given out at BGSU (Yeah, you all know what I'm getting at with that one... dirty, dirty school). For your study to hold weight or for an article to truly be important or worthwhile, publish some more information about the sample, and not just repeating the fact that 1 in 4 teenage girls have an STD. Also, where's the data on males? Why is it that studies keep popping up about teenage girls (see previous posts)? What about studies on teenage males? Could it be that these studies are mostly carried out and published to fulfill some alterior motive like promote abstinance or sell something like vaccines, medication, check-ups, etc.? How many parents are going to read this and freak out that their teenage daughter has an STD? I hate how this country uses "scare tactics" to get things done, and I hate even more how the general public falls for such things (Read: 9/11 and the Patriot Act/Iraq War)?

The point of all this... America has become lazy. We would rather take things at face value, than than try to research and learn the truth. More to come on this topic in a future post....

Follow-Up: I went to the CDC website (the agency 'responsible' for the study) and there's no mention of the study, no resource to be found, nothing. Yet somehow, it is a "Breaking News" study on MSN.com. Amazing.

2008-03-10T23:04:00.001-04:00

Photobucket Album

Vote!

2008-03-05T14:40:00.003-05:00

I think that it's really refreshing that young Americans are getting so into this election and man! what a race it's turned out to be, right? I didn't vote until last night at 7 and I had to drive across town to do it but it was something that I felt so strongly about and it was something that I REALLY wanted to do so it was worth it.
I, obviously, have my own opinions about who I would like to win this thing but I think as long as you go out and vote and make your voice count, then that's a great start. Let's face facts, we are dying for a change. We're almost borderline obsessed with it as a country! I think it's a wonderful thing and I hope that it happens.

Yes We Can - Barack Obama Music Video

2008-03-04T23:15:00.001-05:00

On Obama's "Unpatriotism"

2008-03-03T11:37:00.003-05:00

This is a comment to an article about the false chain email claiming Obama
didn't say the Pledge of Allegiance. It is a really well written response.
Please read:

After a little more research, one discovers that he did recite the pledge and that this wasn't some sort of ant-patriotic gesture at all; he just
merely didn't have his hand over his heart during the national anthem. Many
people do it without even thinking about it. I've done it. In fact, here's a
picture of Obama with his hand over his heart during the Star Spangled
Banner: http://graphics2.snopes.com/politics/graphics/anthem3.jpgMaybe
it was an accident.
Moreover, I think that people who compose emails like
this and distribute them around the web to spread like wildfire (God save
SoCal) should re-evaluate their attitudes and conceptions about patriotism
and what is good for our nation. In the age of 99-cent yellow-ribbon
magnetic stickers and other perfunctory excuses for patriotism, our people
need to wake up and stop supporting patriotism. They need to actually be
patriots. Standing with your hand over your heart during a song about a
battle doesn't excuse you from going to the polls or supporting measures to
provide veterans with the resources they need. Flag pins and traditional
gestures are political passivism, not political activism.
And another thing: So what if his name is Barack Hussein Obama? I didn't choose my name (not that there's anything wrong with it). The real issue here has nothing
to do with his name. The problem conservative Americans have with Obama is
that he isn't a middle-aged white man whose concerns lie in big business.
Also, Obama is not and never was a Muslim. This is an idiotic fallacy most
likely based on his name. His father was raised Muslim but is a pronounced
atheist, and Barack himself is a member of the Church of Christ.
No, no, the fact of the matter is that Barack Obama is a reasonable man of integrity
who is concerned with the health of our public school systems, the
protections of basic health care for those who could not otherwise afford
it, initiatives to break dependence on oil, preventing telecommunications
companies from censoring the internet and demanding a fee for content, and
demanding that the Paris Hiltons of America still pay their estate taxes.
So I challenge anyone to tell me why Barack Obama is such an awful
candidate for president without spewing some ill-informed rhetoric stained
with party loyalty dogma for once. Because quite frankly, Obama has my vote
before any of the current Republican candidates. Maybe it's a good idea to
vote for a candidate in the presidential elections for reasons other than
their political party.

Comments

2008-02-28T12:52:00.001-05:00

I fixed it so anyone and everyone can make a comment, so comment away!!

Happy Chinese New Year!!

2008-02-21T00:19:00.001-05:00

I know it's a little late, but I had to post it. Besides, I figured out how to upload pictures and text from my phone, directly to the blog.

Negate Murphy's Law

2008-02-19T17:07:00.003-05:00

Ok, so the last post I was working on was happy. It was all puppies and flowers... it was about how this past Valentine's Day was the best Valentine's Day that I've had in YEARS. Well, that all went down the toilet on Friday, the 15th. Yes, that's right, literally 24 after after I had written the aforementioned post.
So, let's get at it, shall we?
Friday I go over to the Galleria's house (the boy who I was seeing) and he and I and his roommate (who I am friends with from OU) are hanging out, drinking wine and then we go over to bar 851 and meet some more people out. Everything is lovely, everyone is having a good time and then we decide to go to another bar which we shall call Shovak's. Same deal, everyone having fun, the Galleria and I are playing pool and winning. Life is good. All of a sudden I get this "Can I talk to you?" from the Galleria and so I say "Of course you can."
So we go outside and we're standing in the freezing cold and he says to me,
"I have to be straight with you. Megan is coming home from GA and I know how you feel about her but that is where my heart lies. I'm sorry. I feel awful."
"You should feel awful" is what I come back with. I was furious at this point because we are still out with his friends and I can't leave because I didn't drive. "It's fine" I say. "I don't feel anyway about Megan Jones because I haven't talked to her in 10 years and she never crosses my mind. You should choose your choice and be done with it."
Well, then he goes into this stupid tangent about how he wants to still be friends and that it's not me, I'm great, it's just that he loves her. I said "We don't need to be friends. We weren't friends before this and I don't need you to be my friend after this. I already have lots of friends." And I turned around and walked inside. We left right after that because someone got sick and on the ride home, I texted John P. Balling.
Once I got home, I was still fuming and decided to make a cranberry and vodka but it tasted more like a vodka and vodka but whatever. It was doing exactly want I wanted it to. It got to be right around 2 and I still hadn't heard from Mr. Balling so I was ready to go pass out when, magically, the phone rang. It was him and I was happy. He was over in a flash and walked through the door and all my bad feelings went away. I was eating brie with my vodka and vodka and so he had some cheese and I made him a drink and the next thing I know, I wake up in my bed with him next to me. I go to survey the damage that had occured in the other room the night before and boy were there some interesting things I found. My glasses were in a wheel of brie, there was brie smashed into the couch, there were crackers all over the floor, there were clothes everywhere... it was quite a sight.
I grabbed the advil and climbed back into bed and asked Balling how he felt and he groaned so I gave him some meds. We slept til noon. We showered and went to lunch and the rest is history.
The moral of the story here is: Moo 2007 has her good points. Sometimes yum-yucks can be the end of you but what a way to go!

Blank

2008-02-12T10:41:00.000-05:00

Feb. 12th

I'm so disillusioned with everything lately... my faith is waning. It's too bad really and unfortunate that I'm unable to pinpoint the cause of this feeling or why I keep feeling this way. I'm so tired of all of it. There's nothing in my life right now that's making me content, let alone happy. I've been toying with the idea of moving back to Spain. That was the last time I remember being happy, enjoying life. I know that memories are what you make them and of course I remember the not so great parts too (i.e. drying my hair with my heater, Jason the wicked minger Brit) but I loved being there, being part of the scenery there.
I'm so tired of the materialism which I too get caught up in when I'm here; it's really impossible not to. I'm so tired of the criticisms and judgments. I'm tired of the one night stands, and the wanting of things that I shouldn't want. I'm tired of the weather, of the melancholy that has become my life. I'm tired of feeling like I'm not living up to my potential. And I'm so tired of being tired of all this.
People are strange creatures and it's so hard to not be influenced by people, for better or worse. My sense of self is nonexistent. And that, my friends, is a scary thing. To not know yourself in ways that you use to isn't a pleasant feeling. The oddest part of this is that my outward attitude isn't all that awful. I find myself looking forward to things and laughing but I feel like I'm sorta just going through the motions, so that others aren't suspicious or accusing. Nothing is worse than having people in your life become suspicious of you and then just sitting back and waiting for you to prove them right. Realize please, that these are just my thoughts and maybe I shouldn't use this particular forum to express them but c'est la vie, no? And so I leave with this poem from the fabulous Pablo Neruda titled "Walking Around"...

It so happens I am sick of being a man.
And it happens that I walk into tailorshops and movie
houses
dried up, waterproof, like a swan made of felt
steering my way in a water of wombs and ashes.

The smell of barbershops makes me break into hoarse
sobs.
The only thing I want is to lie still like stones or wool.
The only thing I want is to see no more stores, no gardens,
no more goods, no spectacles, no elevators.

It so happens that I am sick of my feet and my nails
and my hair and my shadow.
It so happens I am sick of being a man.

Still it would be marvelous
to terrify a law clerk with a cut lily,
or kill a nun with a blow on the ear.
It would be great
to go through the streets with a green knife
letting out yells until I died of the cold.

I don't want to go on being a root in the dark,
insecure, stretched out, shivering with sleep,
going on down, into the moist guts of the earth,
taking in and thinking, eating every day.

I don't want so much misery.
I don't want to go on as a root and a tomb,
alone under the ground, a warehouse with corpses,
half frozen, dying of grief.

That's why Monday, when it sees me coming
with my convict face, blazes up like gasoline,
and it howls on its way like a wounded wheel,
and leaves tracks full of warm blood leading toward the
night.

And it pushes me into certain corners, into some moist
houses,
into hospitals where the bones fly out the window,
into shoeshops that smell like vinegar,
and certain streets hideous as cracks in the skin.

There are sulphur-colored birds, and hideous intestines
hanging over the doors of houses that I hate,
and there are false teeth forgotten in a coffeepot,
there are mirrors
that ought to have wept from shame and terror,
there are umbrellas everywhere, and venoms, and umbilical
cords.

I stroll along serenely, with my eyes, my shoes,
my rage, forgetting everything,
I walk by, going through office buildings and orthopedic
shops,
and courtyards with washing hanging from the line:
underwear, towels and shirts from which slow
dirty tears are falling.

Thank you's

2008-01-28T17:25:00.000-05:00

Thank you for all your effort.
Thank you for doing things for me just so you could hold them over my head in the future.
Thank you for being so unbelievably selfish. (Looks like you're following through on your New Year's Resolution after all.)
Thank you for pushing away the one person who would have defended you through it all.
Thank you for making me realize that I don't ever want to act like you.
Thank you for helping me to grow up.
Thank you for trying to ruin my 27th birthday.
Thank you for the goddamn cupcakes.
Thank you for getting mad at everyone because you ordered $50 worth of sushi.
Thank you for your irrationalities and lies.
Thanks for showing me how truly spoiled rotten only children can be.
Thanks for cheating yourself right out of my life.
Thank you for the memories.
Thanks for showing me that there is WAY more in life than owning a Louis Vuitton or two.
Thank you for proving everybody right.
Thank you for all that and for exiting my life without an ounce of grace.

A Letter to My Niece

2008-01-16T23:09:00.000-05:00

Dear Emma,

Even though you won't be able to read this for several years (even as advanced as we all ~~think~~ know you are), I wanted to just say thank you. Thank you for showing a family that was incapable of showing feelings or emotion, that it was okay to let someone know that you love them. Thank you for bringing a family that seemed to be slowly moving in their own separate directions, closer than ever. Thank you for bringing a smile to my face every time I see you. Thank you for making every bad day just a little bit better for everyone around you, with just the sound of your laugh. Thank you for bringing the joy and innocence back to Christmas. Most of all, thank you for showing someone who never was able to figure out what 'love' meant, the true meaning of love.

Before you were born, our family never shared our feelings with each other. It was always just assumed that we loved each other but it was never expressed in words or actions. When you were born, it was the first time I saw my dad (your Grandpa) cry. He didn't even cry when any of his own children were born, but when he saw you for the first time he cried. Not a day goes by that my mom (your Grandma), doesn't say how much she loves you. Until you, I never once heard the words "I love you" come out of either of my brothers' mouths (your dad and uncle). Yet with you, they say it every time they are around you. Your reach doesn't end there either. As my generation has gotten older, no one seems to have any time to visit each other much. When we were young your cousins in NY and Maryland would come out every summer, but over the past couple years everyone has school or work. However, since you've been born, they've all come out to see you. Family ties that were slowly deteriorating have become strong again because you were born.

As for me, I knew the second your Uncle Brandon called me to tell me that you were being born that I would be wrapped around your finger. The first time I saw you, you weren't even the size of a loaf of bread, yet the feelings and emotions I felt when I saw you were more than I had ever experienced. One thing you should know about your Uncle Bryan, is that he has always been intrigued by human nature and how we think and feel. However, as much as he tried to discover what it meant to love someone unconditionally, he was never able to figure it out--to feel it himself. Growing up in a family that just assumed we loved one another but hesitated to express it, it was difficult to define what it meant to "love" someone. Within the first week you were born, I suddenly realized what it meant to love. To love someone unconditionally, is to love them almost more than yourself. To become sick to your stomach just at the very thought of something bad happening to them. To know that you would do absolutely anything to protect them from harm's way. It is putting their well-being in front of your own. This is what I have come to realize is true, unconditional love. It is the greatest feeling in the world, and it is what makes life worth living. Never settle for anything less.

A friend recently claimed that childbirth is far from a miracle, that it is a foul and disgusting event. She obviously doesn't know just how much you have done for me and this family, just by being born. You are the closest thing to a miracle this family will ever experience. Thank you, Emma. Thank you for coming into all of our lives and filling our hearts with the love and joy that was always slightly missing.

Love,
Your Uncle Bryan

The Pseudo-Science of MSN.com

2008-01-07T13:40:00.000-05:00

Since the print media is all but dead, I, like most of my generation get my news from online sources such as MSN.com. For any of you unfamiliar with MSN, their homepage is typically littered with recent news articles ranging from world news to sports and entertainment. However, every so often they like to throw in some "groundbreaking" research study into the headlines. Typically, these "studies" are health related and tend to claim results that are basically meant to instill some type of fear in the general American public, so that we have something more to worry about other than our Caramel lattes and designer clothing.

For instance, a couple weeks ago there was an article that discussed a study that claimed findings that adolescent girls that hung out with male friends were more likely to drink alcoholic beverages. The study was done by a woman and failed to report whether or not there was also an increase in the likelihood for males to drink when in the company of females. If this truly were a scientific study they would report all of the results rather than just the results that suit their desire for a headline. I would venture to say that adolescents that hangout with members of the opposite sex are both more likely to drink more than those that only hangout with members of the same sex. Why didn't this article report that? Needless to say, at the end of the day, when I tried to find the article again, it was no where to be found on the MSN site. Hopefully, someone realized that it was a poorly written article on poorly run research. In my personal opinion I think it was an article written by some mom that wanted to find some excuse as to why her 16 year old daughter was a huge drunk slutbag.

Ok, now for today's article on how drinking games lead to high blood alcohol levels. Researchs at San Diego State University and Michigan went to college parties and gave people breathalizer tests. From their results, they found that people that played drinking games, attended theme parties, and/or attending a party with other drunk people were all positively correlated with a higher BAC. They also reported that they were surprised to find that "women drank more heavily than males at themed parties." First off, let me be the first to say, congratulations nerds you attempted to publish a story about alcohol to seem cool and fit in. Unfortunately, anyone that has ever drank and attended a party in college (on the basis of fun and not to do a pseudo-scientific study) could tell you that all of your findings are not earth shattering. People play drinking games to get drunker faster, this is not science. Really, people get drunker when people around them get drunker, holy shit!! This concept can be read about in any one of thousands of introduction to psychology text books. It's called peer pressure. You might also look under group think. As for the finding that girls drink more "heavily" than males at parties, there is no discussion about how this finding was measured. All the article says is that researchs surveyed party-goers and gave breathalyzers. If they came to this conclusion because girls "reported" their number of drinks, subtract 2-3 from the reported number and come back with your findings. If they came to this finding because girls recorded higher BACs, go back and redo your statistics to account for weight, size, and food intake. This study is called science, yet it fails to further this body of research. The researchers claim that this study is important because previous studies focused on individual consumption and recall... Great, you still didn't provide any information that over half of the American population didn't already know. Finally, they go on to say that they hope to enlarge the study to include bar settings... I'll save you the trouble, drinking games are not allowed in bars, people that go to bars in large groups will have a high BAC than the poor schmo that goes to the bar by himself, guys spend more money than girls at a bar but this does not correlate with the number of drinks each takes in because guys are stupid and we buy girls drinks. There, I just saved you thousands of dollars and hundreds of pointless hours.

In conclusion, my major problem with these studies, is their ultimate uselessness. It is pretty safe to say that thousands of dollars were spent on these studies, many hours were spent collecting and analyzing the data, and yet they provide no information that will help us in any way. What, are girls going to stop hanging out with boys so they are less likely to drink alcohol? Are people going to stop playing drinking games because they will have a high BAC? The answer to all of these questions is, NO. So why carry-out and publish studies like these that are useless. This is a general problem I have found with academic "science". Too often these studies are being carried out by graduate students and professors, who's idea of reality is sitting in their office on a friday night reading journal articles written by people exactly like them on topics exactly like they're studying. Social skills are a rare commodity in the graduate education level, which leads to a complete lack of real-world knowledge and experience. Is it any wonder that, on average, theoretical or basic research takes 7 years to be applied in a practical setting, if it's applied at all? Coming from someone who has been in the process of writing his thesis for the past 3 years, I should know just how useless this research is. Trust me, my thesis provides no useful contribution to the real-world and everyday life. Yet, when I finish it my colleagues will presumably praise it as a good piece of research. It is not. It's a piece of crap. In the end, all that comes about is research that is completely devoid of any common sense and usefullness. If you want to do something usefull, develop an alcohol that loosens everyone up and allows everyone to have a good time without time traveling, developing temporary Down's Syndrome, and generally making poor life decisions.

2008 is gonna be great!

2008-01-07T11:18:00.000-05:00

Ok, so now we are settling into a new year and I'm feeling extremely optimistic. My 2007 ended with a bang and 2008 came in a completely unexpected way. (God bless the city of Chicago!)
I feel like some changes are going to be made in my life... I think I was obsessed with living up to this reputation I have (or think I have) of being a crazy person. Well, after watching Britney Spears unravel (and No, I don't think that she and I are ANYTHING alike but still...) I decided that I was choosing choices that weren't necessarily making me happy or content or that were really positive in any possible way. It was reflected in my attitude and my going out habits and some others things that I chose to take part of. Enough is enough. Crap, I mean, I'm in my late 20's! I'll be 30 in 3 short years and it's time to act like it. Now, with that being said, I'm not going to become this schoolmarm and never go out or never drink or anything like that but (and I'm proud to report) I have been implementing the "Going Out Rules" and they're working! I was out for 3 nights in Chicago (well, technically 2 but who's counting?) and I was well behaved and had a BLAST! So, obviously it can be done and I do have at least a little self-control/ will power.
I'm also cutting my losses with certain people, actually just one person, which sorta stinks because I think the world of him but, alas, mama didn't raise no chump so I'm just getting go. I'm learning that people are they way they are, esp. at this stage of the game and no matter how much you care for someone and on whatever level it is that you do care for them, they are who they are and nothing you can say or do will change that. But thanks for the "o" faces and the "lessons". It was a wild ride. I wish you great things.
Now, as for me, someone new has waltzed into my little life and made me very happy. I realize that I've only known him for a week and things are moving at a fevered pace, but I'm satisfied and I feel like I'm in a good place. Very healthy, if you will. He's coming to visit and I'm nervous, excited and slightly hesitant but you gotta try, right?

So let's recap...

2008-01-03T16:36:00.000-05:00

NYE 2008 was my best New Year Eve's EVER!!!

Let me just give you a clue as to what I mean...

"Dude, go tire her out with your spastic movements."

"I mean, how can you trust your roommate if you don't know what his penis tastes like?"

"There's a drinking consultant AND a life coach!"

"AY oh, I'm tired of usin' technology."

"Wait, did you shower with Stulburg last year?"

"Blue!" "Dude, my name is Moo."

"The Lone Wolf speaks."

"Robbing boners."

"Let's get weird."

"I'll have a... you guys have small penises... #2."

"Why did you order AIDS?" "Because I am a huge asshole."

"Moo's a pretty good self promoter."

"Tell him Jake.............Mazursky is looking fer 'em."

"Happy New Year, Mother Fuckface."

The R of R, part II

2007-12-28T16:37:00.001-05:00

Ok, so Stoney's, the country bar was very entertaining. There were ALL kinds there. I mean, some dude with a MOhawk, one or two black folks and a bunch of wannabe rednecks. I felt right at home.

We started slinging back drinks and a $1 a piece, can you really blame me? Julie, the maid of honor who God bless her, looks like Ms. Munster + 300 lbs., told me that the owners of the bar were giving her and Jen a bull ride. Well, that did it. I was like, "Wait. There's a bull? I gotta ride it. Where is it? Wait. They don't like announce that people are gonna ride it do they? I gotta ride it.") After 3 vodka tonics and a few shots, I felt brave enough to dance... It was a hoot. I bit it once and then I rocked it as usual. Then it was time for el toro. Now, for some reason this has been something that I have been DYING to try for sometime. I'm not sure if it's because I think I'd be really good at it or if it's because it's a sure fire way to have everyone in the bar look at you... either way, it worked because I'm probably on youtube now. Anyway, I rode that mother like it was my job and the only reason that I had to jump off was because I broke a damn nail. It effin' hurt too. I worked that bull over. Golden Vag. Nuff said.

There were no lines for the bathroom at this bar either which really intrigued me. There was only one bathroom too. I wish we had that kinda of technology in Columbus. It would do wonders for Bar Louie.

The Relatives of Relatives

2007-12-26T09:32:00.000-05:00

God bless family. You can't pick them and they didn't pick you but you're stuck together for the long haul. Yesterday was Christmas day and my Mom and Dad and I drove down to, that's right, Gallapolooza on Christmas eve night... actually let me go back about one week.

My Mom and I hitched a ride on a jet plane last Thursday and headed out to Las Vegas for my cousin Jen's wedding. The flight was calm and relaxing and we had no problem meeting my uncle in the airport. The 3 of us went to breakfast once we landed because I was, as usual, starving. We went to IHOP and talked about my Grandma (Nan), their crazy mother. In this particular context, I am not loosely using the word "crazy". She's certifiable. Seriously. Everyone is out of the will every other week.

Once we made it back to the house, aka wedding headquarters, it was sheer and total chaos. My Aunt put my mom and I to work, son. Next thing I know, I'm freaking making Spinach and Artichoke dip and delicately arranging pecan tarts for the party that's starting in like 3 hours. Right. It was sweet.

Ok, so then the party started. It was basically a chance for the families of the bride and groom to hang out and get to know each other. Uh, I made a cameo, was harassed by my Aunt Mary's brother Bobby who was trying to fix me up with his son who was in Califorina. Whipping out photos and the whole 9 yards... If I wanted a solider/ cop* I'm pretty sure I could find one here in Columbus. No thanks.
(* Disclamer: Nothing wrong with either profession, I'm going strictly on stereotypes here. My blog, I do what I want.) My mom and I went upstairs to take a nap before the stripper was scheduled to come. Oh yes, the stripper... wait for it. Ok, so I slept for like an hour and a half and it was blissful. Jen came to wake me up so I could get ready because once the stripper was over, we were going out. To a country bar. Where they line dance. I was pumped and or scared pumped for this but what the hell? You only go around once.

The stripper was, uh, interesting. He had a weird little dance numba that he did and it was a little too N*Sync for me but the others seemed to enjoy it... I was ready to hit up Scores or the O.G. or even the White Rhino but no such luck. He offered us his "XXX Fire and Ice Show" for the hot price of $100 bucks. YEAH RIGHT DUDE! You're a freak. He was dismissed after he rendered his services and then the drama started...

The groom's mother, will call her Sandy, got w-w-w-wasted at the party and was slurring her words and herself all over the kitchen. She cornered Jen and told her not to tell Payton (the groom) that Jeanne (brace yourselves, this gets a little retarded... The bestman's wife who just turned 21 and had a baby. Good life choices!) saw the stripper. Her husband, Beaner, didn't want her to so therefore she shouldn't have done it. Whoops! She's in all the pics, living it up with a big dong in her face. Jen was like "Sike. I'm not starting off my marriage by lying to my husband, your son". Then my Aunt jumped in... she said knock it off and let's get the hell outta here and get drunk. So we did.

Part 2 coming soon.

My list of "going out rules"

2007-12-10T15:54:00.001-05:00

Ok, so remember when I wrote about maturing and growing as a person and all the crap? Well, I did good for a week and this past weekend I was ok but pulled two stunts that I shouldn't have and at the rate I'm going, well, I gots lots of bad ju-ju out there!

So, that leads me to my "Rules for Going out" meaning that if I want to go out I have to follow these. I also have a "Weekend list" and it is the opposite of this list (i.e. it's the reason I get into trouble on the weekends)... let's see if they negate themselves.

1) No sharking people. You (and by you, I mean me)are not allow to even think about doing this anymore. Bad, bad decision.
2) You can only hate drink if you have a DD and are with close friends. No hate drinking with strangers.
3) No beating up Brynn. This includes: pushing, shoving, pulling hair/clothing etc., Indian rug-burns, throwing objects, screaming mean things that you're just saying because Dick Navis is there... I think that about covers it.
4) No biting.
5) No barfing. (In my defense I've only refunded 3 times at a bar. Once in College, once in Chi-town and a few weeks ago Tailgating.)
6) No smoking. It ruins me.
7) If I'm drinking Patron, I gotta pace myself. It's the only way I can do it these days.
8) No knee-ing people in the junk.
9) No wandering off so people have to/ are able to watch me on surveillance cameras.

I'm sure there's more rules but this is a good start so we'll take it from here. I'll let you know how it goes this weekend. New year, new leaf, new life... A change gon come, nephew.

Karma

2007-12-07T08:55:00.000-05:00

Tell me why two people tried to fight me this week. Someone, please. Seriously.

Scenario 1: I was going to the Spoon concert with two of my girlfriends, Brynn and Tara. We had gone to dinner and arrived at the concert EARLY and started spotting faux celebs which is always fun and we were moving around trying to find the best local which happened to be on the side of the stairs, next to the railing. I jumped up on the railing and that was my perch for the next 3 hours. It really was a prime spot because not only could I sit but we got to see all the people that bit it on the steps. Priceless. So, Spoon was getting ready to come on when this lady and her boyfriend rushed over to the railing and she basically sat on my feet. (Now keep in mind that before the show they were standing in the middle of the stairs and completely blocking everyone's way. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I realize that Brynn and Tara were on the stairs as well but they were on the side and they're skinny so they weren't taking up any room.) Ok, I had NOT, I repeat NOT been drinking. I'm broke, I'm not proud of that but it's the truth so I wasn't drinking. Now, ok, so she sat on my feet and I politely tapped her on the shoulder and said "Excuse me. Um, excuse me." She ignored me. Well, we all know that I HATE being ignore so then it was game on! I nudged her, slightly softer than a shove but no where near a push, and she FREAKED out and said "DON'T FUCKING TOUCH ME!!" To which I responded "exCUSE ME?!?! What the fuck is YOUR problem? You are sitting on my feet and I just wanted to move them. That's it you bitch." Then she tried to push me off the railing and said "You're not supposed to be up there" and I was like "Whoa. I will fucking spit on you if you don't fucking turn around and stop talking." Then I looked at her boyfriend, who looked terrified, and asked if he would switch spots with her and the random girl next to me (who, btw, kept eye-fucking me all night) goes, "Wait, I don't want her in front of me either!" Then the crazy lady who is called Tiffany (fab. name you stupid whore.) turned around AGAIN and said "Listen, I'm not even that mad..." and I cut her off and said "No. NO. We are NOT friends. I have nothing to say to you and don't give a shit what you have to say to me, so shut up and turn the fuck around." The adrenaline was surging through my body and it was all I could do to not kick her in her nappy head with my booted foot but I had on big hoops on and realized that was the 1st thing she would go for and since I was stone sober, it woulda hurt. Bad. So I decided not to do anything. Meanwhile Brynn had gone to get security. It was pretty funny. So Spoon comes out and the crazy psycho hose beast and her wimpy bf went to the front and we all cheered and clapped and whistled as they walked away. And Spoon was sweet. We all rocked out. The end.

Scenario 2: I was grocery shopping the next night at my local Giant Eagle and was searching, scouring even, for the last thing on my list which happened to be barley. I went to ask the "apple dude" (we'll call him Fuji) if he might know where the barley was and he said "Hmmm. Let me go ask." So I followed him to the front of the store where he asked a co-worker and then this short angry little man (we'll call him Guido) said "Well, it's a pasta so it'd be with the pasta." And I said "Actually it's not a pasta, I believe it's a grain." Well, Guido did NOT like that answer and said "I think I know what barley is. I cook with it everyDAY." I said "Congratulations!" as I walked away with Fuj in search of the elusive grain. NOT pasta. Then Guido shouts back "Come down to the restaurant and I'll cook you some barley!" Really? Really, Guido? Shut up. No one was talking to you in the first place. I wanted to say "Oh, so do you make your own beer with your pasta barley and hops? You stupid dum dum." What kind of Chef doesn't know what barley is? GEEZ! Obviously in this story I was sober as well and although I have never been drunk grocery shopping, it's not out of the realm of possibilities but it didn't happen in this story.

Moral: Karma has my number. He came a-knocking and made his point. I get it. I'm trying to change my evil ways and no longer am I the devil in disguise. At least I don't think I am...

Thoughts

2007-11-26T12:28:00.000-05:00

Ok, so here I sit on the brink of 27-ness with lots of thoughts flying thru my head. I had lots of time to think over the holiday weekend so I took advantage of the opportunity and came up with this...

- I need to do some growing up. This is not the first time I have had this realization but it is the first time that it has hit me this hard. I mean, I have made leaps and bounds from where I was a year ago but still... there's SO much room left for improvement and really, isn't there always? I think one can always improve themself because if not, we'd all be Buddha or David Beckham or Angelina.
- I wish I could date myself. I realize that a lot of my current behavior (or all of it) is brought on by 1 of 2 things: alcohol and boys SO if I could date myself that would eliminate half of the problem. Think about it... I think I'm good looking, funny, smart, etc. It's perfect. I like all the same things that I like, I don't want kids and neither does myself. I never don't call. I can satisfy myself. It's a shame I can't make it happen.
- I am a mean person. Really mean. I can't say that I have any regrets... well, in hindsight, maybe one but that's it and no I won't be sharing that with you. No one and I mean NO ONE knows about it and it's SO much better than way. Ok, now actually, yes I am mean but I think I've bought into the "idea" that I'm mean. I wasn't always this way but in my old age I've discovered that I've become a raging bitch. It's got to stop. I'm outta control aaaaand I digress...
- Cat vomit is disgusting.
- Drunk driving is never good and it WILL catch up with you.
- Gas and food should be free.
- I can't believe how much cash flow I've spent over the past four days and it's amazing how Target can make a bad day a great day. Seriously, it's like my porn or something. (Actually, websites like PerezHilton or Pinkisthenewblog are women's version of porn... whole nother blog.)
Let's hope that with the end of the year rapidly approaching, changes will be made. Skin will be toughened, hearts will heal, forgiveness will be easily given and things will become slightly more clear for me.

palabras...

2007-11-19T14:00:00.000-05:00

hours too slow and minutes too fast
always apologizing for the same mistakes
it happens all too often and i can't make you see that it has nothing to do with you
i falter daily without realizing that it's my routine
falling from grace without a memory or a thought
uncomplicated from the blow and coming undone
but full of promise and rising to the occasion that is ever chasing me
a quiet numbness breathes life into my hurt and solidifies my aching
you elude my advances and cheat me out of my bad habits
they all lead me back to where i started
and it's no good but it's everything i know
seeking comfort in the familiar even though it feeds the beautiful mess that i've made
tangled up in the in between and the inside out
never letting on that it's you i miss

Something to think about...

2007-11-06T11:10:00.001-05:00

Would you rather have a three-way with Scarlett Johansson and Samuel Alito OR Jenna Jameson and WWE's Batista?

The Golden Vagina, part III

2007-10-29T16:31:00.000-04:00

About 6 months ago the Golden Vagina took a trip to Las Vegas, that's right, Sin City itself. I know what you're thinking and you're probably right. The G.V. was at a cabana party at the Rock Hard which was incredible. She was enjoying the company and the free vodka when WHAM! she sensed a very good looking man scoping her out. Normally, the G.V. isn't shy, modest or demure but this man was so attractive that it made her nervous. He came over to talk to her and then she and her friends were whisked off by a friend who was in charge of the free vodka. Priorities folks, priorities. Later on that evening, the hot man, (we'll call him Paul Revere) found the G.V. and they hit it off. (Interpret that how you will, please). Paul and the G.V. still talk and they are on good terms. He actually is coming to visit her in about 2 weeks.

Present day: The G.V. just recently got out of her first relationship since The Ray. (We shall call this one Weed Pony.) The Weed Pony was and still is a good shit but unfortunately, he wants baby ponies but can't go to work 5 days in a row for 2 weeks, hangs out at strip clubs and can't get past his love for the "high". (I don't see baby ponies in his future anytime soon. Unless some lucky 19 year old from the Hungry Intellect gets knocked up by the Weed Pony.) The G.V. misses the Weed Pony, in spite of his faults but she also isn't sure if the Weed Pony is to be trusted. (The G.V. went to college with many Weed Ponies and became great friends with them, but now that the G.V. is more mature, she realizes that Weed Ponies... well, it's all relative.)

She was re-released into the wild last Friday... nothing to update you on up to this point so just chill til the next episode. Peace fools.

The Return of the G.V.

2007-10-29T16:30:00.000-04:00

Years and years past and the Golden Vagina (and the girl who was attached to her) had all but given up hope but then the Ka-nerd rode in on his jeep wrangler and with much patience and persistence, won the heart and the loins of the G.V. They had many memorable, uh, memories together but then one day the Ka-nerd went to law school and neglected the G.V. A well known fact about the Golden Vagina is that she hates, detests even, being ignored and frankly, my dears, she won't put up with it. She cut her losses and set off to find another knight with a bigger, ahem, jousting stick.

They met one wintry night at the Cat's Eye, which normally the G.V. would never be caught dead in, but she needed to feel pretty and was always, without a doubt, the prettiest girl in said bar. Right then. So the G.V. was out and looking to get effed up. She was taking Jell-O shots (made with moonshine) from her own boobs, taking shots of Jack and generally just trying to wreck her body as fast as humanly possible. She looked over and much to her dismay someone on ESPN had the audacity to talk about the Yankees and ruin the buzz (yeah, you're right. We're WAY past buzzed here) she had been working so hard to achieve and then... there he was. He walked over and said something to the effect of "So, you like baseball, huh?" He was beautiful. He had dark hair and eyes and a mouth and ears and was wearing clothes. He was perfect, so perfect in fact that the G.V. had no idea he was trying to talk to her and asked "huhmhp. Yooou tallkin' ta meh?" And he said "Yes, or trying to anyway." Well, that did it. The G.V. had found Mr.Right Now and was ready to go. She grabbed his hand, said "peace out bitches" to her friends and headed to the Pub. No idea what happened there... beer, shots, making out. Your guess is as good as hers. Fast forward to later that night.... Toxic was on the radio back at the abode of one of G.V. friends and the since the Golden Vagina likes a good striptease, she went to work. Then The Ray went to work. He did work, son. And then, the sun came up. They walked down the street together, her to go home and freshen up and go to a wedding shower and him to go pass out at his friends house (he was in from out of town). They exchanged numbers and said "Adieu". A week or so later, The Ray called. That's right, he called. And the G.V. and the Ray were together for over a year. They were madly in love. It was good. Then it ended. No details need to be rehashed. It didn't end amicably. Right, let's just say that.

In her heartbreak, the G.V. felt that she needed to relocate, so off to Espana she went. It was an amazing year. One of her favorites, to be honest. And what happens in Spain, stays in Spain. It's similar to Vegas that way, but it has less laws. (And more nekked people. So it's like Galapalooza too!) She came back after her tour of "duty" and remained single for about 7 months. She also received her very first vibrator which helped her to stay single. (If you don't have one, get one! The silver bullet is a "yes" man in a no world, if you know what I mean.) SIDE NOTE: Now, men can sense how powerful the G.V. is and it slowly starts to consume them and eventually drive them mad. When the G.V. denies you, don't fight it, embrace it. You are not the chosen one. It's nothing that can be changed. It's just not meant to be. It happens to a lot of guys.

Upon her return to the United States, she realized how much she missed American men. (Ladies, let me tell you, they are a rare breed. For better or worse.) She forgot that men don't have mullets or wear pointy dress shoes all the time or pants tighter than hers. She got tangled up with a wrestler and and later with Physical Therapist who couldn't contain himself around the G.V. She had to stop returning his calls and cut him out all together. As for the wrestler, they are friends. Not in the Biblical sense either.

The Golden Vagina

2007-10-29T16:29:00.000-04:00

Gather around kiddies while I tell you the tale of the Golden Vagina. Have you ever heard of this fabled creature? Is it an urban myth, a legend? Oh no, I assure you, it is a very real thing and can be very dangerous if it's powers fall into the wrong, um, hands.

There once was a young girl who grew up in a ville, in the suburbs. She was a smart, funny, well liked girl and innocent. She was what you might call a late bloomer and she was kissed for the first time well after the majority of the girls her age. She was 16. She was kissed by the boy of her dreams (who turned out to be a evil man who was banished to the east coast years after their break-up) and it was perfect. After that, well, things got a little crazy. She threw her virginity at him (no, she didn't lose it like her car keys.) and he caught it. Nothing but net. Things continued on smoothly until the summer before freshmen year of College. The lovely couple called it quits seeing as how he was going to be in Virginia for the next four years and she would be in Athens, Ohio (aka Disney World for alcoholics. Interestingly enough, this girl didn't know she was an alcoholic till she went to school there.) So, from there the golden vagina only got stronger and the reason for this, well, there's really only one reason: masturbation. Lots and lots of masturbation. None of it mutual, I might add.

Then the Chapa happened. And boy did he happen. The Chapa is an enigma really. He's good looking, but not Zoolander good looking, and he is smooth operator. I mean, smooth. He could charm the chastity belt off Mother Theresa. They had a relationship of sorts and then they decided, eh, we've done all the damage we can do to each other. Then the Chapa robbed the Golden Vagina of her sex drive. It was awful. He took that sex drive, put it in a jar and kept it on a shelf, in his bedroom. He had it for a long time. A loooooooooong time.

Intro: Golden Vagina 101

2007-10-26T16:35:00.000-04:00

For those of you who are not familiar with the Golden Vagina, let me introduce her. I have only met one my entire life, as they are a dying breed. (Similar to the Unicorn, but different.)

She is mean, soft, can be hateful, can be sweet. She knows what she wants and usually gets it. She is smart and witty and cutting, but not in the literal sense. She is a force to be reckoned with and she has been known to turn one night stands into years long relationships. (Many times the mind, soul, etc. of the human attached to the G.V. is a victim herself. Esp. when intoxicated. The girl is powerless.)

Consider yourselves warned.

Top 10

2007-10-25T15:47:00.001-04:00

Top 10 Reasons Moo should give for breaking up:
10) You just can’t give me what I’m looking for
9) Let’s be honest you and I both know you aren’t good enough for me
8) All this was, was a summer fling. I should have done this weeks ago.
7) You are too immature for me
6) You have a stupid car
5) You know how you said you don’t know me that well… well I’m in the Reserves and I’m being shipped to Iran tomorrow
4) Awwww, you thought we were really dating? That’s cute.
3) Its not me, its you.
2) You’re only a 4 and I can only seriously date a minimum of a 7
1) I finally got to the store and picked up some batteries, so I don’t really need you anymore.

The Ridiculousness of Radio

2007-10-11T16:40:00.000-04:00

Since my car is in the shop, I have been driving my parents' car around the past couple days. In my car I have the Harman-Kardon Drive+Play so I can listen to my Ipod while I drive. As a side note, this is an amazing device and I recommend it to anyone with an ipod. Okay, my parents' car does not have an ipod adapter and I have not bought or made a cd in over 3 years, so I have been forced to listen to the radio, not satellite radio but good old fashion radio. After 2 days of this unbearable torture, I have one question: WHY WOULD ANYONE CHOOSE TO LISTEN TO THIS GOD FORESAKEN TECHNOLOGY THAT SHOULD BE EXTINCT BY NOW??!!

Although many of my complaints may be a result of my location, here they are anyway:

Commercials, commercials, commercials!! Not only do I find radio commecials incredibly annoying. Furthermore, has anyone really ever been listening to the radio, heard a product commecial, and thought to themself, "Holy shit, I have to go out and buy that!" Seriously, what company in their right mind would think they should participate in radio advertising? With the inception of the ipod and satellite radio the audience is much smaller and less diverse. I suggest that the only products that should be advertised on radio are products geared towards the elderly and soon-to-be-deceased. This also brings up my issue with "commercial-free"satellite radio. Bullshit. It is not commercial-free when every 3 songs you advertise for satellite radio. Fix it!
I hate it when you can scan through 10 stations and there is a commercial playing on every station. This happens all the time and it pisses me off.
This one may be a result of the stupid midwest city I live in, but if I hear another Nickelback or Hinder song playing on more than one station at a time, I'm going to drive my car into oncoming traffic. It really makes no sense to me why a radio station would choose to play this 13 year old girly rock on their station. Radio stations function because of advertising revenue and, the last time I checked, 13 year old girls do not possess a lot of buying power. Therefore, they are not a target audience of your advertisers so why would you choose to play this crap?...
... and the answer is... because most, if not all, radio DJs have the mental capacity and mindset of a 13 year old girl who just found big brother's stash of meth. The worst perpetrators of this fact, morning radio show hosts. Maybe some people like peppiness when they wake up and maybe it helps them to wake up a little faster, but I'm going to guess that this overacted peppiness and energy makes a majority of the human race want to jerk the steering wheel right into a giant tree. It's unnecessary, your jokes aren't funny, your 'Jackass' type stunts aren't funny unless I can see you writhing in physical pain, your guests want to be sitting there talking to your dumb ass as much as you want to accept the fact that you are one step away from being mentally retarded, and I don't have a football game tonight so quit trying to act like a F#$%ing cheerleader at a pep rally!! You are 30 years old, grow up, put on a suit, and get a big-boy job!
My ipod does not cut out with static and I don't have to go find a new ipod with music I like because I drive through a tunnel.

These are just some of my complaints towards the ancient technology known as radio. I'm sure I have plenty more to write about but I have to go pick up my car from the shop because I choose to not be a victim of radio anymore! Seriously people, go out, spend a couple hundred on an ipod and a car adapter. I promise you, you will not be disappointed. You get to listen to what you want when you want, there are no commercials, there are no speed-addicted jackasses trying to hype you up in the morning, and you never have to search for another station.

The Good Life: the 26th Birthday Story

2007-09-17T19:56:00.000-04:00

To sum up my birthday, three things were confirmed:

My life is good, I am lucky, I am blessed... whatever you want to call it or label it, good things happen to bad people.

I surround myself with people who make my life entertaining, otherwise it would be quite boring.

I need a new key chain.

I guess the celebration started a little early because what started out as happy hour on Friday turned into a night of random drunkenness. Me, Annie Oakley, Pirate Jenny, and Principal McGee started the night at Frog, Bear with half-priced Stellas. After about 3 rounds of these, I moved to the staple (Patron on the rocks). We move the party to the Patio, where the real randomness begins. K-Rock is bartending and I continue with Patron (I really need to come up with a name for this). We go inside and Annie gets directed to a table of guys, who turn out to be guys I went to Miami with and/or played hockey with. We drink with them. Then people from work show up and I drink with them. Then Uni-1 shows up with some of her old softball friends. We drink at the Patio for a while, drinking shots, beers, etc. Finally, Annie and McGee want to go home. I'm in the zone, so I don't want to go home yet. Pirate Jenny and I end up going with Uni-1 to the Polo Club. By this point I'm a lot drunker than I allow myself to believe. All I remember from the car ride there was that I felt ill. We get to the Polo Club and I immediately vomit upon exiting the car. At the Polo Club, I drank water so I could drive home. Friday night ends. A fun night that was pseudo-reminiscent of my 21st birthday in which I ran into everyone and their mother and got retarded-drunk.

Saturday starts with multiple phone calls between 10 and 11 wishing me happy birthday but I'm way to hungover to move or try to answer my phone so I let them all go to voicemail. Thank you to whoever called. Pirate Jenny and I wake up around 12 but continue to wallow in hangover for 2 more hours. Finally, we begin to move and make are way to Cincy. We get to Cincy around 4:30 even though we had planned to be at the casino by 4. Oh well, if you know me then you should know I'm probably going to be late. We get to the casino around 6:30 and I immediately go down $150 in blackjack so the night isn't looking to good, but let's be honest I'm Bryan and this is my life. I find my brother at the roulette table so I sit down next to him and get $50 in chips. Again I go down and I'm down to my last $15 and I put it all on red. Boom, it hits and then I go on a streak. B-Rad, Jose, and K-Fed finally make it to the casino, we say hi, and they go to the craps table. At about 10 everyone is up and ready to cash out, keep in mind this is about 3 hours after we had planned on leaving but you can't mess with a good streak. We leave for the hotel, check in real fast, drop our stuff off, and leave. Somewhere between the casino and the hotel, Jose gets a phone call and is put into a mood. He doesn't make it out. The rest of us go to Hoffbrahaus, where we consume large steins of beer and glasses of liquor. We close down the bar. Back at the hotel, K-Fed informs B-Rad that Moo's friend was "talking shit" so he goes into drunk fight mode. They yell and push but K-Fed and I convince B-Rad to go to White Castle with us because for some reason a Crave case sounds amazing at 4am. For some reason it took 45 minutes to get 30 hamburgers but we get back to the hotel. Moo and her friend are leaving. B-Rad has calmed down by this point and tries to apologize but Moo's friend won't have it. Drama ends when they leave. Everyone passes out and I proceed to try and 'finish off' my birthday in the smallest shower known to man, doesn't happen.

Ok, so how did this mess all amount to 3 confirmations of my life? 1) Seriously, who wins that much at a casino, who can run into random friends where ever he goes, and who has as many good things happen to me and as few bad things as me? 2) Kind of going along with 1, my life is easy, it is rarely difficult or unbearable, but it is also pretty textbook. If it weren't for the ridiculous people I surround myself with, it would probably be pretty boring. 3) As Ben Harper wrote, "With so many people to love in my life, why do I worry about just one?" A million thanks to everyone that called or texted me birthday wishes. I really do appreciate them all. I'm so lucky to have each and everyone of you as a friend. To everyone that was there to help celebrate my birthday, I had a blast. Pirate Jenny, I have nothing but love for you. You are the main reason my birthday was what it was and I hope you know how much I appreciated it and how much it meant to me. I hope you know how much you mean to me!! You rock and I wish I wasn't retarded. With that said, with all the birthday wishes I received you would think I would completely content and happy but alas I was not because there was still one call that never came. I think it's time to finally let go, find a new key chain, and walk away....

Gallapalooza, part deux

2007-08-24T11:44:00.000-04:00

The morning of August 11th (aka D-Day) I went to breakfast with Molly and Brent and Brent's Mom and her boyfriend. We went to Bob Evans. For two reasons really... 1) they serve a mean biscuit and gravy combo which I heart immensely and 2) there's no where else to eat. The breakfast conversation consists of many topics including but not limited to bacon dangles, the pumpkin festival, huge burritos surrounded by chili, and various others. Needless to say, I was the morning entertainment. (I was probably still a little, or a lot, drunk seeing as how I went to bed 4 hours earlier. I use to pull this stunt in my Spanish 465 class on Friday mornings. I was the star student those mornings.)
We came back to the Uptings house and vegged the heck out for a while. Sandy, who was hung-over Harriet, decided to volunteer Molly and I and herself to help decorate the tent at the French Art Colony where the wedding was to take place. Ugh. So the three of us stinky ladies braved the hot heat and hangovers to go and answer the call of duty. It sucked. We had to precisely measure out water to pour into globes on the tables. We peaced out and went back to the house where I ran into the Groom's older brother (Ken) and his wife (Kimber), both whom I adore. Kimber is pregnant with Ken's baby which while it is a great thing, was slightly sad for Molly and I because the three of us love to drink together but you know, gotta respect the kid. Ken told me that he and Gabe went to lunch and Ken expressed his feeling about the wedding. Again. It went something like this, "I'm only gonna say this one more time. I don't think you should marry her. She's not the right girl for you." Gabe "Well, what do you want me to do?! Everybody is already here and everything's already paid for!" That struck me as maybe not quite the response that he should have given... maybe something more along the lines of "I love her, Ken. She makes me want to be a better person. She makes me want to stop searching because I know that I've found the what that I was looking for." (Now, ok, I realize that men only say these things in say, Lifetime movies or hallmark cards. I'm writing this entry and that's what I'd want someone to say about me. Get over it.)
Fast forward to a few hours later. We ride over to the French Art Colony which is the setting for the wedding. It looks lovely. Honestly, it does. And then we turn the corner to where the ceremony is to take place... BAM! Right in the hot August sun, facing the sun I might add, are the chairs that we are to sit in during the vows, etc. Ugh. This does not a happy Moo make. I'm just glad I had on a strapless dress and I felt so bad for the guys in jackets and full blown tuxes. (One advantage of being a female, I suppose.) So, the wedding party comes out and everyone looks so classy and ballerific... esp. Molly, the grooms woman. They say "I do" and everyone is, uh, happy. Or at least everyone decided to forever keep the peace. We all decide that now is the appropriate time to start drinking. Now. Right now and not a moment later. Now, things start to get interesting... I call the wrong Mike on my cell phone. Whoops. My mom and Charlie (that's her call sign... she's a new member of the Upting clan but all the older people in Galapalooza have known each other since God was a boy) start to get tipsy. My father and I are talking to some of his old cronies which is great fun for me because they tell me the stories about my dad that he won't tell me. (Like, for example, how he was in the car with someone going around 2nd ave. when the driver passed out mid-turn because he was so wasted. Classic.)
And then dinner, blah blah blah... some of us are too drunk to eat so we just keep drinking waiting for the cake to be cut. By the time it's time to dance, whoa, we are all pretty tanked but none the less ready to break. it. down. My dad and I hit it and bust a few moves together but I have to keep adjusting the top of my dress and it's really starting to piss me off and worry my dad so he gives me his suit jacket and I put it on backwards, like a straight jacket. How appropriate, I know. Then a GREAT idea hits me like a bolt of lighting... Molly and I should do one of our patented dance routines for our ex-manager, Gabe. We decide the song should definitely be "Electric Youth" and request that the D.J. play it before the night is over. We wait. And eat cake. And make fun of the Abominable Snowwoman. And wait. And wait. All the time still consuming mass quantities of alcohol. Enough to kill a good size herd of cattle or supply a small country with for years. And years. Now, yes, I'm mad. The party is ending, Molly and I are ready and starting to freak out because we think Gabe is going to leave before he can see our performance. The d.j. announces that this is the last song of night and with that said, I march right up to the d.j. "booth" and proceed thank him for playing the one song that I wanted to hear and then, oh, what's that? You didn't play it? Well, I think it is my duty to notify him of the fact that he "fucking sucks." Game over. Moo 20 points, D.J. negative 7.
Everyone starts to leave and Molly and I can't find her boyfriend, or my parents but we do manage to find her parents. Who drove a pick-up. With crap in the back of it. Jackpot. We want to ride, with our beers, in the truck bed. Because it would be totally sweet, duh. Her dad is like, "yeah, ok girls! Climb in!" But Safety Sandy put the kibosh on that idea so the four of us ride back to the thrill upon the hill in the cab of the pick-up. (Coincidentally, this same pick-up I use to drive when I had just gotten my license. Molly and I used it to go rent "Boogie Nights". Another story for another time.) We get to the house and head directly to the pole barn. Didn't collect 200 dollars. We continued to drink (and now smoke sparkling wiggle cigarettes) and random Aunts and Uncles of Molly's start to show up. We all bitch about Gabe marrying the enemy and finally retire around 4 or something.

The End. Happily ever after. Or not. I heart Galapalooza.

Summer Movies

2007-08-22T15:34:00.001-04:00

I understand that most of you are not as dorky as I am and probably have not been following the whole Blu-Ray vs. HD-DVD war that is going on, especially the events that have been going on this week involving Paramount Studios and Michael Bay. I'm not going to dive into that whole mess but all these things happened this week and it made me realize that this Summer has been filled with shit movies with good titles. What makes me mad is the hype around these movies due to their titles but in reality they are horrible movies.

First things first, Transformers. This is the real reason for this post. Quick aside: Paramount Studios who announced they would only support HD-DVD is the studio behind Transformers, Michael Bay directed it, he posted a comment about how the decision by Paramount pissed him off and he was not going to direct the second Transformers movie. Good because Michael Bay ruined this movie. As with Pearl Harbor, he took an amazing story/franchise and ruined it with a sappy love story and corporate bullshit. Transformers was a cartoon for kids, no love story necessary, especially between two 16 year olds. Although he didn't go too deep into it, it brought absolutely nothing to the plot line. Second, Megatron was a Walther PP7, not some weird alien plane that you couldn't even see because he went so fast. The toy Megatron was so realistic looking that kids got shot when they would go outside with him. Finally, Bay claimed that he was going to remain faithful to the cartoon but then turned all the vehicles into GMC cars. Bumblebee was a VW Bug, plain and simple. It was the key to his personality. Bay chose to make him a Chevy Camaro and all of the sudden I'm picturing Bumblebee as a overweight, middle-aged, bald, white man, in his stained wife-beater, drinking a Bud-heavy. Jazz was a Porsche 911RS, one of the sickest cars on the market at the time of the cartoon... and still one of the sickest today. Instead, Bay chooses to make him a lower-middle class, white teenage boy's wetdream by making him a "tricked out" Pontiac Solstice. Come on, a Porsche 911 or a Pontiac Solstice? One exudes class, speed, and a racing heritage and the other excudes thoughts of the 80's Pontiac Trans Am, the quintisential car of 80's white trash. I will hand it to Mr. Bay, he did make one hell of an action movie but by no means was it deserving of the Transformers namesake. I don't understand why so many people are gung-ho about the movie. Yes, it was a decent action film sans the love story but any true fan of Transformers should feel cheated by it. Me, I will stick to the 1986 animated movie with the 80's glam-rock soundtrack that included Weird Al Yankovic, Stan Bush, and many others.

Ok, secondly, Spiderman 3. What is with all the hoopla for this movie? Not only did they include way too many bad guys and not give enough time to each one of them (think Batman Forever), but they also made Venom (one of the best comic villians ever) into the Darth Maul of the year (make him bad ass only to show him for a little time and then kill him). Now, I understand that they tried to make it a family movie experience but honestly, the cheesiness level was taken to a level comparable to some of the soft-core porns I've seen on Skinamax. The part where Peter's personality is changing due to the symbiote... completely unnecessary. Also, at the end were Jameson takes the little girl's camera, why interupt the best action scene of the movie for a useless piece of unfunny comedic relief? And again, everyone is so excited for this movie to come to DVD, why? I saw it in theaters and wanted my money back.

The three best films of the summer, in my opinion, Harry Potter, Bourne Ultimatum, and Superbad. The Potter films just keep getting better moviewise. Sure they may not include every detail of the books but they do remain faithful to the overall storyline and purpose of the books. I also think the movies, with the advancements in special effects, are getting better with each one. It was a good adventure movie with a good plot. Bourne Ultimatum was just a two hour adrenaline rush. It was non-stop action and it made James Bond look like a huge puss-bag. Finally, Superbad, stupid, predictable but absolutely hilarious. I was a fan of Arrested Development and Grandma's Boy and to see those two in a movie together was entertaining. The humor is simple but well written and a change of pace from what has been coming out of late.

So there you have it. My take on the summer movies thus far. There were a couple other I saw (like Shrek 3) but none stood out enough to write about.

Bad Newz Kennels

2007-08-20T13:33:00.000-04:00

Why is it that the Federal government is investigating all these people for this alleged dog fighting ring, but they are offering plea agreements to everyone so they can build their case against Michael Vick? There are multiple people involved with the whole thing yet they are trying to build their case against one man, who "coincidentally" happens to be the richest and most famous black man out of the group? I think that he is definitely guilty of dog fighting and should get in trouble for it, but I don't agree with how the Federal government has singled him out and are only going after him. Furthermore, all these plea agreements they're handing out to build a case against him... if you faced a long term jail sentence and a huge fine wouldn’t you blame it on someone else if you were offered immunity, especially because if you don't, you know they have enough evidence to convict you? Do I think Vick was involved, absolutely. Do I think he was the only person in charge of everything, absolutely not. If you’re going to convict people for the crime then convict all of them because I seriously doubt it Vick was the one person pulling all the strings. It was probably the group of them sitting around one day and coming up with the idea. Vick just happened to have the money to pay for things. So by going after Vick and only Vick, all the others who were there for the conception of the idea get off because they didn’t have the money to fund the operation. Had they had the money, I’m sure they would have bank-rolled the fights too. All I’m saying is that its unfair to only go after one person because he’s famous, when it was the whole group of them that are guilty.

Follow-Up to The Race Card

2007-08-16T23:15:00.000-04:00

This was my post on the comment board:

This goes out to everyone calling Mr.Whitlock an "Uncle Tom". Apparently,
we should ridicule and chastise anyone that doesn't think, dress, act, or behave
like ourselves. Some of you have even gone as far as to suggest that the likes
of Whitlock, Clarence Thomas, Oprah, etc. should be "done away with" and exiled
from the African American community. I'm pretty sure if everyone had this
mindset, a majority of you making these comments wouldn't be allowed to. For
those of you too simple minded to understand my subtlety, slavery would still be
around today if humans weren't able to accept people for their differences.
Disagree with what Whitlock has to say, argue against him in a clear and
educated way, but to sit there and call him an "Uncle Tom" because he doesn't
agree with what you think is ignorant and demonstrates the reason why prejudice
is still alive today.

The Race Card

2007-08-16T15:17:00.000-04:00

This article was on Fox Sports: http://msn.foxsports.com/cbk/story/7127682?forum_key=StoryComments&topic_key=7127682&page_no=25

It talks about how the race card is getting used way too often and abused. I completely agree. In the comments section for the article, there is a bunch of praise for what he says and then there are a couple comments scattered in that call the author (a black man) an uncle tom for voicing his opinion. Coincidentally, every single comment that calls him an Uncle Tom has at least 1 to 2 grammar, spelling, or typing errors. This comment was one in response to the Uncle Tom comments, and I don't think I could have said it any better.

There have been a few people on here calling Mr. Whitlock an "Uncle Tom".
This phrase needs to go. It's not only hackneyed but it stereotypes blacks
as having to be one kind of way. Furthermore, criticizing the actions of
people who are your same race does not make you a sellout. NOT criticizing
the damaging actions of people who are your same race simply BECAUSE they're
your same race - now that's being a sellout. If we feel something isn't right,
we should be allowed to voice that opinion without the probability of
discriminatory
retribution.

Brilliantly said. As a minority who has grown up in predominantly white surroundings, it annoys me to no end how blacks try to use the race card as an excuse for everything. It seems like it is easier to just blame everybody for your shortcomings rather than take responsibility for them yourself. When an Asian fails a test, do they blame the test for being "culturally biased"? No, they say to themselves, "I didn't study hard enough," and they go and fix it.

I think a lot of AAs need to read or watch The Boondocks and pay closer attention to the social message. In the episode with Martin Luther King Jr., I love the comment MLK makes about how he, and the others that fought for civil rights, did not go through all of the beatings, arrests, and abuse for blacks to sit around and be handed things. Laziness is not a characteristic of culture but unfortunately it seems like it is quickly becoming one. I have the utmost respect for the African Americans that appreciate the freedoms and opportunities they have, whether or not they are completely equal to that of whites, and take advantage of them-get an education, work hard, get a good job, etc. It pisses me off when blacks use what happened to their ancestors hundreds of years ago as an excuse to be lazy. Yes, racism is still alive. Yes, not all things are equal yet. Yes, the white man is afforded much more than minorities are. But things are a lot better now then they were. It is an incredible injustice to those that actually did fight for civil rights for you to sit around, be lazy, and not take advantage of all the freedoms and opportunities they won for you and your race. So quit your poorly written, poorly worded bitching, get off your lazy, welfare collecting ass and do something-get a job, get politically involved to make things more equal, just do SOMETHING!!

Gallapalooza

2007-08-14T17:22:00.000-04:00

So, I was born in a little town (actually it's current status is "Village") in Southeastern Ohio called Gallipolis. I still have family and friends that live there and I LOVE going back to visit. However, as of late, every time I cross over the Gallia County lines, trouble ensues.

My last trip down there was for a wedding. The middle son of my parents best friends was getting married and although no one in my family was actually in the wedding, we were all invited to the rehearsal dinner. Now, I have known this family all my life... my mom and Sandy were preggers at the same time with Gabe and myself so I've known him since way back in the fetus days. His parents are like my second parents and visa versa. I mean, the trip before this one, Gabe and I were up drinking til like 11 am and we, and by we I mean me, drove drunk to get some doughnuts for everyone to enjoy when they woke up but unfortunately I was speaking in tongues and doing "Sally O'Malley" impressions. I sounded like I was on crystal meth and told everyone that "Gallipolis is like Las Vegas but with less naked people." Go figure. It's a good thing I don't embarrass easily.

Ok, back to the topic at hand. The, uh, lady that Gabe is/was planning on marrying is, uh, speeecial. Let's call her Stephanie... yes, the names of everyone have been changed, not to protect them, but to protect me. Well, she is your typical Gallia county native. Her dad is a farmer and her mom is a nurse. She literally is about the same size as the 50 foot woman and although she isn't completely unfortunate looking, she ain't that cute either. Also, some of us doubt her intelligence. Gabe, on the other hand, has his masters degree, is very clever and quick witted. They're really not well suited to spend eternity together but I didn't learn this until, that's right, the night BEFORE the wedding!

Ok, so the rehearsal dinner... the Uptings and the Millers come from a long line of partiers so I was completely pumped for this event PLUS Gabe's little sister, whom I adore, was going to be there. We arrive in GP at approximately 8:00 pm and by 8:27 my mom is well on her way to drunk Cindy mode which can 1) be hilarious or 2) suck ass. Luckily for my dad and I it was hilarious. She was dancing with everyone, including those that didn't want to dance and almost fell in the pool a few times. Then she got my dad to dance. Gotta love it when the old people cut a rug! Most of the elders cut out around midnight or so but the kids, we were in it to win it that night. Molly, Gabe's sister, Brent (her boyfriend) and myself headed over to Molly's parent's house, aka the thrill up on the hill and once we got there, went directly to the Pole Barn. The Pole Bar is legendary. It's literally a barn, complete with 4 wheelers, photos of Ronald Reagan and a fridge that is ALWAYS stocked with Bud Heavy and moonshine, among other things. Molly's dad, Rhett was already starting the festivities with Gabe and Stephanie's dad, Stan, and her sister. (This sister is a whole blog in herself. We called her Skeletor all weekend and she decided to accessorize her bridesmaid gown with some huge ass purple hickies on her neck. Yum.) Gabe dared me to try and fit inside a doghouse and of course, I was, "Yeah. I'll do it". Turns out, I didn't fit. Stan offered me a good suggestion though, and by good, I mean gross, creepy, etc. He said, "I know what you should do... take off all your clothes and rub KY jelly all over yourself." Um, no. First of all, no and second of all, I became acutely aware of the fact that these people were going to be Sandy and Rhett's in laws, effective immediately. Concern doesn't even begin to cover it.

After that incident, Molly, Brent and I went inside and made our traditional disgusting drunk meal of spaghetti and Velveeta. It's so much better than it sounds, I swear. After we were full of noodles and cheese, the other two passed out but I decided that I wasn't done so I headed back to the Pole Barn where I found Gabe and we stayed up til 4 am talking about marriage, stocks, New York, you know, the usual. I made the executive decision that we needed to go to bed because, after all, he was getting married the next day.

Stay tuned for more about the wedding day... it's all down hill from here.

Goths: The Hippies of the 21 Century

2007-08-14T10:55:00.000-04:00

I had this idea a couple of month ago but thought I'd add it to the blog. Goths, you know, the disenchanted kids that think its cool to only wear dirty black clothes, black makeup, do drugs, and be depressed all the time are the 21st century's equivalent to the hippies of the 60s and early 70s.

Hippies fought against establishment; they went against popular beliefs, dress, values, behavior, etc.; they did lots of drugs; they tried to protest or fight against different issues but were usually too lazy to get anything accomplished; they had a heavy influence on the music of the times (ultimately resulting in the creation of a new genre); they were a drain on society; most out grew the lifestyle when they reached their 30s although there are those few exception.

Goths, who are sometimes grouped in with the more extreme group of vampires share many of these characteristics. They are typically the disenchanted youth shun by the 'popular' kids. They often join other goths to gain a sense of belonging. They choose to dress in all black clothes, wear black makeup and nail polish, and chains to show that they aren't going to cave-in to popular trends. They smoke weed, do acid, crystal meth, and whatever cheap drugs are available (note they often do not do coke or the more expensive drugs because they typically come from broken homes and don't have the financial means to support such a habit). Their behavior is often characterized by behavioral outbursts, tardiness, laziness, disregard for rules, etc. Finally, the amount of Death Metal has increased because of this group. How many Goths/Vampires do you see running around over the age of 30 (not including Marilyn Manson and the dude from Mindfreak)?

You could argue that Goths are a far more violent group compared to the hippies who were all about peace. But I do not think this difference shows how these two groups differed, rather it reflects how American society has changed, allowing Goths different means to carry out their same stupid goals (get back at society or the 'popular' kids that made them outcasts in society).

So my point is, Goths, mommy and daddy still love you. They are just really disappointed that their son or daughter grew up to be such a socially-inept loser. Society did not make you an outcast, you chose to make yourself an outcast by choosing to wear black clothes, black makeup, and walk around like the world was out to get you. So put down the makeup, turn off the scary music, take a shower, quit doing white trash drugs, get a job, look at people in the eyes when you talk to them, and reconcile with your mommy and daddy because lets face it if you don't outgrow this ridiculous phase, you're just going to end up swallowing a bullet anyway!!

Erin Daye

2007-08-10T15:56:00.000-04:00

Ok, so do you know who Erin Daye is? Well, I first heard of her on Howard Stern way back in March. She wanted to break the world record in... wait for it... number of gangbangs. For some reason, this INFURIATED me and I was obsessed with it for days.

I believe that the previous record was somewhere around 550 or so and she wanted to up the ante to 1001 men which is ABsoLUTely disgusting and mind boggling. As a woman who has had sex, it is insane to think about 1001 men coming and going (pun totally intended) in and out of you. The session was predicted to last a mere 15 hours, complete with smoke breaks and time to ice down.

The guys were lined up starting at 10 am the day of the "performance". They were split into two groups. One group was the guys who were tested and the other group were the untested guys. Now, let's talk about the testing. The guys were taken aside and had their junk checked by someone who I imagine to be, say, the grip boy or the best boy. That's probably how much medical knowledge they possessed anyway, seeing as how they only had to look for open wounds or pustules.

The infamous bukkake was also featured in this lovely setting. Can you honestly imagine? I mean, one is more then enough, let alone 561 or really anything over one. I mean, that's a lot of juice. Let's be honest, having gone through a slutty stage as many of us have, NOTHING about that is appealing. And then not being able to hose down as it were because someone else is already assuming the position. Sick.

She didn't break the record. Oh darn. But at least Columbus can add this to it's list of reasons to visit. Oh, did I leave that part out? Yes, it was filmed at the oh so prestigious Princeton Club in
Columbus.

And, if you want to hone up on your own "Gang Bang" skeelz then check out: http://www.showcase.ca/BLOG/archive/2007/04/25/hump-day-1001-men-in-a-daye.aspx

The Beginning of the End...

2007-08-08T16:37:00.000-04:00

Since 23% of all American internet users either read a blog or write one of their own, I have decided to join the blogger-movement. In this blog you will find my opinions and diatribes on everything from daily news to celebrity gossip to the dumb things that happen to me on a daily basis. So sit back and enjoy this brief glimpse into my twisted mind...